Goal Setting And How To Do It

Goal Setting And How To Do ItSetting Goals

I have reached a goal. I have finished the first draft of my book. Apart from telling everyone I can think of about the book, in order to cement the ‘doing’ of it into my psyche, I am working on it as often as I can.

The chapter bit was OK, once I figured out what to write, but right now I am doing my usual trick of finding other things to do (anything at all) to avoid beginning the next stage which is re-reading what I have written and getting it ready for my beta readers to get stuck into.


It comes down, as I’ve said before, to knowing what to do next and forgetting the ‘it has to be perfect’ mantra. It’s like coming up to a brick wall of thoughts. You can’t get through and you just bounce around like in a kids jumping castle.

Why am I telling you this? And what does it have to do with the goals thing I started talking about? A lot really.

‘Cause, you see, the book is NOT the goal. It is only a bi-product of achieving the real goal.

Get It Done

It doesn’t matter what happens with the book as long as it is finally published. If one follows the process and the steps on a roadmap or checklist (and there are many of these that Dr Google can serve up to you), the end result of a published book is a foregone conclusion. It is not rocket science. It’s not even hard. What is hard is following all the steps. A bit like the 12 step program for those of us unfortunate to have an alcohol problem. All the steps need to be covered. Not always in any prescribed order, and some we can revisit at any time to enhance the end result.

Why This Particular Goal

The idea in goal setting is to take an overview of why you might want to say, write a book, learn a new skill or language, change a habit, get a new job – anything really.

Then devise, or have someone else devise, a specialised 12 step program just for you, just for this particular task or goal. Promise your self and the world at large, if this is appropriate, that you WILL follow this plan, and you will achieve this goal. This result. This outcome.

The Goal Is Not The Goal

Then realize that the goal is NOT the goal. The real goal is to change yourself. To become a different person, someone who deserves this new ‘thing’ that is what you think of as the goal. To become the kind of person who can achieve this consequence from the 12 action steps, for example.

In my case, I need to be the kind of person who CAN write and publish a book. Even if the book is rubbish. Doesn’t matter as it was only a vehicle. It was not the end game and never was.

Many Fall By The Wayside

To digress for a moment – this is where many of us fall by the wayside because we don’t believe we DESERVE the end result for which we are aiming and therefore we do not make it.

But if you follow the steps you will write that book. And at the end of this process, you will have become someone who does deserve it (whatever it might be for you).

Remove Yourself From The Outcome

Now you also have to remove your self from the result. Separate your mind and body from the OUTCOME. Then and only then will you be able to accept that the book or your grasp of Arabic or Chinese does not have to be perfect. It just has to be DONE.

Only then will you be able to move beyond the person you were when you started down this path, and allow yourself to meet the person who you have become. Gidday!

Become The Kind Of Person Who Can

What I mean here is your goal will be to become the kind of person who can follow 12 steps and get to the end. To a book; or a new whatever as we said above. Your goal is personal development, the outcome is a serendipitous result of following the prescribed steps in the program. And getting to the end of it.

You see if you become that person, a second book, skill, language etc becomes easy. You can do it almost on auto-pilot.

Goal: Millionaire

If someone had a goal to become a millionaire and suddenly won the money in a lottery, you know from the newspapers, that few of them keep this money in the long-run. They are NOT millionaires, so that, while the having of that amount of money was a goal for them it was, we now understand, an outcome, a result without the personal development behind it. So they lost it. I know people that this has happened to. Sad but a fact of life.

The Goal Is Not The Goal

Let’s say it again. The goal is NOT the goal. The real goal is to change yourself.

Goals, Change and Process Improvement



I dunno about you, but my life goes through a lot of ups and downs.

Ups & Downs


You know what I mean? You are moving through life in a somewhat leisurely and orderly fashion, and as you come to a pivotal moment - it all slows down, just like a rollercoaster car at the top of a rise before it tetters and then roars off into - possible oblivion. Well, that’s what it seems like at the top. Speed increases, you can’t see the bottom. You don’t know what’s going to happen and your breathing catches, your heart races and – it all just seems so out of control. As you bottom out you think of the quote often attributed variously to Mark Twain and/or and Winston Churchill: “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

You reach the bottom and off you go again. No worse for wear, oh well except for one YouTube video I saw of a young lady whose top came off in the wind generated by some extended free falling. And underwear – also missing in action. Oh dear.

But, and here is where I find myself (no! Not with clothes blowing off) in a situation.


Many plans I have in my head, those of several steps anyway, begin after a reasonable amount of procrastination so I don’t seem too eager and a large amount of research so I can honestly say, “I’m not ready.” and then as they reach toward the end of the first step I slow down, perhaps not wanting to actually reach the top because I am not sure how to do the next step. This means that the plunge will really be out of control. So I resist. And I slow down. A kind of procrastination.

Just Before The Top

And I often stop just at, or sometimes just before, the top. Hopefully at the point where the roller coaster car is released from the lifting thingamy and is about to be launched under its own steam down the other side. Hopefully just after that release.

It’s like when you take a big long breath, you pause for a tiny second, usually, before releasing the breath and exhaling. Yeah, you just did it didn’t you? Feel the second or two pause at the top?

My life is like that. I rise up - pause and hopefully go down the other side in a controlled manner.

Step One

How it works is, I know what I am doing, after a fashion, as I embark on step one. But as I approach step 2, I slow down. Don’t wanna get to the top, ‘cause I am not really sure I know what needs to be done in the next step. The going down the other side under control bit.

I am frightened. I am uncertain, feeling vulnerable and I just DON’T want to get to the top. Not yet.

Fear Of The Unknown

That means I have to KNOW what the next step is going to entail. Not knowing is the big thing. Fear of the unknown. I am sure we all suffer from this.

Am I fully aware of what I need to do next? What if it’s not perfect? What if … ? What if ….. ?

The pity of it is, it’s not always that important. If you started with a small amount of forward planning, you must have some idea of where you

are headed and what each step entails, and SOME research must have been done. So it’s not quite like going over the top of a rollercoaster holding on to your top and hoping it doesn’t blow off. Not at all.

Won’t Be Perfect

It, in my case at least, is that ever-present concern that it won’t be perfect.

I know it never will be. And that being authentic is all I could wish for, but I still worry as I come to the end of each step in a process, that I do not know enough to make it happen. To make it perfect. So I slow down.

And yes quite a few times I have come crashing back down, backwards, totally out of control and losing everything I had worked so hard for.


Break The Rollercoaster Cycle

Anyone else do the same? Come with me and together we may be able to get off this rollercoaster and make things happen.



Quick to Blame

Quick to Blame

Recently I have noticed, particularly in electronic conversations, (email and text) the tendency to correct others and lay blame.


I have had this criticism levelled at me a couple of times during the last year or so, “You always make out that you are right and others are wrong. You correct people all the time when you talk to them. This is extremely annoying.” for example.


