Power Authority

Power & Authority

Power and Authority

I first heard about these concepts during some training I did way back in the good old days.

Power Authority

I was studying to move from a classroom teacher to become a headmaster. (I didn't finish – I stayed in the classroom.)

For those of who who haven’t heard of this before, it means that the one person who controls an outcome in almost all cases in almost any situation, will be the one with the most power or most perceived power, even if they do not have the authority to make any real decisions.

“How does this happen?” I hear you ask.

It is actually very simple, and when you know, you’ll think, “How did I not understand this?”

An example from my own life.

Power V’s Authority In Sales

As a salesperson I often made ‘cold’ calls to companies to sell them advertising. Sometimes I knew the name of the decision maker. Sometimes not. More often not, I’m afraid. But that’s another story. For another time.

I asked for the the media buyer, or whomsoever had the AUTHORITY to make a decision to buy my bill of goods.

All good. Just a breath away from an appt. Then my superior skills as a salesman would kick in and I’d get me a sale. Fantastic.

Not so quick. I was asking to speak to the decision maker – the one having the authority, but I wasn’t there yet. The Receptionist or Personal Assistant or Secretary was sitting there in front of me with an inscrutable smile on his or her face.

It dawned on me. This person will DECIDE if I see the authority figure. Or not.

Yes or No

If I received a yes then Thunderbirds are go. Appt made.

If I received a no, an excuse, a brush-off, an “I think he’s busy that time/day,” kind of thing – I was left hanging. Who was this person in front of me? No matter what I said, how I pleaded, cajoled, explained that the authority would make the decision, I was very often stymied right there. At the reception desk.

The seat of power.

You see if I couldn’t get an appointment to see the authority figure because the one person with the power to make that happen was a massive roadblock, I was stuck right there.

OK. No authority to make decisions EXCEPT the only one I needed at that point – an audience with the boss or whoever. It didn’t matter. If I was stuck at the front desk it was ‘game-over.’

The one with the power is always going to be the barrier to any further interaction. No matter what.

May Not Be Who You Expect

And this is often one of the least likely people. Someone quite low on the company pecking order. Someone who was making these judgement calls based on incorrect or incomplete knowledge of the company, the processes, or the person involved. Or even personal or other emotional – non business reasons. (For example there may be a belief that I was untrustworthy, or had been inappropriate in some way, or ‘the Boss’ needed protection from my type -ie salesmen). He/she may just not like me. Anything really. Makes no difference if the decision to grant an appointment was based on anything real; it was still the decision that counted.

All the power. No authority, but I couldn't move forward past this obstacle.

Current World

I think we need to know this in our current world more than ever. Are we interacting with the right person? Social media gives us an opportunity to lambaste anyone. Free speech at its finest. But first we need to establish whether we we aiming our comments at the right person or organisation. We may be a victim of a power game.

Chicken Soup

Where is the power in any situation in which you find yourself? There is a really interesting story in “Jack Cranfield’s - Chicken Soup For The Soul” that illustrates this very point.

Think About This

Make it a factor in your thoughts and actions from now on.

Who has the power in this situation?

Have you had any experiences in this kind of thing you can share with us?

Off you go. Over to you.

Colin Learns to Play

Colin RochfordColin Learns to Play

Now that we’ve finished with the boring and the worrying stuff – the stats and all that, it’s time to have a look at some stories. Let’s see what I can dredge up for you.

Not Lonely

In the beginning of these blogs, I kinda hinted that while I am often alone, I am rarely, if ever, lonely.

That is now. Wasn’t always this way. There were times, but we are not going to go down that rabbit burrow today. Not that we won’t – just not now.

Growing Older

I was chatting to a friend recently – you’ll hear from him later in this series of blogs – and we discussed that as we have grown older, we have found that it is actually easier to fill the emptiness that seems to be the precursor of this lonely feeling this emotion. It is also easier to remove ourselves from the toxic people and situations that tend to lead to negative thoughts and even depression. Something that we could not do at an earlier age.

Cliche alert! We lamented that if only we knew what we know now (at 70 and 80); when we were teenagers and shortly beyond, how different our lives would have been.

Mentors

We talked about mentors, (having one or more) and young people who have very little understanding of the real world and, sadly in very many cases, no genuine reason to follow-up on that kind of thinking. We talked about how in school, numbers and stuff like that were given more focus than self development. Self confidence, beliefs, values and ways to understand and control our reactions to events around us especially those NOT under our control, were given no time at all. Our teachers were not measured by this sort of philosophy and so it never happened, (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy - REBT - for example.) What’s that? Another day.

Loss

We’ll dip into the lives of chaps (suitably disguised of course to protect the innocent and those no longer with us) and look at how they have coped with the loss of their wives. We’ll figure out why they are not accumulations of psychotic, continually depressed human beings.

Mindset

Perhaps you can take some of these thoughts and help yourselves to a realisation that “If it is to be – then it’s up to me”. (A quote from William H Johnsen – Also the title of a book by Robert H. Schuller, author, motivator and host of the popular television show Hour of Power. I’m not sure which came first – but if doesn’t really matter. The quote is valid anyway.)

Life Coach

I am a trained life coach, so if there is anything I can do to help you personally, contact me here loneliness@colinlearnstoplay.com and we’ll figure out a way to think it through.

Loneliness Is … Concerned

Loneliness Is …

I have become increasingly concerned about the number of people professing loneliness in our society. Particularly amongst those over the age of 55.

I have rarely felt lonely (as I would define it – see below) in my life, so this is a difficult concept for me to come to terms with, but it is obviously ‘a thing’. What does it mean? What can we do about it? Is it an issue we need to deal with?

This blog is an attempt to address these issues.

Loneliness Is … Alone & Lonely – What is the difference?

