Loneliness On-line Living

Loneliness and On-line Living

Imagine yourself in 1918/19/20 anywhere in the world.

This time was the era of the infamous Spanish Flu.

Lasting from January 1918 to December 1920, it infected 500 million people – about a quarter of the world's population at the time. The death toll was estimated to have been anywhere from 17 million to 50 million. The flu was considered to be one of the deadliest pandemics in history.

A large factor in the worldwide spread of this flu was increased travel. Modern transportation systems made it easier for soldiers, sailors, and civilian travellers to spread the disease.

Another was lies and denial by governments, leaving the population ill-prepared to handle the outbreaks.

Hmmmm. Let’s just think about that for a moment.

Rationing

Food, clothing, petrol, leather and other items were rationed. Perishable items such as fruit were not rationed. Access to luxuries was severely restricted. People in the countryside were less affected by rationing as they had greater access to locally sourced unrationed products than people in cities, and were more able to grow their own.

America

In America, states and cities across the country told people to do what we now know as social distancing. Schools, restaurants, and businesses were closed. Public gatherings were banned. People were told to isolate and quarantine. In some places, this lasted for months.

As the disease progressed, so did the government-imposed measures. By Oct. 10, 1918, the state took the unprecedented step of ordering all public institutions closed. Schools, theatres, saloons were ordered closed, football games cancelled. Libraries closed. Eventually, sanctions were issued against public coughing and spitting. Funeral homes stopped having open-casket visitations.

Cities and entire states imposed emergency measures similar to those in place today, aiming to flatten the flu’s curve by keeping people apart from each other. Places of business, education, and worship were temporarily closed, and masks were required in some areas.

Communication

This was the era that predated the Internet, predated TV, predated even commercial radio stations, so a true shelter-in-place order back then would have been a much bigger hardship than it would be for most people today.

Back in 1919, Americans drove their Model T's to see silent movies (before the restrictions, of course) and dealt with new-fangled inventions like toasters and zippers.

Australia

Responses within Australia varied from state to state but the crisis often led to the closure of schools, churches, theatres, pubs, race meetings and agricultural shows, plus the delay of victory celebrations. (After the end of the first world war.)

The result was not only economic hardship, but significant interruptions in education, entertainment, travel, shopping and worship. The funeral business boomed, however, as the nation’s annual death rate went up by approximately 25%.

Phones

It looked like the telephone might help people carry on their lives with minimal disruption.

1918 - It was estimated that approximately ten million Bell system telephones were in service throughout the U.S. There was that then.

The phone also emerged as a means of news dissemination in an era when even radio was not yet a mass medium. (The first news broadcast didn’t take place until 1920.) At the time, the most expedient way to share breaking news was something newspapers called stereopticon bulletins.

Both publishing medium and brand-building exercise, they involved projecting news alerts, photos, film clips, and cartoons on giant screens at a paper’s headquarters or other location. Think of them as analog predecessors of the electronic news tickers that survive—just barely—in hubs of activity such as Times Square.

No TV

The world's first television stations first started appearing in America in the late 1920s and early 1930s. The first mechanical TV station was called W3XK and was created by Charles Francis Jenkins (one of the inventors of the mechanical television). That TV station aired its first broadcast on July 2, 1928.

Electronic television was first successfully demonstrated in San Francisco on Sept. 7, 1927.

So no TV to use to divert us from the situation in which we find ourselves. Pity.

Not Much Radio

The radio broadcasting of music and talk intended to reach a dispersed audience started experimentally around 1905–1906, and commercially around 1920 to 1923.

From as early as 1890 there was already a system whereby news, music, live theatre, music hall, fiction readings, religious broadcasts, etc., were available in private homes [and other places] via the conventional telephone line, with subscribers being supplied with a number of special, personalised headsets.

 

The first commercially sponsored radio stations in Canada appeared in 1922. The first British station offered two daily half-hour programs of talk and music from Chelmsford (near London) in 1919–20.

The first voice and music signals heard over radio waves were transmitted in December 1906 from Brant Rock, Massachusetts (just south of Boston), when Canadian experimenter Reginald Fessenden produced about an hour of talk and music for technical observers and any radio amateurs who might be listening. Earphones only. No loudspeakers.

One of the world’s first scheduled radio broadcast services (known as PCGG) began in Rotterdam, Netherlands, on November 6, 1919.

And no radio to listen to.

Gramophones were available

From the mid-1890s until World War I, both phonograph cylinder and disc recordings and machines to play them on were widely mass-marketed and sold.

But these were quite expensive, as were the discs and cylinders, so were not as readily available to the masses as might be expected.

Radio in Australia

The first radio "broadcast" in Australia was organised by Ernest Thomas Fisk of AWA on 19 August 1919. He arranged for the National Anthem to be broadcast from one building to another at the end of a lecture he'd given on the new medium to the Royal Society of New South Wales.

What Does All This Mean For Us?

It seems that, in the historical perspective at least, we are so much better off then our compatriots 100 yrs ago that it hardly bears thinking about.

Entertainment

On an entertainment basis alone we have it better now. For example telephones with unheard of features, radio, TV and music players right here in our own homes. No need to go out for this kind of amusement.

Electronica

Let’s now look at the electronic side of things.

There are smart phones, hand held computers (tablets and laptops), The Internet, and the most wonderful of all (at least in the area of connection and keeping in contact), social media. Again, all this right in our own homes.

Be kind. Refrain from judgement. I don’t mean that social media in its entirety is necessarily all that wonderful, although we must remember that it is only a medium for our society to provide the content. If we do not like this content it is not inherently the fault of the platform, but of our compatriots – the content providers.

But my point is, as a communication and connection system, it is very hard to beat if used in a manner that conforms to the acronym TLC. Is it true, logical and constructive? (Emee Vida Estacio).

It opens up a whole new world.

Grateful

We have so much to be grateful for.

Without leaving the comfort of our homes we can talk to, virtually visit, and actually even see (live) other people with whom we can communicate. It is almost like being there without the hugging.

Yes, I realise the endorphin rush one gets from hugging and other physical contact – even the shaking of hands – is absent, but that is really a learned behaviour and we can LEARN to overlook that in the short term.

New Ideas

The number of ways the community in which I live at least, has stepped up and found new ways to amuse those within it, and others near and far as a community goes, is nothing short of miraculous.

Name any endeavour, pretty much, and you will find that being practised here.

Music, cooking, art including photography, painting, drawing, sculpture and many other handcrafts are being lifted out of the attic of our minds and given 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th chances.

What Am I talking About?

Imagination has no bounds. Many people who have been doing stuff face to face up until now, and for whom social or physical distancing is not an issue, have begun to operate “on-line”. Business as usual.

Music

We have musicians performing alone in their lounge-rooms or studios. (even a bedroom in one case). They are doing this because it is part their daily practise anyway, and since they can't perform at a venue, they reckon their music should still be available for those who want to hear it. So it is. Fun and entertainment for all.

Learning

Then there's teaching. Classes can be held using interactive video apps (zoom for example) on phones tablets and computers where teachers do pretty much the same as they did before. This has covered, music, dance, fitness – all varieties, yoga, karate and other activities including group coaching sessions.

Payment

For online classes, groups have been set-up so those joining, the yoga class for example, can only do so once they have paid - online – the usual class fee. They can then be admitted to see and participate in the activities.

Musicians and visual artists as well, have been supplying PayPal (or other platform) payment addresses on the bottom of their screens so those who wish can pay for the entertainment or artwork as they would if they had gone out to a venue shop or gallery. If you can put a price ticket on something, there is a way to receive money for your efforts. You can even just receive donations of any amount the payee wishes to make.

Then when it’s all over you pop into the next room to eat your dinner. And have a fully deserved glass of wine if that is your thing.

Obviously the same or similar payment activities apply to take-away food purchases and most other retail set-ups where online ordering is taking place via hastily set-up call centres. Again delivery is made by the vendor or the purchaser picks up their order from a designated place obviating the need for any risk of breaching of physical distancing rules.

