Loneliness Is … In The Beginning

Loneliness Is … In The Beginning

Colin Learns To Play

loneliness Is ...Colin Rochford loves jumping in at the deep end. (metaphorically speaking – since he’s afraid to have his head underwater). He lives by the mantra, “It’s better to say you’re sorry than ask for permission”.

How’s that worked for him, you ask? OK. Most of the time.

When Colin moved from the big smoke to a small regional town in country Victoria, Australia he joined every group/activity he could. Went to the opening of the proverbial envelope.

He then decided the muse needed to make herself known.

Having already written a chapter in the book Nkwocha, Kizzi. (2015), Success Unlimited. Sussex, UK: Mithra Publishing; called “Beliefs, Rules, Values & Language – Their Role In Your Success”, he thought to himself, “Why not write a whole book all by myself?”

The result is “Braving Change”.

Colin lives in a small one-bedroom unit in Mansfield – no dogs, no cats; dreaming of travelling all over the world on a yacht.

Colin Rochford is a life coach, author, trainer, self-help speaker, world traveller, and entrepreneur.

His blog can be read at http://colinlearnstoplay.com. He can be followed at Twitter.com/ColinTRochford.

Now retired, he believes that nothing changes if nothing changes, and success requires positive thinking combined with massive action.

Australian Fires 2019-2020

Australian Fires 2019-2020

I was having a conversation, the other day with an American friend who was quite worried about my welfare. (Thanks Mark – much appreciated – I am very grateful for friends like you even all the way around the other side of the world).

He was hoping that we were OK and safe from the fires etc in Australia in January 2020.

It seemed that the media was reporting that Victoria (The Australian State in which I live) had been evacuated.

Evacuation of Victoria

Malacoota FireHmmmmm. This is actually not likely nor possible. It is very hard for us living in vastly different countries to understand the various sizes and other attributes involved.

Let’s have a look.

The Size Situation

Victoria, the smallest mainland state in Australia, is approx 92,000 sq Miles in area. This is just a little bit smaller than the American State of Oregon, and a little bit less than twice the size of New York State. Victoria has one major city, a few smaller cities, approx 10 minor cities, some hundreds of large country towns and settlements, (I live in a town of 4,500 people some 2.5 – 3 hours drive from Melbourne the major city). And there are LOTS of smaller settlements, farms and (hamlets shall we call them?) all over the place.

New York State has a population of just under 20 million people, whereas Victoria has approx 6.4 million. So you can see mass evacuations would really not be likely. We could move people around a bit if really necessary, but evacuations – in general, No.

Current Fire Situation

The current fire situation on my side of this huge country is mainly in the State of NSW and the North East of Victoria (near where I live – about 30% of the small State and mostly in uninhabited mountain or hard to access country) and spreads toward the Eastern Seaboard. But it is still not an issue here apart from a lot of smoke that comes and goes. Not yet. It may become so before the season concludes at the end of February.

Now while this is nothing short of catastrophic in so far as the amount of bush or forest, that has burned, (an estimated 26 million acres; 107,000 square kms; 41,000 sq miles - that’s approx the size of New York State again); it has destroyed over 5,900 buildings (including over 2,204 homes) and killed 28 people as of 8 January 2020, there is more. (Note that with our population density so low – 28 people is a LOT.) And it is ongoing.

Animals

The biggest issue is an estimated 1 billion animals that have been killed and some endangered species may have been driven to extinction.

Perspective

Arguments as to causes and mitigation strategies, political or otherwise, are not my concern here. But hopefully, this puts things into perspective.

Navy

However, not in my 70 or so years down here at the bottom of the globe, have I heard of Navy ships being called in to evacuate a whole town (which was almost completely destroyed by the way) from the beach/sea where the residents had all congregated in an attempt to stay alive.

I guess that was a mass evacuation. Normally 1,063 people live in that town increasing to about 10,000 during the Summer (Christmas) holiday season.

No one there now. They are all at emergency stations in Melbourne.

Facts

Often the media doesn’t take into account all the facts. Sometimes they don’t know all of the facts. Consume with care.

Neither Borrower Nor Lender Be

Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be

Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be. What does this actually mean? Where is it from and how does it relate to our lives at the moment?

Shakespeare

It is a Shakespearean quote:

Polonius in Act-I, Scene-III of the play, Hamlet, counsels his son Laertes before he embarks on his visit to Paris. “Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend.”

It means do not lend or borrow money from a friend, because if you do so, you will lose both your friend and your money. If you lend, he will avoid paying back, and if you borrow you will fall out of your savings, as you turn into a spendthrift, and face humiliation.

Integrity

It mentions friend, but I reckon it is more universal than that.

I believe it touches on honesty and trust by which I mean integrity; elements of our lives of which we need to be more aware.

I have been thinking about this quite a bit lately, and figure that the definitions of these terms might have slipped from our conscious minds.

Let’s reacquaint our selves with them, shall we?

Definitions

Honesty: (Wikipedia) Honesty is a facet of moral character that connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc. Honesty also involves being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere.

Trust: (Wikipedia) Confidence in or dependence on a person or quality. The assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.

Integrity: (Wikipedia) The practice of being honest and showing consistent and uncompromising adherence to strong moral and ethical principles and values. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions.

All of these include the word TRUTH. Or TRUTHFULNESS. Co-incidence? I think not.

Top Value

My top value in life is Integrity.

And it would seem to include the other sentiments of Trust and Honesty as its mainstays.

Let’s have a think about Integrity.

Integrity again

It says, “having strong moral and ethical principles”. Well even that’s difficult, isn’t it? Both can be very subjective. What’s moral to one is completely against the odds for others. For example ‘Jihads’ and ‘An eye for an eye’.

Ethics is much more strongly defined and thus a better gauge, but ‘honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions’. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

Means you do as you say. Can’t be clearer than that.

So I guess a Jihadist who truly believes that what he says he is going to do in the name of his religion, or his God, and follows through; is acting with integrity. Interesting point?