Some info from The Webster Dictionary:

Lonely

Lonely V's Alone

1a: being without company: LONE

1b: cut off from others: SOLITARY

2: not frequented by human beings: DESOLATE

3: sad from being alone: LONESOME

4: producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation

Alone

1: separated from others: ISOLATED

2: exclusive of anyone or anything else: ONLY

3a: considered without reference to any other

3b: INCOMPARABLE, UNIQUE

What does this mean?

To me it seems that some of these words are related to feelings and some are related to facts.

So, our next questions then must be: what is a feeling and what is a fact?

Let’s start with a fact.

Fact

  • Webster says that a fact is something that truly exists or happens: something that has actual existence,

  • a true piece of information

So I guess that means if I am standing by myself, in isolation from other human beings, then I am alone.

That is a fact. It is verifiable. There is no one else in the area.

Emotion - Feeling

A feeling, on the other hand, is not a fact by this definition above. It is

  • an emotional state or reaction

  • often unreasoned opinion or belief

  • sympathetic aesthetic response

Fact V’s Emotion

Loneliness is therefore a belief, something created by the mind? Is that what we are saying here? I am feeling sad. Why? Because I am alone. A feeling, a reaction or response to a fact.

How does this work? What does this mean in real life?

Emotions - Feelings

Thus, loneliness is an emotional state of being whereby we find ourselves unhappy and feeling sad because of the LACK of human interaction.

Being ALONE is the same thing, really, without the emotional business. Does that make sense?

Can we change one into the other? Would we want to?

Facebook Group

In order to answer some of these questions and more, I have set-up a FB group called Loneliness is….

There will be a couple of confidential questions before anyone can join this group, and then it would probably be useful if those questions were asked and answered again on the open/public forum after a person has been approved to join the group.

This is totally optional, of course. You can join and just observe the conversations.

Let’s deal with this together. Let’s sort out what the issues are and work towards mitigating this question in our society.

I am talking about my hometown - where we can do stuff or talk about stuff face to face; the greater Melbourne Australia area where both face to face and electronic connections can be arranged; and then Australia and the world where we can use social media and other electronic means to meet and communicate. There is not even a need for any excuse that we don’t live in the same time-zone for example. I promise to make myself available as the need arises. This is such an important subject. I’ll be there for you if necessary.

The questions? OK. Here they are.

  1. What does loneliness mean to you? Definition, I guess. 1 sentence only please.
  2. How does loneliness affect you in your normal everyday life? 1 sentence only please.

Head on over to Face Book and join the group. Answer the qualifying questions and then, when approved, repeat your answers (if you feel you want to) so we have a basis to start a dialogue with you.

Loneliness Is … In The Beginning

Loneliness Is … In The Beginning

Colin Learns To Play

loneliness Is ...Colin Rochford loves jumping in at the deep end. (metaphorically speaking – since he’s afraid to have his head underwater). He lives by the mantra, “It’s better to say you’re sorry than ask for permission”.

How’s that worked for him, you ask? OK. Most of the time.

When Colin moved from the big smoke to a small regional town in country Victoria, Australia he joined every group/activity he could. Went to the opening of the proverbial envelope.

He then decided the muse needed to make herself known.

Having already written a chapter in the book Nkwocha, Kizzi. (2015), Success Unlimited. Sussex, UK: Mithra Publishing; called “Beliefs, Rules, Values & Language – Their Role In Your Success”, he thought to himself, “Why not write a whole book all by myself?”

The result is “Braving Change”.

Colin lives in a small one-bedroom unit in Mansfield – no dogs, no cats; dreaming of travelling all over the world on a yacht.

Colin Rochford is a life coach, author, trainer, self-help speaker, world traveller, and entrepreneur.

His blog can be read at . He can be followed at Twitter.com/ColinTRochford.

Now retired, he believes that nothing changes if nothing changes, and success requires positive thinking combined with massive action.

Values – Integrity & Trust

Values – Integrity & Trust

Values

 

Today we talk about values. And the two I am going to discuss are Trust and Integrity.

Wikipedia: Integrity

Integrity is the practice of being honest and showing consistent and uncompromising adherence to strong moral and ethical principles and values. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions.

The word integrity evolved from the Latin adjective integer, meaning whole or complete. In this context, integrity is the inner sense of "wholeness" deriving from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character. As such, one may judge that others "have integrity" to the extent that they act according to the values, beliefs, and principles they claim to hold.

Dictionary: The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.

Wikipedia: Trust

In a social context, a situation characterized by the following aspects: One party (trustor) is willing to rely on the actions of another party (trustee); the situation is directed to the future.

In addition, the trustor (voluntarily or forcedly) abandons control over the actions performed by the trustee. As a consequence, the trustor is uncertain about the outcome of the other's actions; they can only develop and evaluate expectations. The uncertainty involves the risk of failure or harm to the trustor if the trustee will not behave as desired.

Trust is believing that the person who is trusted will do what is expected. It starts at the family and grows to others.

Dictionary: The firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something.

Trust and Integrity Linked

While these two values may appear to be quite separate, I believe them to be inextricably linked. You can’t have one without the other.

I can rely (trust) on you if you are honest (integrity), can’t I?

Family

Note: this trust thing is something that starts at the FAMILY according to the definition above.

I am reminded of a story told to me recently of a young woman (possibly about 12 yrs old at the time ) who, finding that she needed some extra money, borrowed it from a very generous older woman – a ‘friend’ of the family.

The young woman began to pay back the loan as soon as she could, but was stopped by her parents. A learning opportunity squandered. But, more importantly, a lesson that honesty, trust, and integrity were values not to be considered important.

Imagine being taught that, at such a young and vulnerable age? As far as I know, this young woman (now 18 at time of writing) has shaken off the shackles of this upbringing to become an admirable member of society. (That’s me being judgmental, isn’t it?)