Writing

Many people have turned to writing as a form of amusement for themselves, and the future entertainment of others. In our town this involves writing plays to be presented on our radio station. This activity also revolves around bush poetry and other kinds of writing, such as short stories and novels. The field is huge.

Gardening and other hobbies.

By the time we have included designing, creating, weeding planting, watering if required and caring for the gardens around our homes, there is not much time left for anything more, except maybe jigsaws? We even have clubs for that. Swapping jigsaws. Keeping track with photos of our progress on the various Internet platforms.

I mean the ways we can divert our minds AND keep in contact with other people (those we know and even strangers) is virtually endless - Pun intended.

Cooking

We have a Facebook group where people cook stuff for themselves, for the local shops and for those unable to make the same effort due to age or disability. These dishes are shown in their finished brilliance, and some of the cooks/bakers actually video the whole process as a teaching exercise as well. In these cases our presenters have often had to learn new skills totally unrelated to the cooking process to be able to make this whole thing available to others. How do I make a video for example?

New Skills

This is something they have had to find on The Internet (not available 100 years ago, remember) and using the YouTube platform as an example, have been able to master some techniques they had not even thought about before. These new skills will stay with them now and forever. How cool is that?

Volunteers

Quite a number of citizens have begun doing stuff for businesses, schools, councils, and other facilities (wherever this can be done while still abiding by the now normal distancing rules), in a way that safety and keeping the spread of this disastrous disease at it’s lowest lever possible is maintained.

Chopping up fallen trees into bite size bits and distributing these to older members of our society free of charge and neatly stacked by the back door of their home, is a self-set task of at least one of the chaps in our community. Keeps him busy, happy, exercised and knowing he is helping people who are in need of this kind of service. And he ends up with his farm free of broken trees. Cost to our benefactor – a bit of petrol for the chain saw and the ute and a LOT of physical exercise. Again you might say a win-win. All can be done without worrying about any one being near enough to anyone else to spread the virus. Fantastic.

What Else?

Even without high end technology, we can all find things to do to amuse ourselves during this time of enforced stay at home thingy.

What about dressing up to take out the bins (by yourself) – taking a selfie and presenting it on all your social media platforms as something else to do. We are all so inventive if we let ourselves be. Oh well a bit of technology. But you can get help with that if required.

Add in the whole online experience and we have e-commerce (selling your stuff on line no shop rent, fit-out, or any ongoing costs), photos and words and a bit of extra service where it is useful, such as contact free deliveries and you are set. Payment all made online without touching anyone. Works for almost everything except for services requiring actual physical contact like hairdressers and other therapeutic services.

I guess one of the things we need to think about when life returns to normal, is what kind of normal do we want going forward. What is the NEW NORMAL?

Non-Technical People

There is the issue of, usually older, people who do not have any electronic means of payment (credit or debit cards) and who distrust them anyway so would never use them, or believe they are too old to change and learn the new way of doing things , online computer or smart-phone, (not actually true and a self-defeating belief) but these people may insist on doing everything the old way and paying with cash which is probably the easiest way to pass on the disease, and is likely to be refused by vendors as too much of a risk.

Handling actual money is a sure fire way to catch the virus no matter how careful one might be. A very high risk activity.

For these people there is here a great need for gentle education, coaching, lifting of self-confidence, and enhancing belief in themselves and their inherent abilities. And trust issue need to be addressed. Dealing with closed minds is part of this process. It can all be done while still adhering to social distancing rules. Just takes patience, empathy and understanding.

We can all adapt if there is no other way. That has been proven by history for many decades.

The imaginative mind can always find a way round an obstacle if that is the only way in the end. No one needs to lose their dignity. More about this in a moment.

Loneliness & On-Line Living

How does this all relate to loneliness - the reason for writing this in the first place?

Well, without being judgemental or making false assumptions, I am not sure, in the face of all this above, how anyone can be lonely. At least here in my home town.

But - remember you have to DO something. The world does not owe you anything. If you sit around waiting for the sky to light up and to hear a big deep loving voice crying out to you, telling you exactly what to do for the next 6 months. Specific steps, and giving you all the process information needed to make it all work – then you are a tad deluded I'm afraid. That will not happen. Not like that anyway.

Those who talk about manifesting and The Universe (people who have read The Secret by Rhonda Byrnes for example) KNOW that you must DO something. They also know that as you move through whatever it is you have DECIDED TO DO, certain clues make themselves apparent to you. Suggestions about your chosen path. You need to be attuned to these hints and your life will take on a whole different meaning.

Note: much of you original planning might become redundant during this activity, but follow your heart (The Universe) and you will be surprised where it takes you. Or maybe not. I dunno.

Helping Hands

However, with so many people going out of their way to create support systems for others, and making new ideas available, during this crisis, there is really no excuse for sitting out this dance.

I know it’s hard. Was for me. I became an organiser of dance parties and a manager of night clubs in the mid 60’s (when I was a teenager) as it seemed the only way I could even get girls to talk to me. I did have very bad acne.

I just could not put myself out there and make it happen. So I understand if there is a certain amount of reticence. But you have to get out there. Try something very easy.

In our case, my town, look at FB, find a jigsaw puzzle picture posted by someone in one of the support groups here, buy it next time you are at the shops, or look for it on-line (eBay or something else) and do it. You can connect very gently with some of the others in the group and ask about a difficult bit, or boast about finishing it. Not lonely.

That is the beginning of a connection. Keep yourself open and you may make a new friend. Wouldn’t that be loverley? Of course his might be done internationally as well. Remember the Internet is world wide. Having someone you can ‘talk’ to even if it is just typing a message and they are 12K km away is a connection. They are a ‘friend’.

Computer literate and on-line.

This is or can be a major hurdle. Again I understand. I used to be so scared to touch a keyboard because I figured I was so dumb and stupid, I’d do the wrong thing and delete everything on the screen.

I decided to overcome this affliction and eventually became a help-desk manager for 4-5 years at various places of business in my country. You can do it. You just have to make up your mind and follow your heart.

I know I've said this heart stuff before, but it is important because we humans all tend to OVERTHINK pretty much everything and it is that which often ends up with us curled into a ball, fetus-like, trying to hide from the world that hates us and trying to avoid the very thing we want; companionship and perhaps even love.

Overthinking

Computer literacy is just like that. We overthink it. It is not really hard. Commonsense most of the time, but while there is a learning curve, there are very many people in your real world that you can talk to live and touch (after the virus business anyway) and they will be overjoyed to help you master a few basics. Most often for no money, as these people can be a tad evangelistic and just want you to know what they know.

To type a few letters or articles or whatever, send & receive emails, and ”surf the net” as they say, are really all you need in the beginning. You’ll find, I bet, that you want to learn more after you master these steps.

But, guess what? These computer nerds / teachers don’t know you and they don’t know that you’re are waiting to learn stuff unless you get out and ask. They are not – most of them anyway – clairvoyant.

Lying in bed saying, “I am lonely, poor me,” and just waiting for it all to happen is not going to cut it, I’m afraid.

Lamp-posts

The simplest act might be just putting a hand written notice with your name and phone number on a lamp-post or two or a verandah support or a shop window in town, asking for basic computer help. That’s a really great start. You might get a phone call. You’ve answered the phone before so it’s not that scary. Not like approaching someone, a stranger in the street. Keep yourself open and you never know you might suddenly find yourself beginning to like the new you.

No Computer

If you don’t have a computer, these nerds may be able to help you at their place or help you purchase a computer and all the bits and pieces you need to get started. How cool is that?

The whole process is a bit like a pool that you are frightened to jump into because it might be cold, but you’ll find once you get in (even just slowly one inch at a time) it is is actually quite OK. And you only need to stay for a little while. Perhaps the second time a bit longer? And so on.

Each of these are steps away from the over-arching blackness of loneliness.

Perhaps this enforced isolation during the COVID-19 virus pandemic will be the push you need. Make a move.

DO SOMETHING.

Too Old

You are NEVER too old to learn knew skills. It just might take a lot longer if your faculties are becoming a little mixed up. But you have time if you are older and retired, don’t you? It might be all your really have.