Listen

Comes down to the fact we all must listen and think before we react. Not everyone is like us. I mean each human on this planet is UNIQUE and stands for something. We are all important. We all have our own values – sometimes our issue might be we actually don’t know what these values are, and this makes life a little fraught, but that is for another time. Perhaps we can discuss values again soon if you like.

Think Before We React

Be aware. Be grateful, be less judgemental, and remember that while we cannot control circumstances external to us (and that means other people too, who have different, even extreme views - and are entitled to them), we can control how we react to them. Those who react completely from emotion with no checks (ie is your reaction Logical, True, and Constructive – all 3 MUST be present), are really no better than those they criticise.

Just sayin’. What do you think?

Values – Integrity & Trust

Values – Integrity & Trust

Values

 

Today we talk about values. And the two I am going to discuss are Trust and Integrity.

Wikipedia: Integrity

Integrity is the practice of being honest and showing consistent and uncompromising adherence to strong moral and ethical principles and values. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions.

The word integrity evolved from the Latin adjective integer, meaning whole or complete. In this context, integrity is the inner sense of "wholeness" deriving from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character. As such, one may judge that others "have integrity" to the extent that they act according to the values, beliefs, and principles they claim to hold.

Dictionary: The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.

Wikipedia: Trust

In a social context, a situation characterized by the following aspects: One party (trustor) is willing to rely on the actions of another party (trustee); the situation is directed to the future.

In addition, the trustor (voluntarily or forcedly) abandons control over the actions performed by the trustee. As a consequence, the trustor is uncertain about the outcome of the other's actions; they can only develop and evaluate expectations. The uncertainty involves the risk of failure or harm to the trustor if the trustee will not behave as desired.

Trust is believing that the person who is trusted will do what is expected. It starts at the family and grows to others.

Dictionary: The firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something.

Trust and Integrity Linked

While these two values may appear to be quite separate, I believe them to be inextricably linked. You can’t have one without the other.

I can rely (trust) on you if you are honest (integrity), can’t I?

Family

Note: this trust thing is something that starts at the FAMILY according to the definition above.

I am reminded of a story told to me recently of a young woman (possibly about 12 yrs old at the time ) who, finding that she needed some extra money, borrowed it from a very generous older woman – a ‘friend’ of the family.

The young woman began to pay back the loan as soon as she could, but was stopped by her parents. A learning opportunity squandered. But, more importantly, a lesson that honesty, trust, and integrity were values not to be considered important.

Imagine being taught that, at such a young and vulnerable age? As far as I know, this young woman (now 18 at time of writing) has shaken off the shackles of this upbringing to become an admirable member of society. (That’s me being judgmental, isn’t it?)

Integrity

Integrity is and has been one of the cornerstones of my life. I believe that there is no higher aim than, to be honest in everything, (of course, I am human and make mistakes as often as most – I am not perfect, but I am as authentic as possible) and to strive for the wholeness alluded to in the above Wikipedia definition.

Trust

I think more needs to be said about TRUST, but that is for another time.

Let me know what you think.

Values – Be A Better Person

Agentic – Leadership Style

Agentic – Leadership Style

Agenetic. I learned a new word today. Quite a simple word, but seems to have two almost opposite meanings.

Let’s investigate.

Wikipedia: Agentic leadership derives from the term agency. This leadership style is generally found in the business field by a person who is respected by subordinates. This person demonstrates assertiveness, competitiveness, independence, courageousness, and is masterful in achieving their task at hand.

Then there is Milgram’s theory: which is the psychological state the obedient subject is in when he or she is obeying authority.

Milgram

Milgram (1963) was interested in researching how far people would go in obeying an instruction if it involved harming another person. for example, Germans in WWII.

Not the same I would have thought.

As the word was applied to me- I would like to think Wikipedia was more likely to be true.

Etymology

Although if we follow etymology agency, (and that would surely be where the word came from), seems to mean 'acting on behalf of', as in an actor’s, or an author’s agent. This would be an obeying authority kind of thing, wouldn’t it?

Hmmmmm.

Where to from here?

Another extension of one of the definitions suggests: Adjective. Social cognition theory perspective in which people are producers as well as products of social systems.

This a combination of both perhaps? I like this one.

Situational Awareness

Situational Awareness

Situational Awareness

Situational Awareness is a term I have recently become aware of thanks to a FB conversation with a somewhat right-winged Texan.

Judgment

Now judgment is something I work hard to avoid as I believe that unless you have lived another person’s life, walked in their shoes if you will, then you don’t really know them and had you experienced their life you may talk and act exactly as they do.

BUT. We are NOT our past and if we find that it (our past, our upbringing  - when we are finally grown adults) no longer serves us, then we, I believe, ought to look for ways to change things.

Be Prepared

Makes me wonder, though, what kind of upbringing leads a person to think that they need to be prepared for whatever, so that they think that a 7-year-old child needs to be brought up understanding guns, and how to shoot them.

A child. Almost still a baby. I am reminded the, my grandson is 6 and that means that in a tad less than a year if this is the norm, he should be taught the ways of killing things. Oh dear. Not on my watch.

Killing

However you cut it, guns are designed to kill another living creature, make no mistake with this. Animal or human. There is NO OTHER REASON FOR THEIR EXISTENCE. Now I know the argument that guns don't kill, people do, but I have never seen or heard of a person without a gun shooting/killing someone. Have you? So possession of a gun is the key. No gun - no shooting. Simple.

Situational Awareness

But back to our subject. Situational Awareness. What is it? What does it mean for me another like me? What does it mean for my conversation partner in Texas?

I looked at his profile, and apart from the fact that almost all of the videos he submitted to FB were deleted, his beliefs were way too far right-winged for me.

Polarisation

I wonder, again, why it seems that Americans – and it’s often Americans - are so often polarised politically. It seems to me that to blindly believe and follow a political pathway is not really the way to go. Surely some of the policies or ways of thinking/acting are against a person’s values. Or are these values decided by the political landscape without any input from the brain of the devotee? I don’t know. But it doesn’t make sense to me.