I have become very aware, following these comments, of how I react in conversations and have been attempting to catch myself, preferably before making the comment, in the hope that this will make my speech less confrontational.

That being the case, and following on from the rule of ‘focus’ in life, (think of a red car – immediately begin to see hundreds of red cars) I have become hyper-aware of this tendency, in emails particularly.


A recent example. A request for volunteers for an event. One response said yep I’ll be there but this decision is made without any idea of when and what days I will be required.

Now all that required info was in the email, albeit a bit of a way down as this response was the end of a few answers. But the info WAS there. IN THE ACTUAL EMAIL THAT WAS BEING ANSWERED.

The responder had not read the whole communication, yet took it upon themselves to criticise the originator of the request and blame them for leaving out vital information.


Why do we do this? And I obviously include myself in this question, as evidenced by the above, I am as guilty as anyone.

But are there two possible ways of looking at this?

I was a teacher for some years in the earlier part of my working life and correcting kids when I thought I was right, has always been a part of my life. Do I now see everyone as kids that need my teaching to make them see the error of their ways?


I am a bit of a stickler for getting things right. Of course, ‘right’ is extremely subjective and I may often not be correct. My corrections can be, in fact, not corrections at all, but an extension of the original error.

I don’t feel I am doing this with an air of superiority, just a feeling that accuracy is important. Again, I say ‘accuracy’ according to me.


Secondly, it may very well be a feeling that if I can put you down, and tell you that you are wrong, this will elevate me to a higher status and prove to me, you, and anyone else listening, that I am, in fact, superior.

A need for ego-stroking or a need for correctness. Or are they both the same in a subtle kind of way?


Or is there another element here? One of judgment? Hard to tell.

Call to Action

But my call out to all of you reading this, and to me of course, – before you criticise somebody, and blame them for something, make sure you have all the information, and make sure that your criticism is fair. How do you know if it is fair?


Easy. Follow the PAME code (Emee Vida Estacio) and use a little bit of TLC. Is your criticism TRUE? Is it LOGICAL? Finally, is it CONSTRUCTIVE? If your comment fails any one of these criteria, then suck it back in and say nothing at all. Better for everyone.

And remember when you point one finger at someone else, there are three pointing back to you.

Change Your Life for Good PAME Code

Atomic Habits by James Clear

Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones. Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results. A revolutionary system to get 1 per cent better every day

Atomic HabitsPeople think when you want to change your life, you need to think big. But world-renowned habits expert James Clear has discovered another way. He knows that real change comes from the compound effect of hundreds of small decisions – doing two push-ups a day, waking up five minutes early, or holding a single short phone call.

He calls them atomic habits.

In this ground-breaking book, Clear reveals exactly how these minuscule changes can grow into such life-altering outcomes. He uncovers a handful of simple life hacks (the forgotten art of Habit Stacking, the unexpected power of the Two Minute Rule, or the trick to entering the Goldilocks Zone), and delves into cutting-edge psychology and neuroscience to explain why they matter.

These small changes will have a revolutionary effect on your career, your relationships, and your life

My 5 take-aways

  1. Goals are about the results you want to achieve. Systems are about the process that leads to those results. As a side note: There are no good habits or bad habits: only effective habits. Ask the question, "Does this behaviour help me become the type of person I wish to be?”
    1. If you want better results, then forget about setting goals, focus on your systems instead
      1. So James Clear says “Fix the inputs and the outputs will fix themselves”.
      2. Create a system of ATOMIC HABITS. An atomic habit is a little habit that is part of a larger system.
    2. Outcomes are about what you get. Processes are about what you do. Identity is about what you believe.

I am focusing on creating a habit of writing. Focussing on who I wish to become. A writer. What about you?

  1. Every belief, including those about yourself, is learned and conditioned through experience
    1. What do you want to stand for? What are your principles and values? Who do you wish to become?

We need to take a deep dive into our psyche (might need a life coach?) to understand what this means for us. What/who do we believe we are? Start by completing the values questionnaire that you will find on this page. It is a great start to finding out what you believe about yourself. Some core values from Mr James Clear.

  1. The 4 laws of behaviour change are as follows:
    1. Cue (Make it obvious), Craving (Make it attractive), Response (Make it easy) Reward (Make it satisfying).

I won’t go into these in much detail. You’ll need to read the book, but suffice to say, you can use these 4 laws to guide you through the minefield of issues standing in the way of your success. Any success. Business, personal, emotional, financial – whatever.

Note that the inversion of each of these rules can be used to break ineffective habits.

  • Take the cue from something you WANT, really want, and make it, in your mind, really obvious that this is the way you need to go. Lose weight for example.
  • Then convert this into a craving. Make the whole deal attractive, ie kinda like WHY you want it. To be the best looking guy/girl on the beach. See it. Feel it. Smell it. Hear what people say. You know what I mean.
  • Respond to these feelings by taking action. For this to happen – it must be easy. No one will do anything for long if it is tedious. This is where small comes in. Start with having only half a glass of wine with dinner or half a serving of dessert. (If weight loss is your goal).
  • Finally, you need a reward. (Not another chocolate biscuit) Think of something you really like, say an extra hour in bed with a good book? Something that will make you feel good. Do it. Don't miss it. This is very important. That’s it.
  1. Use triggers to help you. If that happens- do this. Do things at a specific time each day. (I write 700 words each morning before breakfast. Doesn’t matter what I write it is the process that counts.) Then try stacking one habit upon another. After I do that – do this. Make the environment work for you. Put pill bottles next to your bed, for example, so you’ll get into the habit of taking your pills before you go to sleep.

Remember the 2-minute rule. When you start a new habit, it should take less than 2 minutes to do.

  1. Finally, Surround yourself with people who have the habits you want to have yourself. Have an accountability partner or mentor. This is a fundamental law of personal development.

There is much, much more. The book is full of lists, exercises, references and stories to which we can all relate. Look for the paper clip strategy for example, and see how it can work in your life. A strategy about habit tracking.

Management thinker Peter Drucker is often quoted as saying that “you can't manage what you can't measure.” Drucker means that you can't know whether or not you are successful unless success is defined and tracked.

Check out the Goldilocks rule. What the? Yep, it's a real thing. Look for it in ch.19.


Make one small change and repeat it over time. A new habit will be formed, almost un-consciously. This is awesome stuff.
Read ‘The Slight Edge’ by Jeff Olsen and David Mann.

5 Key Take-Aways 7 Favourite Self-Help / Personal-Development Books





Interesting. I just said the word Fiverr when I started this article which I read into Evernote; and Evernote knew to put the extra ‘r’. More about that in a moment.


Today I joined Fiverr as an affiliate. Now I don't know if this affiliate business is a new thing or not. Fiverr has been around since 2010, it provides an eBay like platform for entrepreneurs and/or freelancers to offer their services to customers worldwide.