Summary

At the end of this virus generated need for physical isolation, and life changing experiences, we will come out the other side a very different and much more resilient society than that which reluctantly entered this state of being in Jan-Feb 2020.

We will have learned, again a lot of the things our ancestors from 100 years ago learned. We will have, hopefully, become more attuned to our families and be more aware of our responsibilities, in a social sense, to our neighbours, to those who work with us, for us, or provide us with service of the very many different types.

We will have found new and different ways to amuse ourselves. We will all have learned new things, unless we did the ostrich head in the sand thing.

We will have changed the way we do entertainment, service to others, and business in general in many if not all our current enterprises.

Some of us will have been forced to downsize their activities - perhaps to nothing, through no fault of their own and may find that they are completely at a dead end and need to start all over again. From scratch. That is sad. They will do that. Or change the way they are doing life.

We have survived many of these pandemics as a human race. this one will not beat us either.

Isolation – Lock-down & Sanity

Isolation – Lock-down And Our Sanity

Recently we have been seeing a plethora of FB posts lamenting the isolation that we are all (many of us anyway) feeling due to the lock-down provisions of our local Governments in an attempt to slow the growth in the number of infected persons, and deaths due to the Corona Virus. COVID-19.

Physical Separation

I wrote a while ago about how we should call the situation physical rather than social distancing so as to avoid these mental gymnastics. (By the way some week or so after I wrote that article – the mainstream press started calling for this change in nomenclature as well. I was ahead of this particular curve).

The issue with passing on the illness is physical proximity. The virus passes through the air or via surfaces. Social distancing is not required and is, in fact, very damaging. We, as humans NEED to interact with others. It is very important.

I wonder if the use of this terminology is the basis of the almost desperate clamouring about going ‘batshit’ crazy that we are now hearing all over the world.

Social Isolation leads to Loneliness

Let me say it again. We should NOT be isolating ourselves socially. In any way, shape or form. It is dangerous. It is not good for our physical or mental health.

We are extremely lucky in this day to have electronic means of communication available to us. During the wars (I and II) when isolation was practised in a different manner and for somewhat different reasons – there was nothing. We had ration books for food and other necessary shopping items partly because of panic buying, but more because manufacture was restricted to stuff for the war effort.

But if we stayed at home, we had only our immediate family to comfort us. Unless we were herded off to bomb shelters, and this had its own set of issues.

Today we have mobile phones with cameras, text, movie, photograph and internet connections. We have social media applications on our phones and on our computers. (Oh yes – no computers back in the war years). We have TV and radio to keep us entertained. We have real books and electronic books.

Repair The Gate

The other day I read a little story about how the gentlemen amongst us have been saying for years to our significant other, that we will repair the gate, mow the lawn, build the pergola etc when they have time. Well now my friends since you are unable to go to work or the pub, you have NOTHING but time. SO off you go.

What I am saying here is there is no need for crazy behaviours. We have many tasks to do which we have been stacking up. These can now be tackled.

We have a huge number of social activities available to us that do not require physical proximity.

Gig Guide

Just one to mention. I have been compiling a gig guide for my local community for some year or so now. This has been a listing all of the musical events that have been happening around the town. It had daily updates and covered the current week and several months into the future.

This has all stopped. We can’t go out.

BUT. There are a lot of musical people here that can’t be held back. They are either getting together as family groups (allowable if they all live under the same roof) or meeting via ZOOM, SKYPE or other electronic meeting applications and playing music for those of us to partake of as audiences.

Virtual Parties

So we are still able to get together to listen to music, and using PayPal or other money transfer applications either on the phone or the computer, these people are able to ask for and receive $$$’s for their efforts.

In fact music lessons (in a virtual classroom) are happening as well. And these are generating income for the teachers – in some cases more than they earned pre COVID-19. Off the top of my head I can think of two instances of this teaching thing right here in my small hometown, And there are plenty of gigs or concerts as well. Virtually that is. How cool is that?

There are SOOOO many ways we can do stuff in these drastic times if we only use our imaginations and to use a cliché – think outside the box.

Chopping Wood

One older chap in my town is chopping trees that have blown over on his farm into bite sized chunks of firewood and delivering them FREE to older citizens (making sure to adhere to the physical proximity limitations), stacking them and coming away knowing he has helped others enormously, knowing he has made a valuable use of his time, and knowing that his physical and mental health has been improved immeasurably. A win-win-win really.

Does he feel crazy? I reckon not.

In fact, I think if you really came down to it you might need a day or two just to make a list of the things you can do to alleviate the boredom you seem to be suffering. I mean this is just the list. Before you start to do anything.

Old Acquaintances

The other night I spent 1 hour 23 minutes chatting to an old girlfriend. I think she was my first. Girlfriend that is. I hadn’t seen or heard from her for more than 50 years, but my musical connections and my radio show got me to thinking about her. I spent some time (on social media - nice little task all by itself) researching her and low and behold she finally sent me a FB message and we exchanged phone numbers. After that we chewed the fat. On the phone. She in one city and I in another some 700km apart. Plenty of physical distancing there. But ZERO in the social distance sphere. Old times were rehashed. Lots of stuff I remembered. Much I didn’t. It was lovely. And this can continue into the future. Thank you COVID-19.

Action

If we sit around expecting the world to provide us with everything we need – that is not going to happen. We need to take action. We need to avoid victim thinking.

While we are on the subject of taking action, something else has rocked me. Over the last few weeks many people have complained on social media on tv and the radio and in newspapers about the apparent lack of direction from the Government re schools and businesses being open in spite of general lock-down procedures.

Leadership

Many have lamented the lack of leadership, in our country. Their failure is to realise that not frequenting businesses outside the home, not sending kids to schools and many of the other things being complained about, were ALL under their own control. Surely I don’t need, as a parent, to wait for a directive to keep my kids from school if I genuinely believe they will be at risk if they attend? I mean, come on. How ridiculous is that? I made decisions about my children myself. Their safety was my only concern. Of course that sometimes meant compliance but not waiting for someone else to take action. That was down to me.

What Can We Do?

Finally let’s have a very quick look at some things we might do or think about doing in these strange times to make use of these few hours every day that we have available.

Apart from chores as mentioned earlier, which we may not like, but which are required anyway, here are some (and only a very few) ideas. You’ll notice, I haven’t included things like organising your CD or book collections as these can possibly be considered chores if you had thought of them before. Anyway the ideas.

Sleep, rest, relax, read, write, think, watch TV, listen to the radio, research (ancestry.com for example), watch webinars or podcasts, teach classes, learn, read/write blogs, help others (volunteer), minimise, garden, plan your NEW bucket list for when restrictions lift (travel for example), plan for new things to do, talk, socialise, shop online, paint, draw, take photographs, many different arty and craft things, visit virtual art galleries, listen to virtual concerts worldwide via your phone or computer, invent stuff, join and participate in online groups where you have an interest or even a passion for the topics being discussed.

I mean, it goes on and on.

Perhaps you can add to this for us?

Challenge

There’s your challenge. Takes imagination, but you can do it. Add to the list of things to do, that will mitigate loneliness and add value to your locked-down life.

Colin Learns to Play

Colin Learns to Play

Now that we’ve finished with the boring and the worrying stuff – the stats and all that, it’s time to have a look at some stories. Let’s see what I can dredge up for you.

Not Lonely

In the beginning of these blogs, I kinda hinted that while I am often alone, I am rarely, if ever, lonely.

That is now. Wasn’t always this way. There were times, but we are not going to go down that rabbit burrow today. Not that we won’t – just not now.

Growing Older

I was chatting to a friend recently – you’ll hear from him later in this series of blogs – and we discussed that as we have grown older, we have found that it is actually easier to fill the emptiness that seems to be the precursor of this lonely feeling this emotion. It is also easier to remove ourselves from the toxic people and situations that tend to lead to negative thoughts and even depression. Something that we could not do at an earlier age.

Cliche alert! We lamented that if only we knew what we know now (at 70 and 80); when we were teenagers and shortly beyond, how different our lives would have been.

