Resilience and Loneliness
One of the issues surrounding resilience is that young people have it. In spades. And that is an interesting situation.
Resilience - Definition
You see resilience means, according to the Oxford dictionary: The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. Or in the case of objects - The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
Imagine a difficult – toxic if you will – relationship.
Young people can recover from this, bounce back on almost every occasion and become what they were before. In other words, the relationship has little or no lasting effects after it is over.
However, over time, the old adage that you get what you focus on becomes part of our lives and we as humans find that although the resilience factor in our brains remains the same as it used to when we were younger, (the focus component), and we still believe we are as were were back then, the ability of our older selves to cope with this, emotionally, and oft-times physically, reduces. We become less able to bounce back. More likely to over-react. Unable to manage the difficulties. We are not as tough as we used to be.
We are more affected by things as we get older
What I am saying here, is that things that affected us only slightly, if at all when we were young, can become major issues when we are older.
But because we are predisposed to believe in our perceived resilience, it takes a long time for us to realise that things need to change. We need to move on from certain relationships. We need to give up on situations that no longer serve us and become more aware of our current situation.
3 Ages of Man
It seems to me that there are three ages of man in this argument.
1. Youth. Where nothing seems to matter. All is well and we just mosey on through life with very little baggage.
2. Middle Age. This is where we waste a lot of time struggling with people and issues that drag us down, but we seem oblivious, and do nothing to mitigate the state and live in a bad place for many years.
3. Finally we have the mature (read older) age group where we become aware of the fact that we can change our lives, make different choices and live much happier lives as a result. And we generally do. Most of us anyway.
Having reached this older category myself, I sit back and wonder why it took me so long to slough off the toxic people and to stop enduring the situations that were not to my advantage. I don’t really know, unless the discussion above lends some clarity to the issue.
Perhaps it does. Who knows?
I wish that we were better
But I do wish that the larger, middle portion of our lives was easier. No. As Jim Rohn said in many of his seminars and books, I wish that we were better at making those life altering decisions which we seemed to have been so bad at.
I wish that we had set ourselves up at a much earlier age to be perhaps less resilient and more cognisant of those people and things around us that were making us unhappy.
I would like to think that loneliness, for example, might have been addressed at each of these three levels of life in a much more effective way than it obviously has.
What do you think?