You think you can do something? Provide a service? Then create a profile and upload a ‘gig’. (that's what they are called), onto the platform and someone may buy what you are offering. All gigs must charge $5 US or more. Hence the name Fiverr. The extra ‘r’, I'm told, is because, as you might expect, when they tried to use the name Fiver it was already taken. Much hipperr and coolerr anyway.

You can offer a service, or buy a service just like eBay. Of course Fiverr takes a small-ish commission (currently 20%) from every sale. Many people love it. “Hey, I got this cute tune I play on my guitar, can anyone think of some lyrics that might go with it?” Fantastic.
Or the reverse.
“I have this song, these lyrics, can someone write me a melody?” Or someone might be good at generating graphics or short (even long) writing pieces for advertising copy or blog posts. Stick em up on Fiverr and away we go.


It seems with the huge number of services listed (more than 5 million) it would be hard to make a quid - too much competition, but there are many people earning a full-time living using Fiverr and nothing else. Of course there are many complain that it doesn't work. Actually it doesn't. You have to work. Fiverr is just a platform.

I read about a guy who claimed he couldn't steal enough time from as full-time job to service his fibre clients properly. So he gave it up. (Fiverr that is not his job) and he complained that he couldn't make enough money from Fiverr. Fiverr’s fault of course.

On-Line Service

It's another one of these online services which have mushroomed over the last 10 or so years Uber Airbnb etc.

Clever idea. I seem to think I was a member a while back. Didn't know that you could join as an affiliate. What that means is that you (meaning me for the purposes of this article), promote the Fiverr platform on a webpage (this blog post), social media and anywhere else we can think of.


This means making people aware of the platform - it's not a secret but, as with many things like this, it has a specialised audience.

These people may sign up as a buyer, or seller and perhaps even, if you are lucky, they buy a service you get a kick-back for this. Cool baby!

Fear of Change eBook

Time, I Don’t Have Enough

Time, I Don’t Have Enough.

Every time this excuse is given when a person is asked to do something – EVERY time, it is an excuse. It is worse – it is a lie.

I Don't Have TimeWe all have all the time in the world, as the saying goes, as many hours in any day as the richest busiest politician, or multibillionaire business person.

Recently I was told this lie by a person I know to be busy – on call 24 hours per day, a person I respect greatly. But not enough time? I was asking a favour that would have taken a total of 12 – 15 hours total, spread over a period of 2 weeks, and about almost 21/2 months in the future.

This was obviously something this person did not want to do. Either the task itself or for me? It is really irrelevant. Why did they just say, “Nope. Sorry. No can do.”

It would have been true and a straightforward answer.

We tell what my mum would have called ‘white lies’ these untruths, many times each day of our lives. Most of us, anyway.

It made me think.

Why do we put ourselves through these guilt trips? Are we of the opinion that it makes the let down easier, “Oh yeah, I know. They are very busy. It was a shot in the dark anyway.”

Hardly. Most, if not all the time the listener knows it not to be true. Sometimes, as in my case, the time commitment is very small and not actually limited to specific days. Well, most of it anyway. So ‘too busy’ doesn’t make sense. ‘I don’t really want to do it.’ does though.

In the end, the asker still has to find another volunteer. Nothing changes. So letting a person down easy as an excuse is not valid. A let down is let down. The asker can rant about it, moan and groan, react angrily and all of that, but at the end of all that negative reaction, the asker still has to find a new person to ask. So it hasn’t helped.

A thought, perhaps, if there was a reason why this person did not WANT to do the task, then a kind word explaining why the required task could not be done might be very useful. I can’t do it because what you are asking conflicts with my values, or I do not have the required skills to climb that particular mountain. (If that were, in fact, true) Or, perhaps, “I’m afraid, I don’t really want to work with you on this or any task for [insert a VALID reason here.]”

This way the asker can request said assistance from another with a greater chance of success, knowing a couple of reasons why one person said no.

We prioritise our time, for sure, but we can ALWAYS find time to chat on the phone, have a beer/smoke, or update social media, or be involved in work or other meetings. But we can MAKE time for something we want to do.

Think about your life over the last few days – week or so. I bet there have been a number of ‘white lies’ of this nature in your recent past.

Perhaps you have not really figured out WHY you do not want to do something, but there will be a really good and valid reason which relates to anything other than TIME.

Time is the age-old EXCUSE. You do have time, you just do not wish to do what you have been asked to do.

Think about it and be honest. Say, “Nope. Not this time, mate.”

And don’t offer the, “Perhaps another time.” comment. It will never happen. It is not, almost always, a matter of time anyway.

That is to say, as long as you are physically available/able to do the task and not for example away on an unalterable trip. Even then if the task is compelling enough, you will make time.

Be straight up-front and tell it like it is.

What’s it all about? We are in Control of our lives!

Fear Mongering

Fear Mongering

Fear mongering in particular on social media with a side serving of the news.Fear Mongering


I think the main problem is figuring out what the agenda is for those were stirring up the fear. For politicians, it’s easy to understand. Fear will help them get elected and then they will have power and money. Powerful incentives to generate fear amongst the voters. “I will help you and ALL the others will make your life a misery.” Well, we don’t want misery, so we vote out of fear.

Not Politicians

But what about others? In an example I saw just the other day - What did the authors get out of writing about how we are being lied to, their words, by those in charge of our food production? And how these five (read any number here) foods are bad for us? What is in it for them I wonder? I am addicted to NOT being in fear, so I didn’t read any further. But later I wished I had because I wondered if there was a reason I wasn’t been aware of, from the heading, for this kind of story. What was their expected result? Was there any expectation or was this just fear-mongering for its own sake?

I guess a cynic would not believe what is being written without some kind of background info check but the ‘great-unwashed’ (you and me generally) well, we often just believe what is being spouted and fear raises its ugly head.

Fear is Fear inducing

It's fear of fear as Timothy Ferriss implies in his book “The 4 Hour Work Week”.

Ferriss, Timothy. (2011). The 4 Hour Work Week. London: Ebury Digital

We become afraid of fear itself even if we have no particular argument with the topic. Of course, you would have had to read the whole article, but I for one have better things to do with the 20 mins it takes to read. I mean if I don't eat the foods they are bashing why am I frightened? Not sure. But I am.


Fear of fear again, I guess. The result is that we begin to doubt stuff in our lives, all kind of stuff. A bit like spooks around every corner and the Reds under the bed scare of the Cold War era and beyond.

Once we succumb to this fear of fear itself, positivity and our gratefulness for our lives are eroded and we are left in a sea of doubt, uncertainty, vulnerability and fear. No proof is needed. We are afraid.

That is really quite sad. Particularly if there is nothing to back up the stories.