Mentors

We talked about mentors, (having one or more) and young people who have very little understanding of the real world and, sadly in very many cases, no genuine reason to follow-up on that kind of thinking. We talked about how in school, numbers and stuff like that were given more focus than self development. Self confidence, beliefs, values and ways to understand and control our reactions to events around us especially those NOT under our control, were given no time at all. Our teachers were not measured by this sort of philosophy and so it never happened, (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy - REBT - for example.) What’s that? Another day.

Loss

We’ll dip into the lives of chaps (suitably disguised of course to protect the innocent and those no longer with us) and look at how they have coped with the loss of their wives. We’ll figure out why they are not accumulations of psychotic, continually depressed human beings.

Mindset

Perhaps you can take some of these thoughts and help yourselves to a realisation that “If it is to be – then it’s up to me”. (A quote from William H Johnsen – Also the title of a book by Robert H. Schuller, author, motivator and host of the popular television show Hour of Power. I’m not sure which came first – but if doesn’t really matter. The quote is valid anyway.)

Life Coach

I am a trained life coach, so if there is anything I can do to help you personally, contact me here loneliness@colinlearnstoplay.com and we’ll figure out a way to think it through.

Resilience – Loneliness

Resilience and Loneliness

One of the issues surrounding resilience is that young people have it. In spades. And that is an interesting situation.

Resilience - Definition

You see resilience means, according to the Oxford dictionary: The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. Or in the case of objects - The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.

Bounce Back

Imagine a difficult – toxic if you will – relationship.

Young people can recover from this, bounce back on almost every occasion and become what they were before. In other words, the relationship has little or no lasting effects after it is over.

Focus

However, over time, the old adage that you get what you focus on becomes part of our lives and we as humans find that although the resilience factor in our brains remains the same as it used to when we were younger, (the focus component), and we still believe we are as were were back then, the ability of our older selves to cope with this, emotionally, and ofttimes physically, reduces. We become less able to bounce back. More likely to over-react. Unable to manage the difficulties. We are not as tough as we used to be.

We are more affected by things as we get older

What I am saying here, is that things that affected us only slightly, if at all when we were young, can become major issues when we are older.

But because we are predisposed to believe in our perceived resilience, it takes a long time for us to realise that things need to change. We need to move on from certain relationships. We need to give up on situations that no longer serve us and become more aware of our current situation.

3 Ages of Man

It seems to me that there are three ages of man in this argument.

1. Youth. Where nothing seems to matter. All is well and we just mosey on through life with very little baggage.

2. Middle Age. This is where we waste a lot of time struggling with people and issues that drag us down, but we seem oblivious, and do nothing to mitigate the state and live in a bad place for many years.

3. Finally we have the mature (read older) age group where we become aware of the fact that we can change our lives, make different choices and live much happier lives as a result. And we generally do. Most of us anyway.

Older

Having reached this older category myself, I sit back and wonder why it took me so long to slough off the toxic people and to stop enduring the situations that were not to my advantage. I don’t really know, unless the discussion above lends some clarity to the issue.

Perhaps it does. Who knows?

I wish that we were better

But I do wish that the larger, middle portion of our lives was easier. No. As Jim Rohn said in many of his seminars and books, I wish that we were better at making those life altering decisions which we seemed to have been so bad at.

I wish that we had set ourselves up at a much earlier age to be perhaps less resilient and more cognisant of those people and things around us that were making us unhappy.

I would like to think that loneliness, for example, might have been addressed at each of these three levels of life in a much more effective way than it obviously has.

What do you think?

Loneliness Is … Blame

 

Loneliness Is … Blame

It is sad that blame seems to be arising again. I am very sad that many humans seem to be unable to take responsibility for their own actions.

Two occurrences I came across recently have me feeling the need to call out this behaviour.

But firstly, let me say that is is my belief that feelings of loneliness fall into this category. If we blame someone else for our FEELINGS, they will NEVER be sorted.

Okay. Here we go.

#1. Daniel Radcliffe.

He posted in FB that he blamed the Harry Potter series of movies that made him rich and made him famous as the reason why he became, a few years ago, addicted to booze. Made him a drunkard, he said.

Well, I wasn’t with him those days, but I very much doubt anything other than his own arm and hand held the glass that he so ingenuously poured down his own throat.

No movie did that. No mate did that. No fan did that. (They just gave him the mney to do it to himself.)

How can this be true?

He reckoned it took him a few years to break this habit (yes it was a habit), and in the end, he said that it was a decision he made himself, with a little help from his friends. to drag himself back from the brink.

Finally, he admitted that HE and HE alone was responsible for this drinking problem. Now he also said he had help. Nothing in what I am saying necessarily says you can do this – break the habit - on your own. Help is almost always necessary, but solving any problem cannot be done without complete acceptance that you are in charge of your own destiny. Help is cool. But you are in control. Good on you Daniel. Nailed it.

#2. Road Accident.

I also read about a road accident near where I live. A FB poster suggested that the accident was caused by poor road conditions.

Now this is a bit more interesting. Yes, of course, if road and weather conditions are ideal then these kinds of accidents are less likely to occur.

But as the world is so very far from being ideal we cannot rely on this situation to avoid accidents.

And during my life as a driver I have more times than I wish to be reminded, been told, “You must drive according to the conditions.” Meaning the responsibility is on you – not the road, not the weather, not animals or people in the way nor ANYTHING EXTERNAL. It is up to You.

Judgement

So, in this case was the road poorly maintained – a judgement call for sure, but maybe? Not that it’s relevant. If you can’t see, stop. I can guarantee if you are stopped and in as safe a position as you can be, it is less likely that you will have an accident. Not impossible, but less likely.

Of course someone else relying on other people to be in charge of their destiny might run into you, (after all visibility and road conditions are what they are) and even if you have made the best possible choices to avoid an accident – this might not always be enough, you may still find yourself embroiled in a bad situation. Nothing can avoid shit all the time. The universe may have had it in for you this day. How you deal with this is a topic for another time.

Take responsibility. Be in-charge of you.

Loneliness

How do I link these stories with Loneliness?

Well it is quite simple. If we accept, as most authorities do, that loneliness is an emotion, a feeling, and not something that is solid nor an actual object, but a mental thing, then perhaps if we blame other people and other external things for our condition, then this is a case of NOT accepting that we are in control of us.

This being so, then loneliness might be mitigated if we take responsibility. Be in-charge of you.

Think about it.

More Books Loneliness

More Books on Loneliness

Previously I posted a list of 10 books I found listed on the Internet that related to loneliness and how to overcome it, amongst other things.

Today I turn it over to you.

Are there any books you swear by that have helped you come to terms with you feelings about loneliness. They can be fiction or non-fiction, but must have had some effect on you. Doesn’t matter what kind of effect though. Made you feel better, worse, helped you think more positively, understand other people better, see things from a different perspective. Whatever.

One or two is enough, and you can leave some comments as well, if you want, that might help us understand where you are coming from.

Perhaps after a while we can ask some kind soul to compile these into a categorised list and put it in the files section of the group, so all our new members might have somewhere to start looking for something.

Hit us up with some books now.

We Need To Talk About Loneliness

Need  To Talk About Loneliness.

Loneliness is …

A book I read a few years ago started with the words, “We need to talk about Kevin.”

Well, we need to talk about loneliness.

  • What is it?
  • How does it affect us as human beings?
  • Can you be lonely in a room full of people?
  • Can you fix/mitigate it?
  • Loneliness and social media
  • Loneliness and the smart phone
  • Loneliness is better than bad company

The list can go on and on. We will be extending it as we move forward with our discussion of this topic over the next few weeks and months.

There is a lot to be said.

A Listing Of 10 books (Self-help) on Loneliness:

These books were chosen as the top ten based on sales, bestseller rankings, and positive reader reviews on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Goodreads.

https://www.onlinepsychologydegree.info/top-10-self-help-books-about-loneliness/

Join our group.

Loneliness Is … https://www.facebook.com/groups/loneliness.is/

Loneliness Is … Concerned

Loneliness Is …

I have become increasingly concerned about the number of people professing loneliness in our society. Particularly amongst those over the age of 55.