Situational Awareness 2

Situational Awareness – yes I said I’d get back to this.

Wikipedia tells me: "It is the perception of environmental elements and events with respect to time or space, the comprehension of their meaning, and the projection of their future status”.

That is way too much for me. Let’s try a different approach.

Situational awareness can be defined simply as “knowing what is going on around us”.

That makes more sense.

Feeling Safe

My FB conversationalist tells me I don’t have this because I don’t believe in guns per se, and certainly not in the hands of children.

Let’s look at this. I am 70 years old and I live quietly in a country town in Australia where I interact with the community a lot in, I believe, a meaningful way.

I travel to the nearest big city to be with my family periodically, and I feel safe. All the time.

I don’t go or do anything where I believe my safety would be compromised. Why would I?

I have no fear of my Government killing me, or being attacked by a religious Zealot or any other terrorist. It may happen, but I do not fear it. I take all precautions to not be a victim wherever I can. I do not fear gun-crazed, mentally unhinged individuals shooting me in my home, a local shopping mall, or anywhere for that matter.

Or any other fear-based on my environment.

Phenomena Beyond My Control

I am aware that there are many natural (or even man-made) phenomena that may or may not impinge on me, but I also realise the I have no control over these events, so they don’t need to concern me very much. I take note of bush fire warnings (I volunteer at the local emergency broadcaster so I am intimately aware of the possibilities here) but I don’t worry. Why would I, I ask again?

I am not living, as my FB acquaintance says, with my head in the sand because I don’t fear the same things he does. I don’t even know what ‘head in the sand’ really means in terms of a normal life.

Paranoia

How sad to live in a state of constant paranoia. A state so strong that a person feels the need to be protected by a kid with a gun. A state where the ONLY defence to a gun is another gun. Is there no other way? Surely intervention at the other end of the cycle might be a better option?

Fear Mongering

Judging, Judgment of Others

What’s it all about? We are in Control of our lives!

Petrol Prices – Ripped Off

Petrol Prices – Ripped Off

Recently I have been noticing a bit of activity on Social Media where people are commenting that they feel ripped-off by gas/petrol prices in particular, but in reality, they are thinking, I believe, on a larger scale. Gas/petrol is just one of the most visible. Let’s declare that we are talking small business in this article. I won’t define small business at this point, as that is a whole different story.

Rip-off

Definitions

What does rip-off mean? In the Urban dictionary it is defined as:

  1. Stealing ideas and/or products to create something of lesser value.
  2. To take credit for something that is not their own.
  3. To slightly alter an existing idea and product for personal benefit.
  4. Disregard the origin of the true creation in attempt to make a quick buck and turn a few heads.

None of which relate to actual pricing of a product or service such as gas/petrol unless the product is being misrepresented. That would be item #1. ie offering a lower octane fuel for the higher octane price. Classic case.

Then there is the Collins Dictionary:

  1. If someone rips you off, they cheat you by charging you too much money for something or by selling you something that is broken or damaged.
    • The Consumer Federation claims banks are ripping you off by not passing along savings on interest rates. (Maybe? All banks have shareholders they must pay. Some of these investors might be you?)
    • The airlines have been accused of ripping off customers. (Hmmmm)

This comes much closer to what people have been saying. But we need to be careful here. Value judgements and subjective thinking can trip us up.

What is too much money? More than you WANT to pay? More than you paid last week? More than Bill bought the same thing for on-line? More than the business owner deserves? How do we decide?

Wage/Salary

When you and me go to work for a boss, we do so, in general to receive a wage or a salary. There is some kind of ‘quid-pro-quo’ here. We provide something the company wants and they pay us for our time. All good.

And we, more or less, happily massage our living expenses to match as closely as possible the weekly/fortnight/monthly money, wages, salary. What happens within the company has very little effect, most of the time, on the workers/employees. They get their money (the same amount) regularly. Usually no matter what. There are retrenchments/layoffs and unfortunate things like that, but they are still exceptions to the rule. You go to work, put in your time, get paid, end of story.

Business

Doesn’t work that way for a business. Those of us who have ever owned a business know this only too well.

Every business (even the big corporations many of us work for) must SELL something to make any money. Every day. And when you are the owner, the actual machinations, the regular daily sales of your product or service matter to you. They matter a lot.

You are in a business, whatever it is, to make this salary employees take for granted. If sales go down one month so does the money in your bank account. You get less or sometimes no pay that month. Bills and costs of running a business very rarely drop. They usually go up. And they are continuous, they don’t stop because sales do. And then there’s stuff like school fees to consider as an example. So we walk a very tight rope in our businesses.

Not In Business For You - The Customer

It may come as a shock to many of you, but a business owner (say the boss of a gas/petrol station) is not in business for you. He is in business for his family. The PRODUCT he sells is FOR you, but that is all.

He/she decides what monthly personal income is needed over and above all expenses (and very often a contingency for lower sales some times of the year). Just like decisions you make when sometimes you decide a job is not for you as the salary is not enough to fund the lifestyle you desire. Same in a business. As well most businesses have a cost structure that includes up-front money. Remember if the business fails, the proprietor loses this up-front money, but the loan (usually this up-front cost is funded by a bank) does not go away just because the business does. So now our business owner has no income but continued personal as well as business expenses. He/she must set up contingencies to cover this possibility.

Contingencies

Speaking of contingencies – many businesses price their goods/service based on a yearly average. Some – the most lucrative - can afford to fluctuate prices to the customer down in good times, up in the not so good, many cannot.

If all else was equal gas/petrol stations could change prices based on the cost of the last delivery of fuel. And this is NEVER the same in any two consecutive deliveries. I spent many years in the fuel industry, and this is a known fact.

But if they have decided to run as close as possible to the bone, this cheaper fuel load sold at the higher cost, is a minor bonus like a salary earner Christmas bonus for example. It may fund an otherwise unlikely holiday, or it may just be set aside as a buffer for the rainy day when sales hit rock bottom for no foreseeable reason.