Is the author selling us something? Other than his own insecurities? And his own unfounded fear? If you don’t question the likely truth, the background to the opinion, the credentials of the author, then you are letting yourself be sucked into the morass of fear.

I challenge each and every one of you. Next time you read an extremely negative story on Social Media or the TV or in a newspaper (online or onpaper) ask yourself the following questions:


True – Is what you are reading true? I mean is there some proof? What are the FACTS behind the opinion piece? What are the credentials of the person making the claims? How can we verify the so-called facts? Are they really only trying to sell you something and not letting the truth stand in the way of a good story?

Once we have answered these questions we will quite possibly have to discount the article right there, If it's not true or can’t be verified. Then forget it.

LogicalDoes the whole thing make sense? Is it logical or perhaps just some sales pitch or wishful thinking. Do the arguments follow on from each other? Or is it only a disjointed series of pseudo-facts dressed up to look and sound good?

If our answers to these questions throw the logic of the comments into question, even if the ideas seem to be true as discussed above, then the article might not be worthy of any more of your valuable time.

Constructivefinally. Is the information constructive? By that I mean is it looking for the positives or focussing on mainly negatives? Nothing is wholly wrong. Right and wrong are two sides of the same coin. There are usually as many positive aspects of any situation than there are negative. If any article is not offering a way forward but is only tearing down an institution or person, or situation, idea or belief – even though it might be true (verified) and makes sense – it is again not worth time invested in it.


Most information we consume does not follow the TLC regime. If something we are reading or being told fails ANY ONE of these tests, it is more than likely fear-mongering.

We really ought to keep these questions/answers in mind when we share, like or repeat the stuff we read, watch, or are told. We might be perpetuating fear instead of imparting useful information.

*The TLC acronym comes from a book I read and loved a short while ago.

Estacio, Emee Vida. (2018). Imposter Syndrome Remedy: How to improve your self-worth, feel confident about yourself, and stop feeling like a fraud! (Psychology in your life Book 2). California, USA: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.

The Imposter Syndrome Remedy

Fear of Change eBook

Writing Every Day – Journaling

Writing Every Day – Journaling

JournallingI find I don't think about my daily writing task all that much. I just start writing and it kinda flows. I don't have an agenda, although I sometimes, like today, reflect on a conversation I had a few days ago and wonder what I did/said that was capable of improvement. What that improvement might look like, and what I am going to do going forward to address the situation.

Sometimes I just talk to myself - often a bit like a teenage girl’s angst-ridden diary sorta thing (pretty cool from a 70-year-old gent). Often I do grateful stuff. Things I am grateful about today. You know, simple things like the sun is out. Often a bit deeper, like I am glad I am alive and can actually see that the sun is out.


There isn’t much structure about what I write. Sometimes it is rambling, sometimes an article I have been wanting to write, often a reflection on my day or days and occasionally even a kind of a loose planning session in my head for the days or weeks to come.

Every now and then I decide to write something directly from my imagination – a piece of pure fiction if you will. In this case, I make up, remember or am reminded of during my morning meditation, a word or phrase, and this becomes the beginning of the opening sequence of a story in the making.

An example might be, “I wonder what it would be like if the sky really did fall on chicken-licken?” Then off you go. Stream of consciousness.

The Artist's Way

“The Artist's Way” method I have read and often spoken about works. This is from the book by Julia Cameron and is a masterclass in discovering how to unlock your latent creativity in many areas not only writing, and how to make your dreams a reality.

Julia Cameron leads you through a program to recover your creativity from a variety of blocks, including limiting beliefs, fear, self-sabotage, jealousy, guilt, addictions and other inhibiting forces, replacing them with artistic confidence and productivity. It links creativity with spirituality.


It was quite some time ago that I figured if I was going to be a writer then I needed to practise the craft.

You see, you need to exercise this writing muscle of yours and it needs to be a daily occurrence. I work on doing it at approximately the same time each day, but as long as it has become a habit you will feel really bad unless you do it. And habits don’t really take that long to develop.

I always do it in longhand in a foolscap book, and once the pen hits the page it doesn’t leave until the time is finished. Oh, didn’t I say? I allocate 10 mins every day to this task.

No Overthinking

I never overthink this writing task. Nor do I read what I have written back. When that happens it shits itself and I can't continue. When the 10 mins I allocate to this each day is up. I stop. Just like that.

Published Author

What Did You Learn Today?

Downsizing Minimalist Approach

Downsizing – The Minimalist Approach

Recently, I have stopped (or am in the process of stopping) a lot of the things I have been doing around town. Not because I don’t enjoy them, but because with so much happening I was beginning to let people down. And this was a huge let-down for me.

DownsizingYou see, I LOVE to do stuff for people, but if I forget or run out of time or change my priorities, then things drop through the cracks.

It is VERY important to me to keep to my word. If I say I am going to do something then I WANT to do it, and I want to do it sooner rather than later, to over-deliver if you will.

Too Much

When I arrived here in paradise I took on anything and everything I could to get me out in the community and mixing with people. I loved it. Still do. But there comes a time in everyone’s life, I expect, when you have to take a hard look at things and decide what activities and which people are giving you the most enjoyment and excitement even. Then you focus on this part of life.

Stop Doing So Much

Keeping Promises

Sometimes this means taking a minimalist approach and downsizing.

I am better able to keep my promises (and we all I am sure promise much more than we can ever do in several lifetimes) if there are fewer of them stacked up.

My list of things to do is often overwhelming and never reduces to any manageable number. So it becomes necessary to chop. And chopping I have been.

New Challenges

It is sad to see some things go, but change is inevitable and we all have new challenges we want/need to follow. If we add them onto our already full schedules, something has to give. And the result of this is failing to meet the expectations you have put upon yourself and the rise in guilt and self-recrimination when deadlines and appointments are missed and people are let down.

Look After Yourself First

It is NOT selfish to sort out your life and your activities. Remember the airline: put your mask on first. If you are not in control of your own life you cannot offer any part of yourself to others, and this is certainly my aim in life. What’s yours?

Finding Yourself

Fear of Change eBook

“Fear of Change” eBook

Within the next 6 weeks or so I will be publishing my first full book. (I already have a published chapter in the book of which I spoke in an earlier post).


All Me, Quotes and History

This will be just me. And a lot of quotes from, I guess you’d call then my mentors, (although I have not actually met any of them), and help from my Face Book friends.

This book will investigate change through the eras from the Stone Age through until today. Did you know Plato (428BCE to 348BCE) thought writing and books sucked? More About that in Ch 3.

Covering 50 Shades of Change

This book will look at many different types of changes, and the reactions of people of all ages, races, walks of life and all socioeconomic strata, to find out why we fear this change thing.

What is it we fear, and what can we do about it will be discussed.

Some options will be canvassed and further readings suggested.