I have rarely felt lonely (as I would define it – see below) in my life, so this is a difficult concept for me to come to terms with, but it is obviously ‘a thing’. What does it mean? What can we do about it? Is it an issue we need to deal with?

This blog is an attempt to address these issues.

Loneliness Is … Alone & Lonely – What is the difference?

Some info from The Webster Dictionary:

Lonely

1a: being without company: LONE

1b: cut off from others: SOLITARY

2: not frequented by human beings: DESOLATE

3: sad from being alone: LONESOME

4: producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation

Alone

1: separated from others: ISOLATED

2: exclusive of anyone or anything else: ONLY

3a: considered without reference to any other

3b: INCOMPARABLE, UNIQUE

What does this mean?

To me it seems that some of these words are related to feelings and some are related to facts.

So, our next questions then must be: what is a feeling and what is a fact?

Let’s start with a fact.

Fact

  • Webster says that a fact is something that truly exists or happens: something that has actual existence,

  • a true piece of information

So I guess that means if I am standing by myself, in isolation from other human beings, then I am alone.

That is a fact. It is verifiable. There is no one else in the area.

Emotion - Feeling

A feeling, on the other hand, is not a fact by this definition above. It is

  • an emotional state or reaction

  • often unreasoned opinion or belief

  • sympathetic aesthetic response

Fact V’s Emotion

Loneliness is therefore a belief, something created by the mind? Is that what we are saying here? I am feeling sad. Why? Because I am alone. A feeling, a reaction or response to a fact.

How does this work? What does this mean in real life?

Emotions - Feelings

Thus, loneliness is an emotional state of being whereby we find ourselves unhappy and feeling sad because of the LACK of human interaction.

Being ALONE is the same thing, really, without the emotional business. Does that make sense?

Can we change one into the other? Would we want to?

Facebook Group

In order to answer some of these questions and more, I have set-up a FB group called Loneliness is….

There will be a couple of confidential questions before anyone can join this group, and then it would probably be useful if those questions were asked and answered again on the open/public forum after a person has been approved to join the group.

This is totally optional, of course. You can join and just observe the conversations.

Let’s deal with this together. Let’s sort out what the issues are and work towards mitigating this question in our society.

I am talking about my hometown - where we can do stuff or talk about stuff face to face; the greater Melbourne Australia area where both face to face and electronic connections can be arranged; and then Australia and the world where we can use social media and other electronic means to meet and communicate. There is not even a need for any excuse that we don’t live in the same time-zone for example. I promise to make myself available as the need arises. This is such an important subject. I’ll be there for you if necessary.

The questions? OK. Here they are.

  1. What does loneliness mean to you? Definition, I guess. 1 sentence only please.
  2. How does loneliness affect you in your normal everyday life? 1 sentence only please.

Head on over to Face Book and join the group. Answer the qualifying questions and then, when approved, repeat your answers (if you feel you want to) so we have a basis to start a dialogue with you.

Loneliness In Australia

Loneliness In Australia

Numbers - Stats:

Let’s start with a few numbers and some bits and pieces culled from around the web shall we? This part is not my own work (I will tell you where it comes from if I know) but it is germaine to the whole topic.

We need to know the facts, as far as we are able to ascertain them, before we can do much that is intelligent, don’t we?

There is one school of thought that says there is very little difference between genders in this state of affairs and since that makes things a whole lot easier. we’ll go with that. OK?

There is a difference in age groups though. See below info from VicHealth below, the State Health Authority from Victoria, Australia. I am going with our older group here, the over 75’s. Some of the stats tell us that over 65’s until this 75 age group have less problem with loneliness than all other groups, but that might be for another time.

I am not going to pull out the stats but refer you to the attached document which does a pretty good job of telling you the facts and all the facts. Too many for me to discuss in detail.

Australian Psychological Society (APS) Swinburne University of Technology.

Loneliness Report

This covers in great detail everything you needed to know but were afraid to ask.

Except, perhaps, something that surprised me. Those amongst us of high IQ (more than 150-160 say, not me, I’m afraid) are more prone to being lonely than those with lower numbers, because they find it difficult to communicate with those of lesser intellect than themselves. They become kind of social outcasts. Interesting?

Neil Howe of Forbes Magazine has this to say:

The scourge of loneliness is an issue that we’re going to hear ever-more about in the years to come.

The Economist/KFF findings add to a wave of recent research showing high levels of loneliness. A recent Cigna survey revealed that nearly half of Americans always or sometimes feel alone (46%) or left out (47%). Fully 54% said they always or sometimes feel that no one knows them well. Loneliness isn’t just a U.S. phenomenon. In a nationwide survey released in October from the BBC, a third of Britons said that they often or very often feel lonely. Nearly half of Britons over 65 consider the television or a pet their main source of company. In Japan, there are more than half a million people under 40 who haven’t left their house or interacted with anyone for at least six months. In Canada, the share of solo households is now 28%. Across at the European Union, it’s 34%.

Have a look at the attached doc and then at these excerpts from VicHealth.

Vichealth.Vic.Gov.Au Loneliness:

A New Public Health Challenge Emerges – Some Excerpts for Your Perusal:

Loneliness can affect people at any point, but is more common among two key groups: older individuals aged 75 and above and, perhaps surprisingly, young people aged 15–25.

Figures released in April 2018 by the UK’s Office for National Statistics showed individuals aged 16–24 reported feeling lonely more often than people in older age groups. The statistics also identified a particular risk of loneliness among young people who were renting and who did not feel a sense of belonging to the local area.

Although research in Australia is currently limited, a 2015 survey funded by VicHealth found one in eight young people aged 16–25 reported a very high intensity of loneliness.

Why Do They Say They Are Lonely

Social loneliness refers to the absence of a social network made up of a wide group of friends, neighbours and colleagues.

The quality of those social connections is also important. Relationships need to be reciprocal, with those involved both sharing a sense of happiness, satisfaction and self-worth. (In 2012, a team at the University of California published the results of a study that found significant numbers of older people who identified as lonely were either married or lived with others.)

What Does Loneliness Mean?

Loneliness is commonly understood as an emotional response to the perceived mismatch between the amount of personal contact a person wants and the amount they have.

Men’s Sheds

A well-known community initiative that tackles social isolation is the Australian Men’s Shed Association. Its CEO David Helmers says, with a little humour, ‘There are currently 130-odd more Men’s Sheds [987 Sheds] in Australia than there are McDonald’s restaurants. Not that it’s a race.’

The Sheds target men who are no longer in paid employment, through retirement, redundancy or other reasons. Men can come to the Shed to build and repair items for the community, but that’s not the place’s main purpose.

The most important thing is the men getting together, building those relationships, that brotherhood that exists in the Sheds. They’re finding new friendships but, most importantly, finding meaningful purpose,’ says Helmers.

Most Effective Way To Reduce Loneliness:

The most effective way to reduce loneliness is to make people feel connected to their community,’. ‘Those communities may not be geographic – for example, they may be online for LGBTI youth or rural young people – but what’s important is they share common interests and develop meaningful connections.’

Holt-Lunstad suggests interventions ranging from a bigger focus on social skills training in schools, to making social connectedness checks part of standard medical screenings. Human Resources departments could prepare workers for retirement socially as well as financially, she says.

Planning out suburbs so they are walk-able and include social spaces where people can meet up, such as gardens or recreation centres, is also crucial. Media campaigns could raise awareness about loneliness while also removing some of the label’s stigma.

Public Health England, in its 2015 Reducing social isolation across the lifecourse report, highlighted that ‘access to transport is also vitally important for building and maintaining social connections’.

Affects of loneliness

There is robust evidence that social isolation and loneliness significantly increase risk for premature mortality, and the magnitude of the risk exceeds that of many leading health indicators,’ Holt-Lunstad told the 125th Annual Convention of the American Psychological Association in August 2017, adding, ‘Many nations around the world now suggest we are facing a ‘loneliness epidemic’. The challenge we face is what can be done about it.’