Charges

Businesses charge what they want? True as far as it goes. But it would be silly to watch your bottom line disappear in the red because you went all altruistic and figured your customers deserved a better deal. “I can’t charge my customer’s that – it’s a rip-off. I’ll just charge this price instead. Of course I may not be able to save up enough for my tax bill, but let’s worry about that another day”.

How does that help anyone?

On the other side of the coin, it would be beyond stupid to charge a price much greater than the opposition for the same product/service, or to charge a price so high that your customer base evaporates.

Must Charge

It is a see-saw (teeter-totter). In fact business can’t really charge what they want for a product/service. They MUST charge what their bottom line requires. And yes, some of this will be discretionary income. Personal funds. To spend as they see fit on - what you may JUDGE as - frivolous things, Perhaps like boats, holidays, houses, restaurants, clothes etc. Most salary earners consider this a right. A direct consequence of putting in 40-50 hours at the coal-face each week.

By the way, most business owners I know would kill to spend only 40-50 hours per week at work. So would their families. It is not possible in almost every small business. A story for another time.

Of course, if the business is huge different scales of economics apply and much of the argument in this article is not accurate.

Summary

To summarise, business owners are in business for THEM. Not for YOU. They charge what they want within reason to fund the lifestyle many wage and salary earners take for granted. It is not for you to judge.

You can CHOOSE to pay the prices asked for many varied reasons, or not. Your CHOICE. You cannot bleat until you can compare the lifestyle you have with that of a business owner. Remember ALL businesses are set-up to provide the owner with an income. Disposable income and costs of doing business income. Unless it is a hobby or a side hustle; but if it is the main wage/salary of a family many things are set in concrete before they even begin.

If a lower price would actually increase the businesses’ bottom line then it is silly to overcharge. If not it is reality.

Take it or leave it. In almost every case there are other choices you can make that better suit your budget or your convenience.

Make them. Don’t play the victim card.

Quick to Blame

What’s it all about? We are in Control of our lives!

Braving Change

For those who enjoy Who Moved My Cheese - November 16, 2019

Braving Change

Change is unavoidable and it seems to get harder to deal with the more I fight it.

Braving Change has let me look at change through different eyes. My resistance has been worn down through the author's words of wisdom.

For people who enjoy Who Moved My Cheese, this book keeps you on track to embracing change and all that it offers.

Amanda

How to Stop Overthinking Charles P Carlton

How to Stop Overthinking - 8 Proven, Practical Techniques to End Anxiety, Stop Negative Thinking, Overcome Worrying and Live a Healthier, Happier Life – Charles P Carlton

Powerful CoverStop Overthinking

Wow. This book started with an extremely POWERFUL cover design. Loved it.

Much of what was covered, I thought I knew, but as I continued I realised that’s my problem. If you think you know stuff you never learn anything. When you talk you say things you know, but when you listen, that’s when the magic happens.

Magic

Thanks, Charles. You magician you.

I began to read this book with my ears wide open and the gems just kept on coming.

Mindfulness

The chapter on mindfulness made it worth the purchase of the whole book. It was masterful. The style of writing was informative firstly, but more importantly, it was contemplative, calming, meditative and relaxing. I loved the info but also the very feel of it. It was well done.

Powerful cover, great message, inspired writing style? I’d say it had it all.

Depression, Anxiety & Compassion

How To Overcome The Fear Of Change

Eat That Frog Brian Tracy

Eat That Frog – Brian Tracy

A short book in the procrastination genre. Not to be missed.

One thing I notice as I read the many self-help books available out there is the fact that they are all as special as the people reading them.

Resonate

Some resonate immediately and qualify for the “Changed My Life” comment. Some you need to read again and again.

And some hit a note that you are absolutely sure you have heard/read before, but never seemed to quite hook onto.

Hook

This book was the hook for me. So simple, straightforward and beautifully crafted. Hardly a wasted word. He does repeat “Eat That Frog” a few times, but that was necessary. Well, it was for me.

You just need to keep right on reading each new book until one smacks you in the forehead as this one did for me.

OMG. Yeah. Now I get it. Why did I put it off for so long?

CANI

Then keep right on reading – because why would you want to stop learning? Continuous and Never-ending Improvement.

Thanks, Eat That FrogBrian. I get it now.

 

 

 

 

You are the Writer

You are the Writer

Something happened to me today that I have to tell you about.

Writer

WriterAfter my yoga class, a woman came up to me and said these words, “You are the writer? I’ve heard about you from a mutual acquaintance.”

I gulped and after a tiny but probably noticeably awkward pause, I said, “Yep. That’s right. I am.”

Pause

Why the pause? Why the awkwardness? I mean yes I have a chapter published for all to see in a book edited by a chap in England. (You can buy it at all good bookstores everywhere, and online – Amazon). In 3 days from this conversation, I will have published a book, ‘Braving Change’, written all by myself. At the time of writing, I am juggling a few final late edits (it just never stops – the ‘how long is a piece of string?’ syndrome). As you read this I believe that this book will be available for all to purchase.

But enough sales talk. The point of this is - we all (and I reckon ALL is not too strong a word), seem to put ourselves down in this way at least once or twice in our lives. Probably MUCH more often. Why?

Put Down

OK. It is not a positive ‘put-down’ like “I suck,” for example, but denying something or being awkward about admitting it is just as bad? Isn’t it?

Go back over the last 24 hours or 3 days or a couple of weeks and see if you can find a time when you did this. It could be to your children, your significant other, your boss, your mates, anyone. Think about it. Think hard.

Deny

We deny ourselves. All the time. If we fail to accept a compliment or fail to acknowledge something like being a writer for example, or a guitarist, an artist, sculptor, writer or many many other appellations others might give us, or we make an awkward pause before we accept, then we are DENYING ourselves.

Who taught us this was a good idea? Is this rather silly denying action serving us now? In our busy and confusing lives to be something or to be good at something to the point where another notices it and points it out to you is FANTASTIC.

Love Yourself

Don’t go ape over it, but don’t disavow it either. Be cool. Let it happen. Let it flow over you. Bask in its significance. Love it. Love yourself.