I’m expecting it to be about 15-20K words and sell for about $0.99c. Should be a bestseller in no time?

Beta Readers

A lot closer to publication time, I will be calling on a few of my friends, colleagues and/or acquaintances to have a bit of a look as beta readers or whatever you want to call them, and provide me with some positive feedback (positive doesn’t mean feedback all has to be good – far from it, I will need all the help I can get, but “this book sucks” is not really very effective nor helpful feedback. Right?) Just sayin’.

Any Ideas?

While we are on the feedback thing, if anyone out there reads this and reckons they have some questions about Fear or Change or Fear of Change, let it all hang out. Hit me up with some stuff I can put in the book. You might even get your name in it. My Yoga instructor has secured a chapter heading quotation under her name. This could be you.

Anyhoo, you may think of something you reckon I ought to address in the book (what you see here is a very, very limited synopsis) send it in, and ya never know.

Published Author


Coffee as an Agent of Change



Yesterday I was chatting with an Aboriginal woman who was telling me how upset she was with a comment from a chap sometime earlier who had said, “No way. You’re not an Aborigine. You are too white.”

After telling him she would return with her boomerang and spear made from her family tree, she walked away disgusted.

She told us this.

A cup of coffee is said to be black if no milk is added. Add a little and it becomes slightly less black. Continue adding milk until it is really very white. “Is it not still a cup of coffee?” she asked.



A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed that as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high flame. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She then pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The granddaughter then asked, "What does it mean, Grandmother?"

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity -- boiling water -- but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her granddaughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavour of your life. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you changed by your surroundings or do you bring life, flavour, to them?


I have no idea where this came from, (so I can't give credit to the author which is a pity) but it was too good not to share.

Learning. What Did You Learn Today?

Depression, Anxiety & Compassion

Want More – Be Grateful

Want More – Be Grateful

Two things have come to mind today that we need to talk about.

Why do we often want more? And as the obverse of this coin, why are we not grateful for what we have?

Want More Be GratefulNothing

Just the other day, I woke-up feeling that I wanted to do NOTHING.

For the shortest time, I gave-in to the erroneous belief that I had to do something. Anything. Lying around was not an option.

I considered this, then dropped back onto the bed, snuggled up a bit in the warm and – retrieving my phone from the night-stand, began to follow-up on a few emails that had come in overnight, catch up on Google news and check out a few of the writing groups to which I belong. Ahhh luxury.


It was lovely. Finally dragged my body out of bed about 10.00 in the AM when I could no longer ignore the pressure in my nether regions.


Sorted that out, then dropping in on my favourite breakfast nook I began to heat up the kettle for coffee (a morning elixir I find hard to ignore) and fired up my trusty toaster for my sustenance for the first part of the day.

I didn’t NEED to do anything today, oh yeah I had a lot on my plate so to speak, but it was all of my own making. I wasn’t feeling lazy as such, just disconnected from the need to WANT anything other than what I had.

Want V’s Need

What do I have? All I need is the correct answer. Sure there is more. More money, more friends, more excitement, more meetings, more travelling, more things to achieve etc.

When you boil it down, if more of us were, every now and then, satisfied to just ‘Let It Be’ then we’d all be a lot happier and much more relaxed in our attitude and approach to life.


This is not to say we should not strive to change it up, write something awesome, build a better mousetrap or whatever; but being grateful for what we have right here, right now is a very useful strategy.


I am grateful that I am alive and pretty healthy, all things considered, for a bloke approaching 70. (I know a lot of people who do not have the physical agility and mental acuity I still have). I am grateful that I can decide to just stay in bed for another hour or two on my ‘lazy day’; do what pleases me when it pleases me and STILL have enough time and resources to, well, just do it.

What Does It All Mean?

Let’s finish with a kind of a summary of the main points of today’s little piece, shall we?

1. We don’t always have to strive for more, even though change only happens when we do – it is NOT necessary 24/7 365 days of the year.

2. Be grateful for what we actually have (remember a bird in the hand?) and say ‘Thank You.’

3. De-stress by lowering the CONSTANT expectations we put upon ourselves, and luxuriate in the fact that while we may not have it all, we quite possibly have enough. For now.

The Imposter Syndrome Remedy

Values – Be A Better Person

Values: How To Be A Better Person Using Values

Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values.
Ayn Rand 1905 - 1982, US Russian-born novelist and Philosopher.

Values are often founded on our beliefs and the rules we associate to these. Values are what we have decided to hold onto. Values describe individual or personal standards. Values are emotional states which we want to experience. Values are waypoints on the map of our life. And they are merely thoughts. Figments of our imagination.



Everyone has values - They are important and often unconsciously developed; meaning we may not be aware of what they actually are but they are still running our life. What's with that?

Values are the present or current state of our thinking, not a goal – they are an end point, not a journey or a means – and they are a feeling/emotion you want to experience on a regular basis but not something you are aiming for or moving toward.

Values may have bubbled up out of the primordial soup of our life up to now. They are, according to the dictionary: principles, ethics, moral code, morals, standards, codes of behaviour. Stuff like that.

They are what we think is important in our lives. Perhaps a bit like the ingredients list required when baking a cake. Everything is based on them, can't happen without them, but what you do with them is entirely up to you.


Personal standards are nothing more than a set of behaviours. They are the set of behaviours that we have decided to live by. While the dictionary definition of values contains the word standards, it is better to think of these as the way, through our behaviours and actions, we embody or represent our values.

The manner in which we live is usually a reflection of our personal standards, or to put it another way what we are prepared to put up with. We often We have to step out of our comfort zone if we wish to raise our standard
If, for example, one of my values is Learning, I would ensure that I am open to new things and this would set the standard for my daily pattern of life. I do not seek 'sameness', but raise my sights and my standards so that I come away from each day's endeavour with something new. No matter what is presented to me, I find a way to learn from it. That is espousing the value of learning and the increasing the standards by which I carry on my day to day business. What did you learn today becomes my daily mantra.

Tony Robbins

According to Anthony Robbins - life values are:

• your Personal Compass. Values guide our every decision and, therefore, our destiny.
• a personal / life value is something that is very important to you; that is a principle that you will live by no matter what happens.
• generated from a mixed bag of experiences, of lifelong conditioning through punishment and reward.
• the cause of difficulty making an important decision: you can be sure that it's a result of not being clear about your values.

Robbins further divides values into two different categories:

• Moving-toward values which are those where pursuing a reward or pleasure is paramount. For example: common sense, self-respect, integrity, making a difference, freedom, learning, significance, humour.
• Moving-away-from values which are those where avoiding punishment or pain is the main objective. Things like: rejection, anger, frustration, loneliness, depression, failure, humiliation, guilt.

Evaluating Values

Not all values are equal. There is, and needs to be a hierarchy – some you will follow in one set of circumstances and some in others. Some are more important. A bit like “Animal Farm”. 'All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others'.