Integrity

Integrity is and has been one of the cornerstones of my life. I believe that there is no higher aim than, to be honest in everything, (of course, I am human and make mistakes as often as most – I am not perfect, but I am as authentic as possible) and to strive for the wholeness alluded to in the above Wikipedia definition.

Trust

I think more needs to be said about TRUST, but that is for another time.

Let me know what you think.

Values – Be A Better Person

Agentic – Leadership Style

Agentic – Leadership Style

Agenetic. I learned a new word today. Quite a simple word, but seems to have two almost opposite meanings.

Let’s investigate.

Wikipedia: Agentic leadership derives from the term agency. This leadership style is generally found in the business field by a person who is respected by subordinates. This person demonstrates assertiveness, competitiveness, independence, courageousness, and is masterful in achieving their task at hand.

Then there is Milgram’s theory: which is the psychological state the obedient subject is in when he or she is obeying authority.

Milgram

Milgram (1963) was interested in researching how far people would go in obeying an instruction if it involved harming another person. for example, Germans in WWII.

Not the same I would have thought.

As the word was applied to me- I would like to think Wikipedia was more likely to be true.

Etymology

Although if we follow etymology agency, (and that would surely be where the word came from), seems to mean 'acting on behalf of', as in an actor’s, or an author’s agent. This would be an obeying authority kind of thing, wouldn’t it?

Hmmmmm.

Where to from here?

Another extension of one of the definitions suggests: Adjective. Social cognition theory perspective in which people are producers as well as products of social systems.

This a combination of both perhaps? I like this one.

The Teacher will Appear

The Teacher Will Appear

When the Student is Ready the Teacher Will Appear – Tao Ti Ching.

Early Writing

For approx 50 years, maybe more, I have wanted to be a writer. When I was at teachers’ college in Dunedin N.Z. and we went on a family holiday to the resort town of Queenstown, for a lot of the time I stayed indoors much to the chagrin of my parents who had saved mightily for this holiday.

It was beautiful outside with the lake sliding off to the right below our holiday home and the magnificent range of mountains across the water, ‘The Remarkables’ changing colour and texture as the sun moved around.

But I was writing. A bit of a children’s story for a college assignment. Can’t remember what it was about, but I knew I was hooked on this writing thing.

Still Thinking

Many times since then I have thought about writing. Have a few chapters of a mystery novel set in Melbourne somewhere. I have the beginnings of a short story featuring a Sherlock Holmes of the like you have never heard. And, a few years ago, I had an article actually published as a chapter in a book edited by Kizzi Nkwocha. All through this time I have written stuff that has been published on websites I have owned, never to be seen again.

The Universe

As in everything, there is a plan to The Universe and a ‘way’ that cannot be subverted.

And our friend Tao Ti Ching above has it in one. My route started with a book called “The Miracle Morning” by Hal Elrod. I read this wonderful book and joined his Facebook group.

Making Sense

Suddenly things that had started in High School, Teachers’ College, and then University made sense.

Suddenly all, the self-help gurus I had seen, like Tony Robbins for example, and all the teachers I had met online or through their fantastic books, like Julia Cameron with her ‘The Artists Way’; all their teachings began to fall into place.

Daily Writing

I began to write daily 500 words or more each time and this became consistent. I sometimes even read back the result.

Many Teachings

I had been following many different teachers writing about how to write books, I have about 10 ebooks and at least 4 real books telling me how to do this, but not until I had my eyes opened up by Hal, did things begin to gel. I then read a book by Gundi Gabrielle and found a Facebook group lead by Emee Vida Estacio and that’s when the magic happened.

Follow The Plan

I began. I followed the plan, the process, and I now have a book. I am working on the final edits and I have a cover designed. In a week I will be ready to finalise formatting and organise a launch team – the book tells you how to do all of this and the support from the FB group is outstanding.

Before long I will be ready to press the go button and upload the whole shebang onto the Kindle Publishing site, set the promos running and Bob’s your Uncle.

I am so excited.

Book Sales, not the Reason

And you know the whole point of this was to become the kind of person who could write and publish a book. The actual result of this (the book) is not really important. If it sells, great. If it tanks, great. I will have achieved my goal whatever that particular result is.

Grateful

I am very grateful that the teacher appeared when I was ready to get the message. Took 50 years, but it was still worth it. Trust The Universe. Trust the process.

It can work for you too.

Success Unlimited – Mithra Publishing

Your Success book for Mithra Publishing

Kindle Best Seller Publishing

How To Overcome The Fear Of Change

How to Overcome Fear Of Change

FOC not FOMO, but Fear Of Change. It is a thing, and it even has its own word. Metathesiophobia.

Fear Of Change

Breakfast

We all like routine. Hell, I have the same 3 pieces of grain bread toast every morning. Lashings of ‘unhealthy’ butter, 2 slices with honey and one with vegemite. (Yeah, well I live in Australia – so sue me.)

The need to feel in control – and this is very often what routine is all about - is built into our physical and mental predispositions.

When you are finished changing, you are finished”

Benjamin Franklin.

And it is true. We need to accept that change is a necessary part of life. To not do so can lead to panic or anxiety attacks; it can become a full-blown phobia when it is irrational, persistent and intense.

FEAR

Someone once said to me that FEAR is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. You have probably all heard it – it is almost a cliché now, but let’s look at it in a bit more depth.

False Evidence

This usually comes from stories we tell ourselves based on the flimsiest of grounds and in many cases not true, not logical and not even slightly constructive. We fabricate stuff and believe our own stories even when they are obviously not real.

Phones And The Younger Generation

Here’s an example. Those who are afraid that our children will fail to learn socialising skills because they are always on their phones and not talking to each-other. Yeah? You’ve heard that one? What do you think they are doing on their phones? Most of them are not playing games. They are messaging friends, often several at once, occasionally from many different towns, cities or even countries. Isn’t this communicating?