I teach positive thinking, change, life coaching stuff and I could not believe that I did this today. To myself. Why? This is such a crock.

Talents

All of us have talents, all of us can do things, the labels that society gives us for the good things we do or what we are, must be accepted, not diminished or worse still pushed away. And an awkward pause IS a pushing away.

Be proud. Stand tall. Admit that yes we are a writer. We are a great mother/father. We can play guitar well even though we are not yet in a band.

Accept

It’s not self-aggrandisement. It is not arrogance, (unless you crow like a rooster). It is humble acceptance of your own very special attributes.

Love Yourself

Love your self, and others will too.

Published Author

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Religion is The Opiate of the Masses

Religion is the Opiate of the Masses

Karl Marx

“Religion is the opium of the people”, wrote Karl Marx in 1843, often paraphrased as the ‘opiate of the masses’ as above.

I was reminded of this today while discussing life and other things with a friend whom I was visiting in the hospital.

Catholic

Not sure how the topic came up, but he was waxing lyrical about how religion was simply a means of controlling a population. This from a 78-year-old Irish Catholic.

I said that as far as I knew all religions had been created by humans and NOT a God of any variant.

A Drug of Addiction

Don’t we have here a drug, as can be construed by Mr. Marx’s comments, that we, as the people or the masses, are being hooked on by the pushers of this religious nonsense? I think so.

Suffering Does Not Last

We went on to discuss how in his early years in Ireland he was constantly disappointed, (NO read disgusted) by The Church’s exhortation that suffering was only temporary (an earthly thing since time in Heaven didn’t exist), and poor people, in particular, should remember that they will be rewarded in the afterlife. This, of course, kept them from trying to better themselves, because, why would they? This was temporary, the afterlife was forever – unending.

As the aforementioned poorer class of people was probably not very well educated, this belief was perpetuated; and the weekly gatherings that were forced upon the members of these groups by threats of missing out on the afterlife as well, if they didn’t attend, continued the travesty.

This was far from the beginning, though. These unsavoury tactics had been going on for millennia.

Religious Leaders

From the earliest of times, humans have created groups of men who have been designated as having greater significance in the scheme of things (the so-called religious leaders). Let’s look at this.

Religion - Defined

Religion is often defined as “, especially when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs”. Man-made. Yes?

Wikipedia says:

Historical Perspective

“There are an estimated 10,000 distinct religions worldwide, but about 84% of the world's population is affiliated with one of the five largest religion groups, namely Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism or forms of folk religion”.

Judaism is the oldest of the three monotheistic Abrahamic faiths, the other two being Christianity and Islam. But the oldest form of religion would probably be Zoroastrian, sometimes called the official religion of ancient Persia.

Zoroastrian

Is one of the world's oldest surviving religions, with teachings older than Buddhism, or Judaism, and far older than Christianity or even Islam. Zoroastrianism is thought to have arisen “in the late second millennium B.C.E amidst semi-nomadic pastoralists in the Central Asian Steppelands,” according to Dr. Jenny Rose, a scholar of the religion. Its name comes from Zarathushtra, to whom the earliest texts of the religion (the Gathas, or “songs” of praise to Ahura Mazda) are ascribed. He was known to the Greeks as Zoroaster, hence the name we know today.

Do As We Say

Now have a read of this, “In Zoroastrian thought, good and evil are strictly divided. The deity Ahura Mazda (the “wise lord”) establishes everything good, whereas Angra Mainyu (the “destructive spirit”) is the source of everything evil, bringing chaos to the orderly world. The chaos and confusion of evil are spoken of as “the lie,” in contrast to the order, right, and truth of Ahura Mazda.

I mean isn’t this – the oldest known religion, just a system of man-made control? Do as I (we) say and all will be well. Or else chaos.

Comments, Please

Hmmmmm, So this bollocks is not new. Not at all.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments.

Loneliness

Loneliness in a small town

Loneliness in A Small Town

Loneliness defined: sadness because one has no friends or company.

Synonyms: isolation, friendlessness, lack of friends/companions, forsakenness, abandonment, rejection.

The other day I read an interview with a woman who was explaining how hard it had been for her to assimilate into life here in regional Victoria, Australia in our town of Mansfield.

Some quotes

“She started a little way out of town and didn’t drive. That was a problem right there. Her husband was in town most days and she was alone for eight hours a day with limited TV and internet, zero garden to speak of, and she read a lot of books and hung out with the poor old cat.”

After moving to town, and unpacking she says, “The stress of the previous months, saying goodbye to our treasured 20-year-old cat who had kept me company, and facing a close-knit, small-town completely overwhelmed me. I felt lonely. Isolated.

Meanwhile, My husband had become involved with the golf club, was heavily involved with the SES and had made about a quizzillion new friends”.

Contribution

She went on to say, “Over the next two years, everything deteriorated. I was lonely, but I didn’t want to join a group or association for the wrong reasons. I only wanted to get involved if I could actually contribute, and wasn’t feeling there was much I could contribute. I was invited to events with my husband’s friends, but didn’t want to go – getting made-up to go out and being sociable seemed too big of a climb. Instead, I’d stay home with a bottle of wine. I had no problem cracking open the wine at 11:00 am. I’d always been a bit of a party girl and remained so long after the days of long work lunches and a couple of nights a week at the pub.”

“Deep down I knew I wasn’t right. I’ve never been a patient person, but I became extremely intolerant. If something frustrated me, I’d pick up whatever was handy and hurl it across the room, right down to a nine-kilo bag of kitty litter once or twice! My poor long-suffering husband”

Professional Help

To cut a long story short she sought professional help and began the long climb out of the alcoholic tunnel and into a new life.

She learned the following: “Things that are my fault, I can change. Things that are not my fault or impossible to change, there’s absolutely no point dwelling on and I have to put them aside. Then I get to work on fixing the things I can.

I tackle my loneliness. Instead of saying no to events with her husband or a night at the pub, I go along. I still don’t have any close friends here, but I’m getting better at meeting people”.