• Avoiding 'values conflict' is vitally important. For example, Health/Vitality might be a top value for you, but Fun/Happiness as a value within the same hierarchy might suggest late nights with friends - eating and drinking too much and not feeling like exercise in the morning. These two values cannot co-exist for very long without some heavy pain. You be the judge.
• Similarly, if your top moving-toward value is Success, and your top moving-away-from value is Rejection then you are setting yourself up for a major conflict. And a major failure.

◦ A person trying to achieve the pleasure of success without ever experiencing the pain of rejection will never succeed in the long term.

Another example: Honesty and Integrity may be in conflict at times too. If being honest about a situation would result in pain and suffering for another person, but your value of Integrity forbids that type of action – then how do you deal with that? Perhaps you replace Honesty with Integrity or juggle the hierarchy to get them both to work?

In a time of war, for example, on being captured by an enemy you may be asked, “Are you alone?” If you are with another soldier, the answer, “Yes.” is dishonest, but may save a colleague who has not as yet been detected. The answer, “No.” will invariably end up in the capture of someone else. A situation probably best avoided in a war scenario. Integrity, as a value, allows a person to be dishonest in this circumstance and still remain true to their higher standard.

Figure out your current values. Remember they are not real. They are just something that you chose or was chosen for you to live by. If they don't match your current life. Get rid of them. Find new ones. Just pick one or more value words from the list available at one of the following websites:

400 values Barrie Davenport.
Values - Steve Pavlina

Just make a decision. Don't over think. Choose from the lists.

Final Words

As usual with this kind of thing, values are nothing if not applied to your life. They are building blocks, pieces of the jig-saw, maps. The whole point of any of these discussions is becoming the best person you can possibly be.

Take this knowledge and use it.

Check your values. Do you know what they are? Are there any conflicting values, or are some of your older values incompatible with the new you. The person you are now, or want to be in the future?

This must always be about how to get better results at work or home, how to have a better relationship, how to be a better parent etc. Values per se are nothing, they exist only as the basis for the standards by which you live. They define the essence that makes up the person that you are.

Bring your life into sharper focus with values.

Your Success book for Mithra Publishing

Success Unlimited – Mithra Publishing

Finding Yourself

Retirement, Redundancy – Life Plan

Retirement, Redundancy - Life Plan

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Title stolen from a movie which was a 1964 black comedy that satirized the cold war fears of a nuclear conflict between the USSR and the USA.
But the fear of life after retirement or worse, redundancy is even greater. It is MUCH larger than ANY nuclear conflict could EVER be. It IS the BOMB.
Many men and women have often had very little life outside their jobs or careers. Career equals Identity.

The Issue here is:


Often after retirement, redundancy or being told by a doctor we can no longer work at our normal life career, we find ourselves getting up late, sitting around under our partner's feet, resenting that our partner still has a career or a life purpose. Playing too much golf or bridge. Gambling. Eating and drinking too much, waiting until the evening so we can go to bed, watching too much TV. Annoying friends and family is up there. Beginning to stop taking care of ourselves and this can include cleaning the house, or even eating and showering regularly. What's the point some might say.
Men and women often feel  dumped, betrayed, bitter, worthless, stupid, not trusted, not loved, a waste of space, depressed, suicidal, better off dead.

Anything else I am missing?

When it comes to life, people are often spectators. They let life happen. They may plan their careers, the building of a new home, or even a holiday, (most people spend more time planning a one-week holiday than they spend planning their life).

They are reactive rather than proactive.

They drift along, often to destinations they would have never consciously chosen: poor health, failing relationships, a stalled or no longer existing career.
That is why so many people end up discouraged, disillusioned, and wondering what went wrong. They arrived at the wrong destination.

The good news is that it doesn't have to be or stay this way."

If you have been recently retrenched, retired or deemed unable to work at your usual occupation for health reasons, then this is you we are talking about. THIS IS YOUR LIFE!

OK. What do we do about it?

What we need is some kind of strategy to change the current state to something we want, like, or need.  A new career. A new hobby, New people to talk to, new stuff to learn, a new way to spend time that feels worthwhile.


You realise, of course, that: "Life is What Happens To You While You’re Busy Making Other Plans."

My life:

YCW, teaching, photographic classes after school hours, theatre directing, community radio, help desk manager, process improvement, facilitating workshops, training – coordinator, course development, public speaking seminars, and now!!!

What pattern can we see here?

What am I doing now? Is there any link to this pattern?
What about patterns in your lives? Anyone care to share?
In a moment - not yet - we will talk about developing a 'life after career plan'.

6 Core Needs

There are a couple of things we need to look at before we move on.
We all have 6 core needs that MUST be fulfilled, one way or another?

Certainty, Variety, Significance, Love and Connection, Contribution, Growth

What we are good at, or not doing so well. Wheel Of Life?Wheel Of Life

Right. We have established that those who are scared of the two big R's and the MU words have not zero, not one – BUT THREE things they can think about and do to make their life worth living again. Does that sound fair so far?
These are: Look for patterns, investigate our core needs, fill out a wheel of life. (Don’t know about this Wheel of life thing, then let me know in the comments and we’ll cover that next time.)

Now that we have that part sorted – It's time to have a look at a 'life after career' Plan!

Why do you need a life plan? Three reasons:

1. It will give you clarity about where your life is headed.
2. It will keep you in balance when things get crazy.
3. It will give you peace of mind, knowing you are addressing those aspects of your life that matter most.

Making up a 'Life after Career Plan. What do we need?

Look back to our patterns from before. Write down on the back of the sheet the pattern you see in your life. Just one thing. Pick one.
(8 things) Interests, strengths, hobbies, sports, other leisure time pursuits, jobs you have had, friends you have, wish (bucket) list.

To develop a life after career plan – we need to:

  • Find a pattern
  • Understand your core needs - Certainty, variety, significance, love and connection, contribution, growth
  • Identify your strengths and talents. What you are doing well, not so good. Wheel of life.
  • Use these patterns, needs, strengths and weaknesses to generate goals. (SMART) 3 or 4 only.
  • Review these goals to make sure they address the most important aspects of your life.

Apply this to your life now.
Perhaps you have a few better ideas of where you can go from here, what you can do to make your life a lot more fun? A lot less pain?

Looking back over what we have done:

  • patterns in our lives.
  • 6 core needs
  • wheel of life
  • 'life after career' plan
  • SMART goals (3-4)
  • where to next?

Where will we be in 1 month if we do nothing?
If we make some changes as above?
What about 6 months?
Knowing what we now know, where will we be in 2 years from now?
What will we be feeling that is different?
What will we be hearing that is different?
What will we be saying to ourselves that is different?
What will we be seeing that is different?