Different

Is it different from the way we used to do it? Yes, of course, but it is a good change? I think so. Wider communication networks, and an instant (not having to wait for weeks to send and receive actual mail) connection. They can even take pictures and share them with friends all over at the tap of a finger on a screen.

Social Media

Yes and what about social media? Is it good or bad? Guess it depends on what you mean by good and bad. We used to SHARE our opinions using letters to the editor columns in magazines and newspapers. Sometimes on talk-back radio. (that in itself was a change from earlier communications not available to us until radio was invented and came into general use). But we don’t talk about that now do we? We just say kids are doing it wrong.

NO. They are not. They are just using NEW technology to do things differently.

Like we did. All those years ago.

Appearing Real

Change is inevitable. Listen to the stories you tell yourself that Appear Real to you because you repeat them so often.

Sisyphus

It is a fact that the brain has great difficulty in differentiating what is real from what is imagined. Seems to be same. And if you tell yourself these false stories often enough you will believe them and then you will resist change, and you become like Sisyphus trying to push the rock up the hill. You will fail and be crushed in the process.

Book

I have a new eBook coming out at the end of September addressing this situation. It will be published on Amazon.

It is called: “How To Overcome The Fear Of Change”. And it will give you some in-depth reasons why we might be suffering from this affliction, and some practical ways to avoid this crippling state of affairs. It even includes a ‘Call To Action’ that everyone can use.

Fear of Change eBook

CHANGE – Cannot be Avoided

Affirmations Morning Routine

Morning Routine Affirmations

Purpose My life's purpose is to ADD VALUE to the lives of others, which starts with achieving everything I want in my own life, and never settling for less than I can be, do, or have so that I can 'pay it forward' and learn through experience how to help others to achieve everything they want.

Infinite Wisdom All things are possible when I actively connect to the infinite wisdom available at all times through the power of the Universe. Remember my thinking brain is restricted by my physical, mental and emotional limitations, but when I actively connect with what the universe has available for me at all times, that is when miracles are possible.

Authenticity I will give up being perfect for being authentic. I won't make everybody happy, some will judge me, criticize me and talk behind my back, while others will praise and respect me, spread goodwill about me and pray for my continued success. Everyone who truly knows appreciates me because of the value I give to others. They support me financially with connections and resources to bring me to my goals. I am grateful for those people.

Overcoming fear and worry Fear and worry a misuse of my intelligence and imagination. Only think positive self-affirming and confidence inspiring thoughts. If I am to use my imagination, it should be only to imagine myself doing or writing something great.  there literally is nothing to fear or worry about, because I cannot fail - only learn and grow.

Rest and Relaxation Taking regularly scheduled periods of R&R are crucial to my happiness, health and success. I love to travel; trips and me with new perspectives & ideas by removing me from day to day routine and allowing me to share carefree timelessness with my family and friends.

Reflection I will invest time in reflection, gaining a deeper perspective by asking questions like: "What am I doing well that I need to acknowledge myself for? What can I be doing better? What am I not even thinking about doing that I should be?"

Self Confidence I am just as worthy deserving and capable of achieving everything that I want in every area of my life as any other person on earth. The only thing that separates me from the most extraordinary life I can imagine is my level of commitment to becoming the person I need to be to achieve everything I want. From this moment on I am 100% committed to my personal development each day so that I can create and sustain the levels of success that I truly want and deserve. I commit now to schedule and follow through today with the necessary actions that will ensure that I create the extraordinary life I deserve to live. From this moment on I give up being perfect for being authentic. I will be myself, I will love myself and others will too.

Relationships I will love all people unconditionally because that is how we all deserve to be loved. I refuse to judge others because I recognise that I have no way of knowing that, had I lived another person's life, I might talk and act exactly the same way. I also understand that the more value I add to the lives of others, the more value that I will receive in return. So I will focus on adding as much value as I can, to enrich the lives of every person with whom I come in contact.

Adversity including depression I know that where I am in my life now is both temporary, and exactly where I need to be to learn what I must learn so that I can become the person I need to be to create the life I truly want. Even when life is difficult, especially when life is difficult, the present moment is always an opportunity for me to learn to grow and become better than I've ever before. Just as others have done, I can turn any adversity into an advantage by accepting all that is out of my control - past present and future, so that I can give myself freedom from emotional pain, to be at peace and create the life I truly want.

Powerful Words

Some Great Book Suggestions

Books to read that may CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Powerful WordsFriends, I read a lotta books, many in the self-help genre. Many of these have caused me to change my life in some way.

Some by doing something differently, some by stopping doing something, and a few by adding something to the way I live my life.

Have a look and see if any resonate with you.

Some Great Book Suggestions

Remember, when self-help pundits say you need a mentor, they are right, but it needn't be someone you know. You may wish to follow an author and read all or most of his/her books and take the ideas on board. That is mentorship at its best. I talked about this in a couple of articles referenced below.

Get A Mentor #1      Get A Mentor #2

Disclaimer / Disclosure

Depression, Anxiety & Compassion

Depression, Anxiety and Compassion.

Finding YourselfCompassion, according to the dictionary (literally “to suffer together”) is: sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

Positive Emotion

If someone shows kindness, caring, and a willingness to help others, they're showing compassion. This is a word for a very positive emotion that has to do with being thoughtful and decent. Giving to a charity takes compassion. When you feel compassion for someone, you really want to help out.

Compassion is External

Compassion is something you feel for others or they feel for you. It is, by definition therefore, external to you, or to any person receiving it. That being the case it can not be expected or wished for. And to believe that others OWE you compassion, because of your internal sufferings, is allowing yourself to become a victim of circumstances, a martyr - instead of taking control of your own emotional destiny.