Responsibility / Mindset

It’s all about taking responsibility and changing your mindset.

I noticed her comment early on that she didn’t want to join groups for the wrong reasons. Really? What could be the wrong reason? Oh. OK. She went on and said she didn’t think she had anything to contribute. Mindset again.

We all have something to contribute. New ideas and help are always in demand in community groups.

Couldn't be Bothered

And couldn’t be bothered going out? I’m sorry – but I can’t accept a person saying they are lonely and yet giving up chances to be part of a social occasion. Especially when they are to be accompanied by another trusted person. It is virtually risk-free.

When asked about what she missed in the city she had left behind she cited a bagel shop, and a fish and chip shop. We do have those here but apparently not up to her standard. Again mindset.

I bet she had to VISIT a number of places to find the ones she liked in the city, but expected, it seems, new wondrous delights to just jump out and bite her on the bum.

Big City Illusion

Because of the large number of people, events, shops, bars etc in a big city everything seems so much easier. It is an illusion. YOU must still go out and partake of these things. With an open mind. If not, you will be lonely there too. In fact, research often shows that loneliness is a greater problem in cities – perhaps due to overwhelm.

Be A Joiner

To make your life come alive in a small town, you need to be a joiner. Get out and about. Join any group that will have you. Volunteer to help wherever possible. Councils have whole volunteer departments – meals on wheels and many other opportunities.

Go to pubs and coffee shops, listen to music. Be seen. Soon people will speak to you because you are there. Loneliness is sadness because you have no friends or company. So says the definition with which we started this article. You can’t find friends or company sitting at home behind closed doors.

Learning to drive is a necessity in a country town and a whole lot less stressful and much safer than in a big city. Bite the bullet. Don’t sit on your hands and do nothing and expect anything to change.

Go Out with a book

I began here in town, alone, sitting in a beer garden nursing a single glass of wine, reading a book and soon I found people to talk to.

I started doing things I liked and making them available to people in town. I did things outside my comfort zone. And I have many friends now. Have been invited to birthday parties and other social occasions. I can’t go into the supermarket without being recognised and often stopped to be engaged in a short conversation. It is very nice.

Is this because I’m special? Of course not. It is because I have been SEEN and I have been going stuff in town.

Warm Body

My advice and the point of this article is ‘Get out and about’. Join. Don’t worry about the reason. Mix it up with the other human beings. Perhaps some of them are EXACTLY like you and just need another warm body to talk to.

Nothing Changes By Sitting On Your Hands

 

Goal Setting And How To Do It

Goal Setting And How To Do ItSetting Goals

I have reached a goal. I have finished the first draft of my book. Apart from telling everyone I can think of about the book, in order to cement the ‘doing’ of it into my psyche, I am working on it as often as I can.

The chapter bit was OK, once I figured out what to write, but right now I am doing my usual trick of finding other things to do (anything at all) to avoid beginning the next stage which is re-reading what I have written and getting it ready for my beta readers to get stuck into.

Perfect

It comes down, as I’ve said before, to knowing what to do next and forgetting the ‘it has to be perfect’ mantra. It’s like coming up to a brick wall of thoughts. You can’t get through and you just bounce around like in a kids jumping castle.

Why am I telling you this? And what does it have to do with the goals thing I started talking about? A lot really.

‘Cause, you see, the book is NOT the goal. It is only a bi-product of achieving the real goal.

Get It Done

It doesn’t matter what happens with the book as long as it is finally published. If one follows the process and the steps on a roadmap or checklist (and there are many of these that Dr Google can serve up to you), the end result of a published book is a foregone conclusion. It is not rocket science. It’s not even hard. What is hard is following all the steps. A bit like the 12 step program for those of us unfortunate to have an alcohol problem. All the steps need to be covered. Not always in any prescribed order, and some we can revisit at any time to enhance the end result.

Why This Particular Goal

The idea in goal setting is to take an overview of why you might want to say, write a book, learn a new skill or language, change a habit, get a new job – anything really.

Then devise, or have someone else devise, a specialised 12 step program just for you, just for this particular task or goal. Promise your self and the world at large, if this is appropriate, that you WILL follow this plan, and you will achieve this goal. This result. This outcome.

The Goal Is Not The Goal

Then realize that the goal is NOT the goal. The real goal is to change yourself. To become a different person, someone who deserves this new ‘thing’ that is what you think of as the goal. To become the kind of person who can achieve this consequence from the 12 action steps, for example.

In my case, I need to be the kind of person who CAN write and publish a book. Even if the book is rubbish. Doesn’t matter as it was only a vehicle. It was not the end game and never was.

Many Fall By The Wayside

To digress for a moment – this is where many of us fall by the wayside because we don’t believe we DESERVE the end result for which we are aiming and therefore we do not make it.

But if you follow the steps you will write that book. And at the end of this process, you will have become someone who does deserve it (whatever it might be for you).

Remove Yourself From The Outcome

Now you also have to remove your self from the result. Separate your mind and body from the OUTCOME. Then and only then will you be able to accept that the book or your grasp of Arabic or Chinese does not have to be perfect. It just has to be DONE.

Only then will you be able to move beyond the person you were when you started down this path, and allow yourself to meet the person who you have become. Gidday!

Become The Kind Of Person Who Can

What I mean here is your goal will be to become the kind of person who can follow 12 steps and get to the end. To a book; or a new whatever as we said above. Your goal is personal development, the outcome is a serendipitous result of following the prescribed steps in the program. And getting to the end of it.

You see if you become that person, a second book, skill, language etc becomes easy. You can do it almost on auto-pilot.

Goal: Millionaire

If someone had a goal to become a millionaire and suddenly won the money in a lottery, you know from the newspapers, that few of them keep this money in the long-run. They are NOT millionaires, so that, while the having of that amount of money was a goal for them it was, we now understand, an outcome, a result without the personal development behind it. So they lost it. I know people that this has happened to. Sad but a fact of life.

The Goal Is Not The Goal

Let’s say it again. The goal is NOT the goal. The real goal is to change yourself.