Life Plan – How to write

Change Your Life for Good PAME Code

Goddard - Revision

Neville Goddard’s Revision Technique

Neville Goddard's Revision Technique.

Goddard - RevisionGo back and change the past in your mind. See things that didn't go so well; working the way you had planned.
It talks about editing the memories in your mind so that any time in the future that this or a similar situation arises, you will only see the positive result. Kinda interesting. But what does it mean, and how does it work? Is it a scam?

Neville Goddard - Reddit:

Neville Lancelot Goddard was a spiritual teacher and author from Barbados, widely regarded as one of the most influential New Thought and Law of Attraction teachers. He originally came to the United States to study drama and became a dancer, but his study of metaphysics led him down a different path.

The Technique in Detail:

Revision was taken from Neville Goddard’s 1954 lecture, The Pruning Shears of Revision.

1. Review an event that didn't go the way you wanted it to go. Don’t judge it, just review it.

2. In your imagination, rewrite and revise the event the way you wish it would have gone.

3. Get into a state akin to sleep (SATS). Many wonder what this means - it is simply a state where you feel completely relaxed, and can be done in any comfortable position.

4. Relive the revised event in your imagination over and over again, until the imaged state begins to take on the tones of reality. That is until it starts feeling as though it may have actually happened the way you would have preferred.

5. Either fall asleep while repeating the scene or wake up from this drowsy state once you know it is done.

Neville suggests that at the end of each day we revise our day the way we wish it would have gone, then relive the day in our imagination in accordance with our desires until it feels real. Through this method, you can revise any unwanted event, and you will find that in the coming days and weeks, things will start to change for the better in accordance with your revision. (Reddit.com)

Manifesting and ACTION

This is another way of postulating that we should manifest or visualise a desired outcome. It is a tool.
There seems to be quite a lot of information on-line about Revision, including a large number of articles explaining how the technique has worked for the writers.
As in all manifesting/visualising techniques, though, most writers have pointed out that there is a requirement for action. You need to follow the process, but also put steps into place to make it more likely that the required outcome will happen in the future. Nothing happens if you sit on your hands, they say.
It can, some have said, be used to heal and/or repair our bodies as well, by envisioning the event that apparently caused an injury or illness, as having happened differently, and the bad or undesired outcome is not the result. A bit “out of this world”?

Not sure how this meets the action criteria, but we have been told by a very large number of Gurus that ‘we get what we focus on’, and there is, of course, a huge body of literature on both sides of this argument.
But I believe ‘The Revision Technique’ has merit.

Try Revision

As I said, there is a lot of anecdotal evidence that this process actually makes a difference. Give it a go and let us know in the comments how it has worked for you. Or not as the case may be. BUT remember it may not happen overnight.

What’s it all about? We are in Control of our lives!

Published Author

Published Author

I Am A Published Author

Being a Published Author is supposed to be of great assistance in furthering your career as a writer. I reckon that means you have to tell people about this published bit? Right?

There is a book published in 2015. Success Unlimited The Key to Unlocking the Secrets of Success, Kizzi Nkwocha (Ed), Sussex UK: Mithra Publishing.


Sixteen contributors to this book (thought leaders) have all written articles (chapters) speaking to areas of success in which they have expertise.

Many of these people are world renowned and come from varied backgrounds and disciplines. There are entrepreneurs, teachers/trainers, bloggers, psychiatrists, life coaches, business men and women, professional speakers, writers, leaders, marketing and sales executives just to name a few.

Most are from Australia, and among this illustrious crowd, you will find me. Yep. I am a published author.

My contribution is called ‘Beliefs, Rules, Values and Language – Their Role In Your Success’. It can be found on pp.(200-218).

Not Mainstream

You cannot find much of the material in this book in the mainstream, (although the book is available in most great bookstores and online from the various outlets), but that that does not discount the value that can be gained from these insights. The writers are all speaking from real life experience and the information is absolutely top notch.

No Vested Interest

You cannot find this kind of stuff in books by the well-known self-help and personal development writers, because in ‘Success Unlimited the authors have no vested interest in the sales of the book, nor in the acceptance or otherwise of their ideas; their aim is to function as servants, operating out of a wish to share their experiences, successes and sometimes fears, so that others may be better versions of themselves after having read the various articles in this wonderful book.

Nothing Changes By Sitting On Your Hands

Your Success book for Mithra Publishing

Goals, Change and and Process Improvement

A book I recently read about Change, called “Switch” by brothers ‘Chip and Dan Heath’ mentioned some research they had encountered in relation to popcorn - discussing how the size of a popcorn bucket influenced the amount a person would  eat, even if the smallest quantity was more than enough; and more importantly, even if the popcorn was old, stale and horrible.

Why am I failing?

"I've read so many books on goals, taking small steps, creating new habits, affirmations and manifesting - to name a few. Why are they not working?."


The conclusion was that it was not people and their popcorn eating habits that ought to be targeted in an attempt toget them to eat less unhealthy food, but the size of the bucket.

It was not, the research concluded, a people problem, it was a system issue.

People or System

Recently I encountered a similar situation. A venue had been established wherein an event would take place that required people to enter, and after a few minutes to complete their business, leave again.

A track had been set up that didn’t work. Staff were required to constantly redirect existing customers to the approved exit, (about 85% of those entering tried to leave in a fashion contrary to the established path). Signs and barriers were amended and moved and added to - all day. It was the opinion of the staff that the people were not very smart if they couldn’t figure it out.

Not A People Problem

In my opinion, it was not a people problem at all. It was an issue of incorrectly allocating the exit and entrance doors.

If they had been swapped around, customers would have been able to move into the area and after doing their business continue to circle to the right (we are predominantly a right-handed society – so this is how we often would go) and then leave by the nearest pathway to the outside. As it happens, the way they all tried to exit anyway, but this time there would be no need of staff to redirect wayward clients, because the normal, natural way to leave would be the way they all chose by default.

It would have appeared in this case then, that almost all people were very clever and were following the signs/barriers erected to help them.

Preferred Pathway

The reason given for the ‘preferred’ pathway, was that it had a ramp for wheelchairs. A great thought, but only 3 wheelchairs entered and left (through the same allocated entrance/exit door) during the whole time the venue was open, but staff were required to direct the errant exiters all day.

Once again, a system issue not a people problem.

Life – Change – System Issue

It started me thinking about myself and how I go about my life. Am I making my life all about me (the person) and ignoring the system? Perhaps the process is wrong? Maybe it’s not a problem with me at all? Am I feeling guilty when it’s actually not my fault, not personally at least?

What do I mean by this?

Perhaps I have set my goals too high? Maybe I’ve not taken the action required to achieve these goals? How am I going to reach this point, make changes I think are necessary for my life? Of course, there’s more than this, but it’s a start, isn’t it?

What Do You Think?