Parallel

At the risk of trivializing the issues of anxiety and depression, which I do not wish to do (I have been there in both cases, and it wasn’t pretty), I would like to draw a parallel for us to think about.

Imagine you were chopping meat or veges for tonight’s dinner (as I was when this thought came to me), and the very sharp knife slips and gives you a really deep and nasty cut to the top of your index finger. Off you go to the hospital. The top of your finger has gone to – wherever these things go when they can’t be saved. (This part is not true!)

Home

After many injections of pain-killers, anti-biotics and stitches as far as they were possible, you are sent home with a huge bandage, a sling and a large number of appointments for plastic surgery follow-ups to reconstruct the tip of your finger.

This injury hurts like hell, makes it extremely difficult to do many of the normal things concerned with family life, and will be with you for the rest of your days. A disfigurement you will carry to your grave no matter what the surgeon does to bring things back to normal.

Hiccough

Dinner is handed off to someone else for this night and a few nights until the pain and swelling become manageable. Then you get on with things. You would, wouldn’t you? This is a hiccough – not a final curtain. You talk about it a bit, well a LOT at first, and answer the many questions, “Yep. Cut the top off. Served it up in the stew, didn’t I?”

Then you more-or-less forget about it and move on. It never goes away, but it does not remain debilitating. You don’t focus on the flat top of your finger, or the few bibs and bobs you need to do differently because of the lack of a finger-tip.

Compassion

You cannot expect people to continue to say how sorry they are for your accident, nor do you think about, nor talk about it all the time. It is just there. You get on with living. You overcome the obstacles, and become the person you need to be, to have and to do the things you want in life.

Easy

Easy. Nope. Not easy at all, the pain can rise up when least expected if you accidentally bang the top of that particular digit, and there are a myriad of things you’d never imagine that rely on finger-tips, especially of the index finger of your dominant hand. But you carry on.

Positive Thinking

Let’s not push the metaphor too far, but finally I want to take a quick look at the positive thinking mantras of a lot of gurus. I don’t believe any one of them suggest that you ignore or deny your feelings, or the existence of bad things, days etc, but what they do say is “You get what you focus on”, so why not focus on the good stuff, the positive stuff and accept that the bad stuff is there, but doesn’t need to define you? Why not do that? Denying your feelings doesn't make them go away. It is not helpful. But nor is focusing on them.

It does not serve you to dwell on them either. Focusing on negative feelings to the exclusion of all else WILL exacerbate these feelings. That is NOT healthy.

Listening

Often a sympathetic, compassionate, listening ear can become empowering in the wrong way. “Gee, if I talk about my problems, people listen.” But that doesn’t really help does it? At the end of the conversation your focus on your issues of depression and anxiety is even larger. And, You get what you focus on”. Have I said that enough?

Advice is not needed, either. Doesn’t help. Friendship might help, but if it is NEEDED, then there is an issue with your own self-love. This for another time?

Conclusion

Finally, feelings of alienation in a depressed or anxious person come from inside you. No one can alienate you. Only you can do that. Choose not to be that person.

Change Your Life for Good PAME Code

The Imposter Syndrome Remedy

Finding Yourself

Job V's Entrepreneur

JOB V’s Entrepreneur

Job V's EntrepreneurJOB V’s Entrepreneur

The other day I was chatting to a person in a retail environment and she was telling me excitedly, how wonderful it was that she had stood in this shop and nobody had come in for 2 1/2 hours. She was so excited that she had done no work for approximately $50 pay. I  mean money for nothing as the song goes.

Money For Nothing

I asked her why that was so important. She said, "I don't have to do anything and I still get paid".

Unfortunately that is the attitude of very many people in the world today. They want something for nothing. And they are usually prepared to settle for only a little something,  as long as they don't have to do anything much for it. The idea that, as an entrepreneur, the pay you get is dependent entirely on the results you achieve is not something they entertain one second's thought about. Of course, many of them claim that the minimum wage is 'not enough to live on', and 'I should get a pay rise for this work. It is hard standing around all day.'

Work For Nothing

The concept that you can work for one or more hours and receive nothing for it, is extremely foreign to them. They don't understand that as an entrepreneur you can work for quite some time for no immediate benefit, but what you have set up, through your consistent efforts, will begin to pay you, massively, at a later date, and on an on-going basis as well. The hourly rate when divided, even by the  total number of hours that have been expended 'working', represents much more than you can ever hope to get as an employee. 

Do Nothing – Get Nothing

As an entrepreneur, if you do nothing you get nothing. NOT now, NOR in the future. Makes sense doesn't it? 

But our instant gratification society doesn't seem to understand that you only benefit from the actions you take. Therefore, an entrepreneur style endeavour doesn't work, and is most likely a scam. 

Won’t Make You Rich

Standing behind a shop counter for hours, doing nothing, and getting a small hourly rate and a bit of superannuation is much better for many people. That's fine. But it won't make you rich. There are not enough hours in the day for that.

Teaching

Our job, as entrepreneurs, is to teach people that the hours we put in and the work we do may not be paid in monetary terms immediately, but the effort is worth it in the long run. Look at people like Richard Branson.

Passive Income Freedom – 23 ways

Career Change Strategy

Career Change Strategies

Career Change

Plan

A Career Change Strategy is just that: a plan relating to changes in a career.

Does this mean changing a job? What is a career anyway?

What is a Career?

We need to establish this before we talk about change. A job is, simply put, swapping time for money. Jobs can be short-term, long-term, highly or lowly paid, contract or direct employment. They can be based on love or just expediency. They can require a lot, a little, or no training and or experience. But, I guess, the main differentiator is passion. A career is something that a person follows because they really LOVE what they are doing and consider it more than ‘just a job’.