Holt-Lunstad drew on data from two meta-analyses for her presentation. The first found greater social connection conferred a 50 per cent reduced risk of early death. The second examined 70 studies and concluded that social isolation, loneliness or living alone posed risks for premature death that were as big as or bigger than obesity, smoking (less than 15 cigarettes a day) and air pollution.

We know that the impacts of feeling lonely and isolated impede your health, whether that’s your mental health or physical health,’ says Irene Verins, Manager, Mental Well-being at VicHealth. ‘We need to identify the factors that influence loneliness – at the level of the individual, the local community and wider society – to get some idea, or a clue, as to where to look for solutions.

The Health Consequences of Loneliness -Causes and Health Consequences of Feeling Lonely By Kendra Cherry

Loneliness has a wide range of negative effects on both physical and mental health, including:

Depression and suicide

Cardiovascular disease and stroke

Increased stress levels

Decreased memory and learning

Antisocial behaviour

Poor decision-making

Alcoholism and drug abuse

The progression of Alzheimer's disease

Altered brain function

Loneliness can be overcome. It does require a conscious effort on your part to make a change. Making a change, in the long run, can make you happier, healthier, and enable you to impact others around you in a positive way.

Here are some ways Kendra Cherry suggests we can prevent loneliness:

  • Recognise that loneliness is a sign that something needs to change.
  • Understand the effects that loneliness has on your life, both physically and mentally.
  • Consider doing community service or another activity that you enjoy. These situations present great opportunities to meet people and cultivate new friendships and social interactions.
  • Focus on developing quality relationships with people who share similar attitudes, interests, and values with you.
  • Expect the best. Lonely people often expect rejection, so instead focus on positive thoughts and attitudes in your social relationships

Loneliness and social isolation are important health risks in the elderly Uni Crest

Living alone, health problems and disability, sensory impairment such as hearing loss, and major life events such as loss of a spouse have all been identified as risk factors for social isolation and loneliness.

Some Suggestions for Solutions

If you're not sure how to help someone who is lonely, here are some tips on how to support someone who is experiencing feelings of loneliness. (From British Telecom – Press Association)

  1. Show them you’re available

Keep in touch by phone, email or in person so they know someone is there for them when they need support. Don’t give up on them if they don’t call or visit you in return, but if they need time alone, try to respect that.

  1. Offer to take them out

If it’s difficult for them to get out and about, you could volunteer to take them out, for example to a café or to visit a friend. There might even be a local charity who could help if you don’t have much spare time. Just don’t push them into anything, as it might seem daunting to them at first.

  1. Ask how they’re feeling

By talking to them about how they’re feeling, without leading them into any particular issue, you might find out that something else is troubling them. Try not to make assumptions about why they are lonely – there are many reasons why someone might be feeling loneliness.

  1. Enlist expert help

Some people might feel more comfortable talking about their feelings to a stranger or professional. If it seems appropriate, you could suggest they speak to their GP or call a charity helpline.

  1. Be dependable

Missing a visit or phone call may not seem important to you, but could be very disappointing for someone who doesn’t have much contact with others, so try to be reliable.

  1. Help them discover new ways to stay in touch

There are a huge range of different ways to stay in touch these days, from social media to email and text messaging. If they don’t feel comfortable using computers, you could encourage them to join a course to learn how to use computers and the internet, which are run by most local councils.

  1. Help them to try something new

If they have a particular interest, joining a group, such as a rambling club, reading group or dance class, could help them connect with like-minded people. If they show an interest in an activity, you could offer to go with them to the first session if they’re nervous about going alone.

  1. Talk about practical barriers

Barriers such as not having a car, not having enough money or being a full-time carer could be preventing them from connecting with people or getting out and about. Talk to them about what these barriers may be and encourage them to speak to someone.

  1. Ask other people for help

If you’re very busy or live far away, you don’t need to feel like you have to do everything yourself. See if anyone else, such as a friend, neighbour, relative or charity volunteer, can regularly call or visit the person who is lonely.

  1. Host a Sunday lunch

Summary

Let’s leave it at that for this time shall we? We’ve had a bit of a look at the stats, and what loneliness means. Added to that we have had a very quick look at the mental and physical health effects of loneliness, and some ways to mitigate this whole loneliness thing. And finally some solutions.

We’ll pick up on each of these as we move forward. There is so much to say.

One of the thoughts that comes up in my mind is ‘what do lonely people do all day?’

We should have a look at that in a little while.

If any-one has any input, comment let’s hear it. Are you lonely as distinct from being alone?

How much of you day/week/month would you say you are lonely, and what do YOU do when you are in these lonely patches? Talk soon.

Starting a Successful Blog when you have No Clue: Gundi Gabrielle – A Review

Starting a Successful Blog when you have No Clue: Gundi Gabrielle

Successful BlogThis book has been completely rewritten and it shows.

I have pages of notes and my new website (blog) is now close to being finished. The information contained in this book and the free video lessons make it an absolute winner.

It spans the gamut of newbie to seasoned user and is easy to follow.

I love it and you will too.

Double Jeopardy by Aime Austin – A Review

Double Jeopardy by Aime AustinDouble Jeopardy

There’s a new word in the lexicon.
Pantsfeelings.
Cool yeah? I won’t tell you any more. You’ll see when you read it. The book gives a new understanding to Double Jeopardy as well.
I enjoyed this story and the character of Casey Cort is so engaging. I love that she is a girly girl AND a blokey bloke. It is a refreshing vision.
A couple of issues from a previous book in the series were resolved and the ending is something I had not expected.
Great work. I’ll be chasing up more from this author.

Australian Fires 2019-2020

Australian Fires 2019-2020

I was having a conversation, the other day with an American friend who was quite worried about my welfare. (Thanks Mark – much appreciated – I am very grateful for friends like you even all the way around the other side of the world).

He was hoping that we were OK and safe from the fires etc in Australia in January 2020.

It seemed that the media was reporting that Victoria (The Australian State in which I live) had been evacuated.

Evacuation of Victoria

Malacoota FireHmmmmm. This is actually not likely nor possible. It is very hard for us living in vastly different countries to understand the various sizes and other attributes involved.

Let’s have a look.

The Size Situation

Victoria, the smallest mainland state in Australia, is approx 92,000 sq Miles in area. This is just a little bit smaller than the American State of Oregon, and a little bit less than twice the size of New York State. Victoria has one major city, a few smaller cities, approx 10 minor cities, some hundreds of large country towns and settlements, (I live in a town of 4,500 people some 2.5 – 3 hours drive from Melbourne the major city). And there are LOTS of smaller settlements, farms and (hamlets shall we call them?) all over the place.

New York State has a population of just under 20 million people, whereas Victoria has approx 6.4 million. So you can see mass evacuations would really not be likely. We could move people around a bit if really necessary, but evacuations – in general, No.

Current Fire Situation

The current fire situation on my side of this huge country is mainly in the State of NSW and the North East of Victoria (near where I live – about 30% of the small State and mostly in uninhabited mountain or hard to access country) and spreads toward the Eastern Seaboard. But it is still not an issue here apart from a lot of smoke that comes and goes. Not yet. It may become so before the season concludes at the end of February.

Now while this is nothing short of catastrophic in so far as the amount of bush or forest, that has burned, (an estimated 26 million acres; 107,000 square kms; 41,000 sq miles - that’s approx the size of New York State again); it has destroyed over 5,900 buildings (including over 2,204 homes) and killed 28 people as of 8 January 2020, there is more. (Note that with our population density so low – 28 people is a LOT.) And it is ongoing.

Animals

The biggest issue is an estimated 1 billion animals that have been killed and some endangered species may have been driven to extinction.

Perspective

Arguments as to causes and mitigation strategies, political or otherwise, are not my concern here. But hopefully, this puts things into perspective.

Navy

However, not in my 70 or so years down here at the bottom of the globe, have I heard of Navy ships being called in to evacuate a whole town (which was almost completely destroyed by the way) from the beach/sea where the residents had all congregated in an attempt to stay alive.

I guess that was a mass evacuation. Normally 1,063 people live in that town increasing to about 10,000 during the Summer (Christmas) holiday season.