Is a consistent failure to achieve goals a people problem or a system issue? In my case, I use excuses, procrastination, other priorities, lack of time, lack of money etc to stop the progress. Most of the time. What do you think?

Affirmations Morning Routine

Morning Routine Affirmations

Purpose My life's purpose is to ADD VALUE to the lives of others, which starts with achieving everything I want in my own life, and never settling for less than I can be, do, or have so that I can 'pay it forward' and learn through experience how to help others to achieve everything they want.

Infinite Wisdom All things are possible when I actively connect to the infinite wisdom available at all times through the power of the Universe. Remember my thinking brain is restricted by my physical, mental and emotional limitations, but when I actively connect with what the universe has available for me at all times, that is when miracles are possible.

Authenticity I will give up being perfect for being authentic. I won't make everybody happy, some will judge me, criticize me and talk behind my back, while others will praise and respect me, spread goodwill about me and pray for my continued success. Everyone who truly knows appreciates me because of the value I give to others. They support me financially with connections and resources to bring me to my goals. I am grateful for those people.

Overcoming fear and worry Fear and worry a misuse of my intelligence and imagination. Only think positive self-affirming and confidence inspiring thoughts. If I am to use my imagination, it should be only to imagine myself doing or writing something great.  there literally is nothing to fear or worry about, because I cannot fail - only learn and grow.

Rest and Relaxation Taking regularly scheduled periods of R&R are crucial to my happiness, health and success. I love to travel; trips and me with new perspectives & ideas by removing me from day to day routine and allowing me to share carefree timelessness with my family and friends.

Reflection I will invest time in reflection, gaining a deeper perspective by asking questions like: "What am I doing well that I need to acknowledge myself for? What can I be doing better? What am I not even thinking about doing that I should be?"

Self Confidence I am just as worthy deserving and capable of achieving everything that I want in every area of my life as any other person on earth. The only thing that separates me from the most extraordinary life I can imagine is my level of commitment to becoming the person I need to be to achieve everything I want. From this moment on I am 100% committed to my personal development each day so that I can create and sustain the levels of success that I truly want and deserve. I commit now to schedule and follow through today with the necessary actions that will ensure that I create the extraordinary life I deserve to live. From this moment on I give up being perfect for being authentic. I will be myself, I will love myself and others will too.

Relationships I will love all people unconditionally because that is how we all deserve to be loved. I refuse to judge others because I recognise that I have no way of knowing that, had I lived another person's life, I might talk and act exactly the same way. I also understand that the more value I add to the lives of others, the more value that I will receive in return. So I will focus on adding as much value as I can, to enrich the lives of every person with whom I come in contact.

Adversity including depression I know that where I am in my life now is both temporary, and exactly where I need to be to learn what I must learn so that I can become the person I need to be to create the life I truly want. Even when life is difficult, especially when life is difficult, the present moment is always an opportunity for me to learn to grow and become better than I've ever before. Just as others have done, I can turn any adversity into an advantage by accepting all that is out of my control - past present and future, so that I can give myself freedom from emotional pain, to be at peace and create the life I truly want.

5 Key Take-Aways 7 Favourite Self-Help / Personal-Development Books

5 Take-Aways - 7 Favourite Books

5 Key Take-Aways

Soon we will look at 5 Key Take-Aways from the each of the 7 books in the first list of my favourite books, that will be sent to those who already subscribe to my mailing list and, automatically, to ALL who subscribers going forward. Completely free. This post is a teaser. I am not ready to begin yet, the summaries have not been written.

But ...

The first seven books will be as follows: 1. The Secret – Rhonda Byrne; 2. Atomic Habits – James Clear; 3. The Miracle Morning - Hal Elrod; 4. Cheaper By The Dozen – Frank Gilbreth; 5. Switch: How To Change Things When Change Is Hard – Chip & Dan Heath; 6. Think And Grow Rich – Napoleon Hill; 7. The Slight Edge – Jeff Olsen with John David Mann.

Not reviews - Summaries

I have been reading Self-Help or Personal-Development books for many years. The plan for this particular ebook is to give you a summary (not reviews as such) but a list of the lessons I have learnt from these books. I will limit each summary to no more than two pages, so this whole ebook should take 10 to 15 minutes of your time, and will, I hope, give you an insight into each of the books I have chosen. I have included each one of these because in one way or another they have affected my life. Some more than others. Some I remember long after the initial reading, some I only think about every now and then. Some I have read more than once and have rather heavily annotated either in the physical or the electronic versions.

Changed my Life?

To say they have all ‘changed my life’ is somewhat clichéed and probably not completely true. I use many of the principles I have read, often in my life and this is a good thing.

All these books have in some way made some kind of change IN my life. Some minor, some quite major. Change in the way I think or do things rather than the over-arching changing my life situation is what we are going for here.

My Opinion

This list and the views herein expressed are mine alone and this isn't in any way a recommendation that you should buy any of these books. If you do, I might make a small commission (see the disclaimer note). But that is not the point. I want to give you all the same chance as I had to ‘do life’ differently.

Not Self-Help or Personal Development

One of the books in this first list could not be categorised in any way as Self-Help or Personal Development, per se. I first read it when I was about 10 or 12 years old in New Zealand, and I still act, to this day - some 60 or so years later, in ways that I first did when I originally read this book. This is what I mean by change the way I do things.

Alphabetical Order

The lists are organised (and there will be five lists or tranches in all at the end of the series), in alphabetical order according to the surname of the first credited author so there is no hierarchy here. These will all be free and automatically forwarded to current subscribers and progressively to new members of this exclusive group as they sign-up.

There is however a hierarchy in the series - tranche 1 would include books that were more influential in my life than those in the lower tranches. Does that make sense?

Purpose According To The Author

I will start each summary by stating the purpose of the book as postulated by the author; then we will look at my five key take-aways. (Please don't take me to task because your understanding of these key points is different from mine - they are bound to be). Do engage in positive comments. I would love that. You can agree or disagree, it's up to you, but in the end, this is my list. Oh yes.

Five Lists

There will be 5 tranches in all. They will become available over time, as I generate them. Some of your favourite books may make it into this or later lists. And by the way, I am only human and have not read more than a very tiny percentage of books in either of these genres. Some I have deliberately passed over (or ignored), many I have not had the pleasure, nor time, to get to.

Therefore these lists are not ‘all inclusive’, nor ‘exclusive’ – and they do not intend to be. If you know of a book that you believe I should read, let me know. I'd love to read it and perhaps include it in a later - 6th list, perhaps? Or it might push itself up to an earlier list. Who knows? OK?

To Finish

On a final note, as I go deeper into my bookshelves both physically and electronically, I may find books that need to go into a list that I have already completed. Oh well. It will go where it will go. I’ll point out if something belongs higher in the order of things as I come to it. Whatever, as they say.

What Did You Learn today?