Short or Long

A career is almost always long-term, but not always as a self employed person, and not always with a single employer. Careers are usually, if not in one’s own company or as an entrepreneur, involved in the same or similar industries. A career in IT for example may span, over time, a number of different companies, some small, some large, and sometimes even departments within larger companies where IT may or may not be the core activity.

Career Change is A New Path

A career change perhaps suggests a new path. Something different from that which you have been pursuing for the last period of your life. A new job perhaps; but more than that. A new kind of work is being undertaken. A new passion being followed. From IT to engineering for example. That kind of change will likely involve more training, but that should not be an issue since it is only too late to begin something new when you cease breathing.

Career Change Strategy - Some Ideas

A career change may involve moving from employment to contracting, or starting a business, or following an entrepreneurial bent in a new direction. There are many ways to see this happening. Moving into speaker or training mode in the same industry segment as a previous career is an example.

If a career minded person was to take on the task of, say,managing various groups as a new business eg, as an agent or a procurer for their current career choice, that could well be a career change while they remain within the boundaries of their current path.

Add to The Mix

One of the other options is to keep doing what you are doing but add something else into the mix. Sometimes referred to, somewhat unfortunately, as a ‘Side Hustle’. Network Marketing is an example of this.

The Muse

Another idea many people have been known to follow is the muse. It has been said we all have a book in us. Fiction or not. But a book none-the-less. It's probably true, as each one of us has had, or is still having hopefully, a unique path through life. Our own life experiences: sadness, happiness, disaster, adventure, success, failure, training, jobs, careers, people we've known. Perhaps events we've been part of, things we’ve owned etc and there is something in all of that which makes for a great story, which can be just entertainment or even a learning experience we’ve had that we might feel the need to impart to others. It's true. Everyone has something to say.

But how do you make this happen?

Ways To Make This Writing Change Happen

There are many webinars, online courses, live seminars for example dedicated to make this happen. Some promising a book in 48 hours. Over a weekend retreat. Lots of books have been written about how to make it happen. And, of course, electronic publishing (self publishing) has become a viable option. Amazon has created a massive opportunity for many of us (options even include training videos) and a real career change might be to write that story. Get that book out of you.

SassyZenGirl link (*)

CHANGE – Cannot be Avoided

Kindle Best Seller Publishing

Kindle Best Seller Publishing by Gundi Gabrielle

Kindle Best Seller

Kindle Best Seller Publishing. Can I just say wow? 200 pages of step by step information.

I’d Like To Give This One 7*

Almost overload sometimes, but it's not like a lecture you can go back and read it all again. I will be. I very rarely give 5 stars for a book, and I read approx 6 books every week, but I’d like to give this one 7*.

There is a resources page on her website, as well.

Links

And almost every one of the 200 Pages includes a link to an extra resource on this page. Did I say wow?

The Guts of Kindle Publishing

I mean it. Wow. This is one of the best books I have read in the how to: genre. You are taken on a journey into the guts of Kindle Publishing.

The plan is to publish a best seller in the next 30 days, and Ms Gabrielle covers almost every minute of every hour of everyday in those 30 days. Detailing what you need to be thinking, doing, researching etc. It is masterful.

Traps For New Players

Every step is covered, including traps for new players, and if there's anything missing here, I would be very surprised.

I haven't gone down this path yet, but I feel I could, and I reckon that if I ever got lost this book would help me. Easily. A book is now on my list for 2019.

You Need To Read This Book

If you have ever, ever thought of becoming a published author, you need to read this book.

Starting a Successful Blog when you have NO CLUE!: 7 Steps to WordPress Bliss…. (Beginner Internet Marketing Series Book 2) by Gundi Gabrielle

You Started Your Blog

The Imposter Syndrome Remedy

The Imposter Syndrome Remedy By E.V. Estacio

The Imposter Syndrome RemedyThe Imposter Syndrome has it all. It starts out with definitions and goes through the theory of Imposter Syndrome, including the need to be perfect (we all know that one), leading up to a practical 30 day guide to ridding yourself of this insidious affliction.

Notes

I started making notes right at the beginning and didn’t stop until the end. Sometimes 3 or more on one page.

There is a free bonus offered in the first few pages which you really need by the time you get to the end to keep track of your actions. But it doesn’t end there. You get invited to join a Facebook group where you can get ongoing support from the author and heaps of people just like you who realise they need help. Reader communication. Very nice. Thank you.

My notes started with:

To prevent being exposed as frauds, those with Imposter Syndrome will avoid tasks that could potentially expose gaps in their knowledge and skills.”

PAME

We learn about the PAME code to help us manage our symptoms. PAME stands for Purpose, Action, Momentum, Energy, and the book goes on to explain how this framework will help us all.

There are lots of little colour coded panels embedded within the text adding to the ease of reading, understanding and utilising the techniques to ensure you have every opportunity to come out the other end.

TLC

I loved the TLC acronym. T Is it True. L Is it Logical, and C Is it Constructive as a way to silence your inner critic.

Interactive

Then we get to the truly interactive part of the book when we follow the 30 days to a better you. This is divine. Inspired. It follows the PAME route and is full of tests and important stuff you really need to beat this NASTY SYNDROME.

Great work. I would think we all need this book on some level.

Fear Is Not My Enemy

You Started Your Blog

You Started Your Blog by Gundi Gabrielle

Started a BlogYou Started Your Blog – Now What...? Wow. Gundi Gabrielle a 10 times #1 best selling author, entrepreneur and former Carnegie Hall Conductor, loves to explain complex matters in an easy to understand and fun way.

Her series “The Sassy way …. when you have NO CLUE”, has helped thousands around the world conquer the jungles of Internet marketing with humour, simplicity and sass.

The Point

This book is no exception. It starts immediately getting to the point, What do people actually want to read? Good question. That’s covered, in detail. Depends on your audience? Another good question. Defining your audience is covered, of course. The whole book takes about an hour to read, initially, but you’ll want to keep it close as you’ll need to refer to it often. I did.