Goals, Change and Process Improvement

Rollercoaster

Rollercoaster

I dunno about you, but my life goes through a lot of ups and downs.

Ups & Downs

RollerCoaster

You know what I mean? You are moving through life in a somewhat leisurely and orderly fashion, and as you come to a pivotal moment - it all slows down, just like a rollercoaster car at the top of a rise before it tetters and then roars off into - possible oblivion. Well, that’s what it seems like at the top. Speed increases, you can’t see the bottom. You don’t know what’s going to happen and your breathing catches, your heart races and – it all just seems so out of control. As you bottom out you think of the quote often attributed variously to Mark Twain and/or and Winston Churchill: “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

You reach the bottom and off you go again. No worse for wear, oh well except for one YouTube video I saw of a young lady whose top came off in the wind generated by some extended free falling. And underwear – also missing in action. Oh dear.

But, and here is where I find myself (no! Not with clothes blowing off) in a situation.

Procrastination

Many plans I have in my head, those of several steps anyway, begin after a reasonable amount of procrastination so I don’t seem too eager and a large amount of research so I can honestly say, “I’m not ready.” and then as they reach toward the end of the first step I slow down, perhaps not wanting to actually reach the top because I am not sure how to do the next step. This means that the plunge will really be out of control. So I resist. And I slow down. A kind of procrastination.

Just Before The Top

And I often stop just at, or sometimes just before, the top. Hopefully at the point where the roller coaster car is released from the lifting thingamy and is about to be launched under its own steam down the other side. Hopefully just after that release.

It’s like when you take a big long breath, you pause for a tiny second, usually, before releasing the breath and exhaling. Yeah, you just did it didn’t you? Feel the second or two pause at the top?

My life is like that. I rise up - pause and hopefully go down the other side in a controlled manner.

Step One

How it works is, I know what I am doing, after a fashion, as I embark on step one. But as I approach step 2, I slow down. Don’t wanna get to the top, ‘cause I am not really sure I know what needs to be done in the next step. The going down the other side under control bit.

I am frightened. I am uncertain, feeling vulnerable and I just DON’T want to get to the top. Not yet.

Fear Of The Unknown

That means I have to KNOW what the next step is going to entail. Not knowing is the big thing. Fear of the unknown. I am sure we all suffer from this.

Am I fully aware of what I need to do next? What if it’s not perfect? What if … ? What if ….. ?

The pity of it is, it’s not always that important. If you started with a small amount of forward planning, you must have some idea of where you

are headed and what each step entails, and SOME research must have been done. So it’s not quite like going over the top of a rollercoaster holding on to your top and hoping it doesn’t blow off. Not at all.

Won’t Be Perfect

It, in my case at least, is that ever-present concern that it won’t be perfect.

I know it never will be. And that being authentic is all I could wish for, but I still worry as I come to the end of each step in a process, that I do not know enough to make it happen. To make it perfect. So I slow down.

And yes quite a few times I have come crashing back down, backwards, totally out of control and losing everything I had worked so hard for.

Bugger.

Break The Rollercoaster Cycle

Anyone else do the same? Come with me and together we may be able to get off this rollercoaster and make things happen.

 

 

Quick to Blame

Quick to Blame

Recently I have noticed, particularly in electronic conversations, (email and text) the tendency to correct others and lay blame.

Blame

I have had this criticism levelled at me a couple of times during the last year or so, “You always make out that you are right and others are wrong. You correct people all the time when you talk to them. This is extremely annoying.” for example.

Focus

I have become very aware, following these comments, of how I react in conversations and have been attempting to catch myself, preferably before making the comment, in the hope that this will make my speech less confrontational.

That being the case, and following on from the rule of ‘focus’ in life, (think of a red car – immediately begin to see hundreds of red cars) I have become hyper-aware of this tendency, in emails particularly.

Recently

A recent example. A request for volunteers for an event. One response said yep I’ll be there but this decision is made without any idea of when and what days I will be required.

Now all that required info was in the email, albeit a bit of a way down as this response was the end of a few answers. But the info WAS there. IN THE ACTUAL EMAIL THAT WAS BEING ANSWERED.

The responder had not read the whole communication, yet took it upon themselves to criticise the originator of the request and blame them for leaving out vital information.

Why?

Why do we do this? And I obviously include myself in this question, as evidenced by the above, I am as guilty as anyone.

But are there two possible ways of looking at this?

I was a teacher for some years in the earlier part of my working life and correcting kids when I thought I was right, has always been a part of my life. Do I now see everyone as kids that need my teaching to make them see the error of their ways?

Accuracy

I am a bit of a stickler for getting things right. Of course, ‘right’ is extremely subjective and I may often not be correct. My corrections can be, in fact, not corrections at all, but an extension of the original error.

I don’t feel I am doing this with an air of superiority, just a feeling that accuracy is important. Again, I say ‘accuracy’ according to me.

Superior

Secondly, it may very well be a feeling that if I can put you down, and tell you that you are wrong, this will elevate me to a higher status and prove to me, you, and anyone else listening, that I am, in fact, superior.

A need for ego-stroking or a need for correctness. Or are they both the same in a subtle kind of way?

Judgment

Or is there another element here? One of judgment? Hard to tell.

Call to Action

But my call out to all of you reading this, and to me of course, – before you criticise somebody, and blame them for something, make sure you have all the information, and make sure that your criticism is fair. How do you know if it is fair?

TLC

Easy. Follow the PAME code (Emee Vida Estacio) and use a little bit of TLC. Is your criticism TRUE? Is it LOGICAL? Finally, is it CONSTRUCTIVE? If your comment fails any one of these criteria, then suck it back in and say nothing at all. Better for everyone.

And remember when you point one finger at someone else, there are three pointing back to you.

Change Your Life for Good PAME Code

Downsizing Minimalist Approach

Downsizing – The Minimalist Approach

Recently, I have stopped (or am in the process of stopping) a lot of the things I have been doing around town. Not because I don’t enjoy them, but because with so much happening I was beginning to let people down. And this was a huge let-down for me.