No one there now. They are all at emergency stations in Melbourne.

Facts

Often the media doesn’t take into account all the facts. Sometimes they don’t know all of the facts. Consume with care.

Neither Borrower Nor Lender Be

Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be

Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be. What does this actually mean? Where is it from and how does it relate to our lives at the moment?

Shakespeare

It is a Shakespearean quote:

Polonius in Act-I, Scene-III of the play, Hamlet, counsels his son Laertes before he embarks on his visit to Paris. “Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend.”

It means do not lend or borrow money from a friend, because if you do so, you will lose both your friend and your money. If you lend, he will avoid paying back, and if you borrow you will fall out of your savings, as you turn into a spendthrift, and face humiliation.

Integrity

It mentions friend, but I reckon it is more universal than that.

I believe it touches on honesty and trust by which I mean integrity; elements of our lives of which we need to be more aware.

I have been thinking about this quite a bit lately, and figure that the definitions of these terms might have slipped from our conscious minds.

Let’s reacquaint our selves with them, shall we?

Definitions

Honesty: (Wikipedia) Honesty is a facet of moral character that connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc. Honesty also involves being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere.

Trust: (Wikipedia) Confidence in or dependence on a person or quality. The assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.

Integrity: (Wikipedia) The practice of being honest and showing consistent and uncompromising adherence to strong moral and ethical principles and values. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions.

All of these include the word TRUTH. Or TRUTHFULNESS. Co-incidence? I think not.

Top Value

My top value in life is Integrity.

And it would seem to include the other sentiments of Trust and Honesty as its mainstays.

Let’s have a think about Integrity.

Integrity again

It says, “having strong moral and ethical principles”. Well even that’s difficult, isn’t it? Both can be very subjective. What’s moral to one is completely against the odds for others. For example ‘Jihads’ and ‘An eye for an eye’.

Ethics is much more strongly defined and thus a better gauge, but ‘honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions’. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

Means you do as you say. Can’t be clearer than that.

So I guess a Jihadist who truly believes that what he says he is going to do in the name of his religion, or his God, and follows through; is acting with integrity. Interesting point?

Listen

Comes down to the fact we all must listen and think before we react. Not everyone is like us. I mean each human on this planet is UNIQUE and stands for something. We are all important. We all have our own values – sometimes our issue might be we actually don’t know what these values are, and this makes life a little fraught, but that is for another time. Perhaps we can discuss values again soon if you like.

Think Before We React

Be aware. Be grateful, be less judgemental, and remember that while we cannot control circumstances external to us (and that means other people too, who have different, even extreme views - and are entitled to them), we can control how we react to them. Those who react completely from emotion with no checks (ie is your reaction Logical, True, and Constructive – all 3 MUST be present), are really no better than those they criticise.

Just sayin’. What do you think?

Values – Integrity & Trust

Values – Integrity & Trust

Values

 

Today we talk about values. And the two I am going to discuss are Trust and Integrity.

Wikipedia: Integrity

Integrity is the practice of being honest and showing consistent and uncompromising adherence to strong moral and ethical principles and values. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions.

The word integrity evolved from the Latin adjective integer, meaning whole or complete. In this context, integrity is the inner sense of "wholeness" deriving from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character. As such, one may judge that others "have integrity" to the extent that they act according to the values, beliefs, and principles they claim to hold.

Dictionary: The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.

Wikipedia: Trust

In a social context, a situation characterized by the following aspects: One party (trustor) is willing to rely on the actions of another party (trustee); the situation is directed to the future.

In addition, the trustor (voluntarily or forcedly) abandons control over the actions performed by the trustee. As a consequence, the trustor is uncertain about the outcome of the other's actions; they can only develop and evaluate expectations. The uncertainty involves the risk of failure or harm to the trustor if the trustee will not behave as desired.

Trust is believing that the person who is trusted will do what is expected. It starts at the family and grows to others.

Dictionary: The firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something.

Trust and Integrity Linked

While these two values may appear to be quite separate, I believe them to be inextricably linked. You can’t have one without the other.

I can rely (trust) on you if you are honest (integrity), can’t I?

Family

Note: this trust thing is something that starts at the FAMILY according to the definition above.

I am reminded of a story told to me recently of a young woman (possibly about 12 yrs old at the time ) who, finding that she needed some extra money, borrowed it from a very generous older woman – a ‘friend’ of the family.

The young woman began to pay back the loan as soon as she could, but was stopped by her parents. A learning opportunity squandered. But, more importantly, a lesson that honesty, trust, and integrity were values not to be considered important.

Imagine being taught that, at such a young and vulnerable age? As far as I know, this young woman (now 18 at time of writing) has shaken off the shackles of this upbringing to become an admirable member of society. (That’s me being judgmental, isn’t it?)

Integrity

Integrity is and has been one of the cornerstones of my life. I believe that there is no higher aim than, to be honest in everything, (of course, I am human and make mistakes as often as most – I am not perfect, but I am as authentic as possible) and to strive for the wholeness alluded to in the above Wikipedia definition.

Trust

I think more needs to be said about TRUST, but that is for another time.

Let me know what you think.

Values – Be A Better Person

Cruise Ship Liability

Cruise Ship Liability

Cruise Ship Liability. The recent disaster in New Zealand is close to my heart being that N.Z is my place of birth.

Now, at the outset, I must say I have not researched what I am about to say in any great depth, but have just skimmed a few Google news alerts and a few FB posts.

So this article is probably more in the realm of uninformed comment. But you are going to get it anyway.

The latest comment I noted was that Jacinda Ardern (N.Z, PM) said that the tour ships are liable.

I am not a lawyer and I have no idea of the laws of liability in this area in NZ, but my application of the common sense principle suggests that as a cruise line is, at the very best, a third party in these transactions, it should not have a direct line of attribution to any event on that island which contained the volcano.

Here’s wOvation Of The Seashat I understand.

A cruise line,

in an effort to differentiate itself from other lines offering similar pieces of excitement for its patrons, contracts with another party to provide some excursions off the ship. Something that is a unique selling proposition. (USP)

Live and Active Volcano

Now, this party (the Island Tour Company) then contracts with a passenger to provide a trip to a LIVE and ACTIVE volcano. This is a huge risk as there has been no warning in the past when and if there would be any events occurring with this volcano. But that is what makes it even more exciting and what means the Island Touring Company can charge fees up to $500 NZ for the excursion. And makes it an amount participants are willing to part with for the experience.

Social Media Proof

Of course, they expect to live and be able to share the photographs of them in this unpredictable and dangerous place. Shows what kind of people they are. Danger is what they were willing to pay a premium for. Of course, they didn’t believe it would ever be that dangerous. They probably signed a waiver (which they didn’t believe – their issue), which amongst other things promises that IF anything happens they won’t sue the Island Touring company.

Let’s Look At This.

The touring company told them it COULD be dangerous, deadly kind of dangerous, they signed something, they paid their money. “Yeah. Yeah. What could go wrong?” And they went on the guided tour.

The island blew up

The island blew up. Many of the 40 or so people on the tour at the time were immediately vapourised or massively injured. Several are still missing.

The tour company has, hopefully, Public LiabilityContinue reading

Agentic – Leadership Style

Agentic – Leadership Style

Agenetic. I learned a new word today. Quite a simple word, but seems to have two almost opposite meanings.

Let’s investigate.

Wikipedia: Agentic leadership derives from the term agency. This leadership style is generally found in the business field by a person who is respected by subordinates. This person demonstrates assertiveness, competitiveness, independence, courageousness, and is masterful in achieving their task at hand.

Then there is Milgram’s theory: which is the psychological state the obedient subject is in when he or she is obeying authority.

Milgram

Milgram (1963) was interested in researching how far people would go in obeying an instruction if it involved harming another person. for example, Germans in WWII.

Not the same I would have thought.

As the word was applied to me- I would like to think Wikipedia was more likely to be true.

Etymology

Although if we follow etymology agency, (and that would surely be where the word came from), seems to mean 'acting on behalf of', as in an actor’s, or an author’s agent. This would be an obeying authority kind of thing, wouldn’t it?