It’s All There

The 6 chapters cover everything from writing style to converting traffic into subscribers and making money. What else do you need to know? Well, there are 3 other chapters (steps to success) to go and I’ll let you figure it out on your own.

There is a link to Gundi's 1st book in this series to get you started, if you need the basic techie set-up stuff.

Blog Examples

There are so many links and examples throughout the book it’s crazy. For Example, exercises for you to do, and, as with many of these books nowadays, you are not left out in the cold after you’ve read it. Look for the Facebook group you can join. SassyZenGirl. And some FREE Bonus Training.

It’s all here.

Notes & Improvements

I made gazillions of notes and still found stuff, on the next read through, that was golden.

Often when I write these reviews, I look for an improvement I can suggest. Can’t think of anything in this case.

Well done.

Starting a Successful Blog when you have NO CLUE!: 7 Steps to WordPress Bliss…. (Beginner Internet Marketing Series Book 2) by Gundi Gabrielle

 Passive Income Freedom – 23 ways

Miracle Morning Revisited

Miracle Morning Revisited

Miracle Morning Revisited. I do not imagine in his wildest dreams Hal intended his beautiful little SAVERS acronym, to be an added stressor to our lives.

Review

The MIracle MorningA complete review will be published as promised, soon.

Eagles

I am sure it was intended as a helper, as a way to push us to soar like eagles over the mediocrity of our current lives.

Lighten Up

To those of you who are becoming very worried about when to run through the SAVERS hour, what order to do SAVERS in, whether it must be all done in one single hour, or can be split up, or panicking because you have missed a day or two or three, can I say this in the nicest possible way? You need to lighten up. Do not take this Miracle Morning so seriously.

Easier

As I said, in the beginning, this is not meant to make life harder but to make life easier and to generate a whole new excitement in our lives. It has with mine.

Guests

But. When I've had guests for example, I have not done my Miracle Morning routine for those days. My life is about my guests then. I am using SAVERS for my own purposes. It is not the other way around.

Earlier

I think Hal would be very sad if he thought that wasn't the case. Yes, the plan is to get up an hour earlier than our normal life to do this Miracle Morning, use these techniques, but, if that is not possible for any reason - other than saying you are not a morning person which is actually not true, then adjust it to fit.

Miracle Morning and Your WHY

But it must start with our WHY. Why do we think this morning miracle, this SAVERS routine is necessary in our lives? If we can't answer this question, (which by the way isn't an easy question at all), then we need to reconsider whether this technique will work for us, or is valuable for us in the first place.

Relax and let The Miracle Morning Change our Lives

Just relax. Let go. Take this Miracle Morning method into your heart. Make it work for us. We can then change our lives.

2.5 Years

I have done a calculation - for someone who had been getting up later and later every morning I found that if I get up 3 hours earlier than I normally would have, had I been working, to follow the SAVERS routine; I would add two and a half years to my life over the next 20 years. Now, how cool is that?

Change and The Miracle Morning

Passive Income Freedom

Passive Income Freedom – 23 ways

PassiPassive Income Freedomve Income Freedom – 23 ways.

Passive Income Freedom. Yes. Give me some of that. This book started extremely well.  Gundi gave us her credentials; why we should believe that she has the goods. No boasting. Probs there could have been a bit more boasting, because she's obviously very good at what she does. And then it got better.

Disclaimers and Fast-Track

There were some disclaimers and fast-track info at the beginning and that was really great. Then we get into the monumental number of 23 passive income blueprints as she calls them, I think of them more as strategies. They are fabulous, and cover all skill levels; some I found a little complicated for my old man brain, others were quite simple and I thought, “Why haven't I figured this out before?” But that’s why we need books like this, isn’t it​?

Acronyms and Jargon

In most cases acronyms and jargon words are described, often multiple times, but occasionally I needed to refer back in the book to find out to what they referred. In this kind of book, where it is often taken in bite-size bits, in my opinion, pretty much every acronym and jargon word needs to be explained in every blueprint/strategy.

There were at least a couple of times when I thought, “Well yeah. How do you do that?” One of them was ‘covers’ in the bestseller strategy. I still don't know where/how to get great covers generated. Perhaps I’ll catch that on one of my next few reads. And there will be more reads. I am in love with the very thought of Passive Income.

Examples, Please

We’re told you must have a great title or a great hook or a great sentence etc, but we're sometimes not given any real-world examples. Lots more actual suggestions would be fabulous.

Further Information

Most of the comments in the book are linked to further information in the form of courses, videos, books etc. That is amazingly fantastic. There are so many I will need to go back 4 or 5 times to get all the golden nuggets. It is SO FULL of good (no great) stuff, I can’t believe it.

Style

I loved the writing style too. It was clever, educational, sassy even, and kept me barrelling on through the copy even when I had a little difficulty understanding the concepts, which wasn't often. It was just so easy to read; I felt like I was sitting in a nice cool bar with Gundi, just shooting the breeze.

These blueprints or strategies are mindbogglingly fabulous. I am going to be taking some of these pages, printing them, and sticking them on my wall. I just can't believe how exciting this book is. I've been forced to stop reading several times, to consider the ramifications of some of the strategies with what I am doing in my life right now.

I see so much potential in things that I am already doing, that can be expanded using the principles in this book. I am so pumped. I'm going to have to read all of these 23 passive income strategies again.

Research

Oh and if there is one word to take away from this book, it is Research.

Just Do It! No excuses.

Fear Is Not My Enemy, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind

Entitled

Entitlement in Our Society Today

Sense Of Entitlement

VideoEntitlement

Entitlement? I suppose most of you have seen the YouTube video of the Millennial at a job interview?