DownsizingYou see, I LOVE to do stuff for people, but if I forget or run out of time or change my priorities, then things drop through the cracks.

It is VERY important to me to keep to my word. If I say I am going to do something then I WANT to do it, and I want to do it sooner rather than later, to over-deliver if you will.

Too Much

When I arrived here in paradise I took on anything and everything I could to get me out in the community and mixing with people. I loved it. Still do. But there comes a time in everyone’s life, I expect, when you have to take a hard look at things and decide what activities and which people are giving you the most enjoyment and excitement even. Then you focus on this part of life.

Stop Doing So Much

Keeping Promises

Sometimes this means taking a minimalist approach and downsizing.

I am better able to keep my promises (and we all I am sure promise much more than we can ever do in several lifetimes) if there are fewer of them stacked up.

My list of things to do is often overwhelming and never reduces to any manageable number. So it becomes necessary to chop. And chopping I have been.

New Challenges

It is sad to see some things go, but change is inevitable and we all have new challenges we want/need to follow. If we add them onto our already full schedules, something has to give. And the result of this is failing to meet the expectations you have put upon yourself and the rise in guilt and self-recrimination when deadlines and appointments are missed and people are let down.

Look After Yourself First

It is NOT selfish to sort out your life and your activities. Remember the airline: put your mask on first. If you are not in control of your own life you cannot offer any part of yourself to others, and this is certainly my aim in life. What’s yours?

Finding Yourself

Fear of Change eBook

“Fear of Change” eBook

Within the next 6 weeks or so I will be publishing my first full book. (I already have a published chapter in the book of which I spoke in an earlier post).

Change

All Me, Quotes and History

This will be just me. And a lot of quotes from, I guess you’d call then my mentors, (although I have not actually met any of them), and help from my Face Book friends.

This book will investigate change through the eras from the Stone Age through until today. Did you know Plato (428BCE to 348BCE) thought writing and books sucked? More About that in Ch 3.

Covering 50 Shades of Change

This book will look at many different types of changes, and the reactions of people of all ages, races, walks of life and all socioeconomic strata, to find out why we fear this change thing.

What is it we fear, and what can we do about it will be discussed.

Some options will be canvassed and further readings suggested.

I’m expecting it to be about 15-20K words and sell for about $0.99c. Should be a bestseller in no time?

Beta Readers

A lot closer to publication time, I will be calling on a few of my friends, colleagues and/or acquaintances to have a bit of a look as beta readers or whatever you want to call them, and provide me with some positive feedback (positive doesn’t mean feedback all has to be good – far from it, I will need all the help I can get, but “this book sucks” is not really very effective nor helpful feedback. Right?) Just sayin’.

Any Ideas?

While we are on the feedback thing, if anyone out there reads this and reckons they have some questions about Fear or Change or Fear of Change, let it all hang out. Hit me up with some stuff I can put in the book. You might even get your name in it. My Yoga instructor has secured a chapter heading quotation under her name. This could be you.

Anyhoo, you may think of something you reckon I ought to address in the book (what you see here is a very, very limited synopsis) send it in, and ya never know.

Published Author

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Coffee as an Agent of Change

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?carrot-egg-coffee

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed that as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high flame. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She then pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The granddaughter then asked, "What does it mean, Grandmother?"

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity -- boiling water -- but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her granddaughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavour of your life. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you changed by your surroundings or do you bring life, flavour, to them?

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

I have no idea where this came from, (so I can't give credit to the author which is a pity) but it was too good not to share.

Learning. What Did You Learn Today?

Depression, Anxiety & Compassion

Want More – Be Grateful

Want More – Be Grateful

Two things have come to mind today that we need to talk about.

Why do we often want more? And as the obverse of this coin, why are we not grateful for what we have?

Want More Be GratefulNothing

Just the other day, I woke-up feeling that I wanted to do NOTHING.

For the shortest time, I gave-in to the erroneous belief that I had to do something. Anything. Lying around was not an option.

I considered this, then dropped back onto the bed, snuggled up a bit in the warm and – retrieving my phone from the night-stand, began to follow-up on a few emails that had come in overnight, catch up on Google news and check out a few of the writing groups to which I belong. Ahhh luxury.

Bathroom

It was lovely. Finally dragged my body out of bed about 10.00 in the AM when I could no longer ignore the pressure in my nether regions.

Breakfast

Sorted that out, then dropping in on my favourite breakfast nook I began to heat up the kettle for coffee (a morning elixir I find hard to ignore) and fired up my trusty toaster for my sustenance for the first part of the day.

I didn’t NEED to do anything today, oh yeah I had a lot on my plate so to speak, but it was all of my own making. I wasn’t feeling lazy as such, just disconnected from the need to WANT anything other than what I had.

Want V’s Need

What do I have? All I need is the correct answer. Sure there is more. More money, more friends, more excitement, more meetings, more travelling, more things to achieve etc.

When you boil it down, if more of us were, every now and then, satisfied to just ‘Let It Be’ then we’d all be a lot happier and much more relaxed in our attitude and approach to life.

Change

This is not to say we should not strive to change it up, write something awesome, build a better mousetrap or whatever; but being grateful for what we have right here, right now is a very useful strategy.

Grateful

I am grateful that I am alive and pretty healthy, all things considered, for a bloke approaching 70. (I know a lot of people who do not have the physical agility and mental acuity I still have). I am grateful that I can decide to just stay in bed for another hour or two on my ‘lazy day’; do what pleases me when it pleases me and STILL have enough time and resources to, well, just do it.

What Does It All Mean?

Let’s finish with a kind of a summary of the main points of today’s little piece, shall we?

1. We don’t always have to strive for more, even though change only happens when we do – it is NOT necessary 24/7 365 days of the year.

2. Be grateful for what we actually have (remember a bird in the hand?) and say ‘Thank You.’

3. De-stress by lowering the CONSTANT expectations we put upon ourselves, and luxuriate in the fact that while we may not have it all, we quite possibly have enough. For now.

The Imposter Syndrome Remedy