Hmmmmm.

Where to from here?

Another extension of one of the definitions suggests: Adjective. Social cognition theory perspective in which people are producers as well as products of social systems.

This a combination of both perhaps? I like this one.

Left Wing – Right Wing

Left-Wing – Right-Wing

Generally, the left-wing is characterized by an emphasis on "ideas such as liberty, equality, fraternity, rights, progress, reform, and internationalism", while the right-wing is characterized by an emphasis on "notions such as authority, hierarchy, order, duty, tradition, reaction and nationalism". Wikipedia

Opposites

What If I Told You

Now it might surprise you but these can be seen as opposite sides of the same coin.

One can assume that there are as many of our world’s people on the left or the right. That would make sense. It is also sensible to assume, I reckon, that the edges of both of these move way out into radical airspace.

Outrage and Offence

That being the case there is the likelihood that outrage and offense can be, and will be taken when these outer reaches are breached in either direction.

Perhaps the left might be a softer option (a judgment call,) and the right more hard-edged (another judgment call) and perhaps the idea of hatred is more likely to arrive out of the right-wing camp? Do you think?

Seems likely to me.

Moderates

If we as (shall we call ourselves ‘moderates’ - those closer to the middle line between these two extremes), are going to avoid confrontation from either side, we would need to draw in the edges, somewhat, to remove the ‘radicalised’ tips of this continuum.

While I am no fan of anything that is too much left or too much right, nor am I an apologist for companies like Facebook, I am mindful that in our world where free speech is revered we must be aware that if we are to leave these edges as wide as possible maintaining a situation where most people are allowed freedom of expression – some WILL and MUST be offended. Goes without saying.

On both sides of the coin.

Skew

It can’t happen otherwise. If we skew our cutoffs because we say, “Oh the left is softer and doesn’t hurt people so much”, then we are making a mockery of free speech. This is free speech adjusted for the left. I don’t believe this is the way we need to go. Of course, the exact opposite is also true. If we restrict the right, the far-left community will be outraged, Albeit more quietly as is their want.

Therefore we have to assume while we live in this partisan, dichotomous, politicised society there will be issues. Some of them may have calamitous effects. We have to understand this and expect it.

FaceBook and Twitter

Social Organisations like Twitter and Facebook, for example, need to maintain the widest possible limits for their customers/members who provide ALL of the content for the platform, to fully cater for free speech, while cutting off at the edges, the most extreme violations of the human condition.

As it is, many more of the notions at the far boundaries of the right side may tend to spill over into offensive territory, than the ideas of the left.

My prejudices

Of course, that may just be my own prejudices showing. I guess I am way more left than right in my tendencies. No apologies for that. I have always been more open and ideas orientated than absolutes and authority driven.

Doing Its Best

I am sure FB is doing its best. As a money-making concern, it does not want to alienate ANY of its patrons in spite of thoughts and comments to the contrary. But it also has to take into account what is considered by law in all countries where it exists, as ‘common decency’ and adjust its policies to suit. However skewed that might seem to those affected.

What do you think?

Situational Awareness

Situational Awareness

Situational Awareness

Situational Awareness is a term I have recently become aware of thanks to a FB conversation with a somewhat right-winged Texan.

Judgment

Now judgment is something I work hard to avoid as I believe that unless you have lived another person’s life, walked in their shoes if you will, then you don’t really know them and had you experienced their life you may talk and act exactly as they do.

BUT. We are NOT our past and if we find that it (our past, our upbringing  - when we are finally grown adults) no longer serves us, then we, I believe, ought to look for ways to change things.

Be Prepared

Makes me wonder, though, what kind of upbringing leads a person to think that they need to be prepared for whatever, so that they think that a 7-year-old child needs to be brought up understanding guns, and how to shoot them.

A child. Almost still a baby. I am reminded the, my grandson is 6 and that means that in a tad less than a year if this is the norm, he should be taught the ways of killing things. Oh dear. Not on my watch.

Killing

However you cut it, guns are designed to kill another living creature, make no mistake with this. Animal or human. There is NO OTHER REASON FOR THEIR EXISTENCE. Now I know the argument that guns don't kill, people do, but I have never seen or heard of a person without a gun shooting/killing someone. Have you? So possession of a gun is the key. No gun - no shooting. Simple.

Situational Awareness

But back to our subject. Situational Awareness. What is it? What does it mean for me another like me? What does it mean for my conversation partner in Texas?

I looked at his profile, and apart from the fact that almost all of the videos he submitted to FB were deleted, his beliefs were way too far right-winged for me.

Polarisation

I wonder, again, why it seems that Americans – and it’s often Americans - are so often polarised politically. It seems to me that to blindly believe and follow a political pathway is not really the way to go. Surely some of the policies or ways of thinking/acting are against a person’s values. Or are these values decided by the political landscape without any input from the brain of the devotee? I don’t know. But it doesn’t make sense to me.

Situational Awareness 2

Situational Awareness – yes I said I’d get back to this.

Wikipedia tells me: "It is the perception of environmental elements and events with respect to time or space, the comprehension of their meaning, and the projection of their future status”.

That is way too much for me. Let’s try a different approach.

Situational awareness can be defined simply as “knowing what is going on around us”.

That makes more sense.

Feeling Safe

My FB conversationalist tells me I don’t have this because I don’t believe in guns per se, and certainly not in the hands of children.

Let’s look at this. I am 70 years old and I live quietly in a country town in Australia where I interact with the community a lot in, I believe, a meaningful way.

I travel to the nearest big city to be with my family periodically, and I feel safe. All the time.

I don’t go or do anything where I believe my safety would be compromised. Why would I?

I have no fear of my Government killing me, or being attacked by a religious Zealot or any other terrorist. It may happen, but I do not fear it. I take all precautions to not be a victim wherever I can. I do not fear gun-crazed, mentally unhinged individuals shooting me in my home, a local shopping mall, or anywhere for that matter.

Or any other fear-based on my environment.

Phenomena Beyond My Control

I am aware that there are many natural (or even man-made) phenomena that may or may not impinge on me, but I also realise the I have no control over these events, so they don’t need to concern me very much. I take note of bush fire warnings (I volunteer at the local emergency broadcaster so I am intimately aware of the possibilities here) but I don’t worry. Why would I, I ask again?

I am not living, as my FB acquaintance says, with my head in the sand because I don’t fear the same things he does. I don’t even know what ‘head in the sand’ really means in terms of a normal life.

Paranoia

How sad to live in a state of constant paranoia. A state so strong that a person feels the need to be protected by a kid with a gun. A state where the ONLY defence to a gun is another gun. Is there no other way? Surely intervention at the other end of the cycle might be a better option?

Fear Mongering

Judging, Judgment of Others

What’s it all about? We are in Control of our lives!

Cruise Like A Pro

Cruise Like A Pro – A Complete Guide To Carefree Cruising by Robin Gail

Cruise Like A Pro

A lovely little book. I have been on 5 cruises and still found some stuff I didn’t know.

This is a must purchase (softcover) to slip into your pocket or purse when you are actually on your cruise of a lifetime. It will save arguments and ensure you have the best time ever, avoiding most of the traps. So full of positive Tips’nTricks as well. All in a short readable and interesting book.

A bit like the old almanacs sailors used to carry to keep them aware of what was going on, you will use this many times on your cruise.

The 60 Min Startup

The 60 Minute Startup: A Proven System to Start Your Business in 1 Hour a Day and Get Your First Paying Customers in 30 Days (or Less) by Ramesh Dontha 

60 Min StartupHave you ever had a book jump off the desk, put on it's running shoes, grab you by the arm and drag you along into its world? This one does that and at a frenetic pace too.

I worked with the agile methodology when I was still in that corporate world, and there were some things I didn't understand until I read this book. It is amazing.

I also love the way he started each chapter with an actual case study a name and what this person did or didn't do that illustrates the point of the following chapter. I couldn't wait to turn the page to see what the story was going to be this time.

If this does not change the way you view your life and your work, then I'm not sure where that leaves you. This is an exciting book.