For those who haven’t, it is worth a look. Millennial Job Interview

This sense of entitlement is not, I believe, confined to young people of this vintage. Millennials are a cohort considered to be those born between 1981-1996, so they are currently aged between 22 and 37 years old.

Problem in Society

While it is obviously a gross generalisation to suggest that all of these young people are like the person in the video, it has become (entitlement, I mean) a huge problem in society. And, IT IS NOT specific to Millennials.

It can often be applied to those with money, position and power; and while this group certainly does represent an enormous number of entitled individuals; entitlement is often found amongst those with nothing, who expect the world to give them whatever they want/need without any input from themselves.

Let’s start with what we mean by entitlement?

Entitlement - Definition

The Merriam Webster Dictionary: the belief that one is inherently deserving of rights, privileges or special treatment.

The Urban Dictionary: someone who thinks something is owed to them by life in general; or because they are who they are.

Wikipedia: In recent decades the meaning of the word has been extended to encompass informal expectations of social relationships, social conventions and social norms which are considered unreasonable or unduly prescriptive upon others.

This would seem overly negative. All of these definitions concentrate on an over-inflated sense of entitlement.

Normal Entitlement

There is a NORMAL or healthy sense of entitlement which revolves around an expectation of responsiveness from significant others; a sense of agency, (ie that one is the owner of an action, movement or thought), and a sense of one's right to one's own feelings - all of these forming positive elements in self-esteem. (Wikipedia).

We ALL need to have this.

Compromised Entitlement

And there are some that suffer from a compromised sense of entitlement where they have an inability to accept the basic rights enjoyed by those around them. (Wikipedia). This is a sad state of affairs.

I am sure we can all think of MANY examples in our lives of people showing excessive, over-inflated beliefs that who they are is more important than what they do. Even if they have no evidence to back-up these beliefs.

The Bible and Entitlement

Money, position, and power doesn’t equate to entitlement. In fact, the Bible says, "For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required," Luke 12:48.

Having nothing actually does involve some entitlement. We, as a society, ought never to allow those who through no fault of their own have no roof over their head, to suffer.

But those who continue to remain in the role of I who have nothing ..., without some kind of action to change this situation; but expect the world to help BECAUSE they have nothing, are in-fact exhibiting entitlement. Of the negative kind.

Example

I remember hearing about a man who had lost everything (bad investment in another person) and was consequently homeless. He began drawing pictures of passers-by on the street with their pets. After a while, and a lot of practice - he became quite good. So good, in fact, that one man offered him $50 to draw him and his pet, as a present for one of his friends. Soon others were paying for his drawings. Long story short – he set up a business, is now no longer homeless and has several sales outlets throughout the city in which he lives.

Expecting Something For Nothing

Entitlement boils down, in my view, to expecting something for nothing. And demanding this as a right, thereby putting other members of society at risk because of this behaviour.

Entitlement 1We must learn, all of us, that a certain amount of entitlement is normal, but a narcissistic approach to life and the belief that our enjoyment of life is somehow dependant on other people is an insidious problem in today’s society.

Nothing Changes By Sitting On Your hands

Get A Mentor #2

Get A Mentor #2

What do I need a mentor for? Or if you consider Sir Winston Churchill a mentor: “For what do I need a Mentor?

MentorWHY

We last talked about who or what a mentor might be, and we found that without knowing why you want/need a mentor, you may not be able to answer this seemingly simple question.

FIRST, we must delve into our WHY. Why we are doing what we are doing, and why doing it, might be better if we had a mentor. Whatever that mentor turns out be.

A few years ago, I went to a seminar about something, and at the end they asked for questions. My problem was, I understood so little of what was being discussed, I had no way of articulating a question that made any sense at all.

This is the same problem with a mentor if you don’t know what is happening in your life and why – no advice can be requested, because: what do you actually ask?

Our why has been postulated as an acronym of the word itself: What Hurts You?

What Hurts You?

Seems like a great place to start. In Business, In Personal Relationships, in our community or living in general, if we can be specific about what is hurting us physically, mentally, emotionally or socially, then we will be able to come up with some questions to ask a would be mentor.

Pick one to start with. Let’s say business. Then perhaps we decide fear is hurting us.

  • Fear of rejection
  • failure
  • success
  • the unknown
  • other people’s opinions
  • not being good enough.
  • etc

NOW we can generate some questions. THEN we can begin the task of deciding on a mentor.

HELP

We need help. Now we know what kind of help, we can begin to figure out who or what can provide that assistance. That’s how we chose a mentor. Who can answer the questions which the above analysis brings to the fore? No platitudes, no Bull Shit. Just simple answers and simple actions, befitting simple minds. Makes it easy.

We can use books, audios, videos, live seminars, 1:1 meetings (in person, Zoom, Skype or even just the plain old phone.) Now that we know the questions the answers are easy to search out. Our source(s) is/are our mentor(s).

Do you have to approach some big-wig in your business or life circle and say, “Will you be my Mentor?” NO! Phew. That’s a relief!!!

You just ask simple specific questions, get simple straight-forward answers.

Whom do you ask?

Great question. Whom do you ask? That’s where research comes in. Obviously someone you respect, someone who has an area of expertise where you need answers; but this someone doesn’t even need to be alive any more. Sir Winston Churchill, “NEVER, Never, Never give up”, for example. Is that not mentorship?

Definition

We define a mentor as someone who gives help and advice over time. Someone who is detached and disinterested and can hold a mirror up to us. Books and all the other resources we have already mentioned come into play here. It doesn’t say you have to be able to speak to or meet with this mentor. It doesn’t say that. It might be better in a few cases, where feedback is required for example, but doesn’t seem totally necessary in all cases. Does it?

Coffee

I think we get hung up on the real when it comes to a mentor. It is expertise, experience, advice and answers for which we are clamouring, not shared cups of coffee.

Get A Mentor #1

What Did You Learn Today